How do you assess whether a girl is genuine or a narcissist in the beginning?

[Anonymous]

Like I kind of opened the door for myself falling into this with the fact I had zero previous relationship experience, I also like to see the good in people so maybe I was projecting something that was simply never there and I was seeing what I wanted to see

[HollyK21]

I know we spoke the other day but I just want to reiterate again that maybe women shouldn’t be the focus right now. You’ve got a lot of other things to get sorted. How’s the search been for a therapist by the way?

[Asker]

So this is a reflection point to not fall into the same place again

[HollyK21]

What do you mean “not fall into the same place” when you haven’t even left it yet? You are no better today than you have been any other time you post here. Your reflection should be in therapy with someone who can actually give you the tools to overcome obstacles and make better choices going forward.

[Asker]

So ultimately I can’t own anything that she did towards me but something I can own and I have the past few days that have put me in a place of peace is that I made a terrible judgement in character that I seen what I wanted to see instead of who she actually was

[HollyK21]

If that revelation really put you at peace then you wouldn’t be here with a new post, friend. It was already evident that you made a terrible judgement in character when she started being abusive, you’ve even said as much. So this is nothing new. It’s like you’re basically saying the past few days you’ve been remembering how shitty she was and that made you feel a bit better but not in a fundamental way.

[Asker]

Well there’s no good thoughts about her left the only thing left is what was the truth

[HollyK21]

I understand that but what I’m saying is that knowing you made a bad judgment in character is not bringing you peace or closure, it’s not helping you grow as a person or figure out what kind of woman you would like to date next. With this in mind, what do you think can be said or done to help you move past this? What are you looking for exactly?

[Anonymous]

The level of effort she puts forth. A woman who really want to know you will put in the effort. A narcissist Wil open the door then step back. Because really doesn't want to know you. She just wants your adulation.

My advice to you is make a STRICT rule. Of never putting more effort into a woman than she'll put into you. This'll help till you get more adept at this.

[Asker]

Yeah this didn’t try at all once for Christmas she really wanted this brand new Ariana grande perfume so I special ordered it because it was brand new I was so excited to get it for her cause she kept talking about really wanting it. Come Christmas Day she give me gifts and it’s a whole bunch of random stuff from the dollar store she one thing that she took back and ended up using for herself I was upset because she knew all my interests she called me ungrateful

[Opinion Owner]

That sucks man. Sorry that happened to you. But if it makes you feel any better most guys have to learn this way. The key is learning from it and not allowing it to happen again.