What should I say to my husband on our anniversary?

[Anonymous]

It's our 10th dating anniversary and 5th wedding anniversary, and I’m feeling hurt. I made the dinner reservation, expecting he would forget, and he did. No gifts, no flowers, no card. He did pay for dinner, though, which I had already planned to cover. When we got home, he started texting his son right away. I’m not upset that he's texting, but it's our special day, and it feels like he didn’t make any effort. I ended up going to cry in the bathtub alone. What should I say to him now? How can I express my feelings without making it into a bigger issue? I just want him to understand how this makes me feel.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Oh, dear. He is in trouble... He broke the cardinal rule of being married. Never forget the birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day. :D

If he can remember the Superbowl or whatever other event is important to him, he can remember those other days. It's called a smartphone with a calendar reminder. Just tell him you need to talk to him. Then sit down and calmly tell him you are really upset at him over something. Tell him something like this:

"When you forget things like our anniversary (!), it makes me feel like this relationship isn't as important to you as it is to me. I remember that day every year because it was the best day of my life, when I chose you over every other guy in the world. Every year, I'm reminded that I chose you, that I wanted you. I still want you and I still choose you. But when you forget this day, it makes me feel like you no longer want me, and that the day we chose each other is insignificant to you. Now, I don't think that is actually the case, but going forward I would like you to remember this day. Please put it in your phone, and set reminders so that you can participate in commemorating us. I want your feedback and participation on what we do, and the activities we share on that day."

If he gets defensive or whatever (pretty likely), just remain calm and say "Just think about it and we'll talk again. I want to hear your thoughts." Remember, this is entry-level relationship stuff, not asking him to buy you a chateau in France.

Here's the thing: If he doesn't recognize that this is basic, he failed marriage bootcamp. You'll need some additional help, like couple's therapy.

Hope that gives you some ideas! :)

[Flower7]

If that day was this important to him, you should have mentioned it beforehand. In the future, speak up.

[Flower7]

to you*

[Sevenpointfive]

dropping hints is something women have always done. and if he doesn't take the hint they try again. and after a couple of tries they start to wonder if they even care, or maybe he's stupid? they want to believe he's stupid with the possibility that he wasn't picking up the hints. they'll make excuses for that and come back to he doesn't care. and after all of that inner turmoil they have gone through, they never considered why they couldn't ask their loved one what they are doing for their anniversary? no hints needed. any feelings about it are revealed immediately.

i think we all want to rekindle that spark, think both of you are like-minded and expect the same response to situations. the realization might be that you have drifted a little, maybe more?

[incorrected]

Have a mature talk about how you'd like to celebrate anniversaries. Tell him that you noticed how you felt, and then frame it as something you'd like to do, rather than as something he didn't do. See if that works. Maybe jog his memory when the time is getting close. I'll tell you why I'd approach it that way:

I tend to forget birthdays and other "special" days, including my own, because I'm not particularly sentimental like that. To me, emotionally, it's just another day. Either every day is special, or no day is special. It feels weird to force special moments according to the calendar, rather than to express gratitude as the feeling naturally occurs.

[ohsheeT]

Did you give him a gift

If so you have to give it to him and you have to look deep into his eyes and say this is for you and I want to thank you for the last past 10 years we've had our ups and downs
But you've always been there for me as I've been for you. You owe me a dinner because I made reservations for us too
You owe me a night out I don't care where we go just as long as you remember . And then let it go

[D_Bone_Steak]

I had to copy and paste your question to my AI Chad Thunderfuck... this is what he has to say. Remember it's just a robot, but it's fucking funny...

Yo, listen up, Chad Thunderfuck here:

"Happy anniversary, I guess. You're lucky I'm still around."
"Another year down, huh? Here's to more of me putting up with you."
"Thanks for the peace and quiet when you're not around. Cheers to more of that."

Summary: Keep it short, keep it real, and remind her who's in charge.

[D_Bone_Steak]

"Look, I planned everything tonight because I knew you'd forget. No gifts, no flowers, no card, and then you're on your phone the second we get home? It's our 10th dating anniversary and 5th wedding anniversary, and I ended up crying in the bathtub alone. I'm not asking for much, just some damn recognition on our day. I want you to understand how this feels, but I don't want to make it a whole drama. Just... do better next time."

Explanation:

Keep it Direct: You're not beating around the bush. You tell it how it is.
Acknowledge the Effort: You point out what you did to make the day special.
Express Disappointment: Let him know how his lack of effort made you feel, but without over-dramatizing it.
Set Expectations: Make it clear what you want in the future without turning it into a lecture or a fight.

Remember, Chad Thunderfuck doesn't deal with drama; he communicates to solve problems, even if it's with a bit of tough love.

[D_Bone_Steak]

😂 🤣 I got to give it up to chad Thunderfuck... the best AI around. I'm laughing so god damn hard rn... jesus butt fucking christ.

[butterfly]

You have every right to feel hurt. Anniversaries are about appreciation, and it sounds like he put in zero effort. The worst part? You expected it. That alone says a lot. When you talk to him, don’t sugarcoat it tell him straight up: “I feel unimportant and taken for granted. This was a big day for us, and you acted like it didn’t matter.” If he dismisses your feelings or makes excuses, that’s another issue entirely. You shouldn’t have to beg for basic effort in a marriage. If he truly cares, he’ll listen and try to make it right.

[Asker]

Thank you, you put it into words perfectly. I shouldn't have to beg for effort, and I need to be honest about how I feel. I really appreciate your perspective

[brandon]

I can understand why you’re feeling hurt it sounds like you were really hoping for some recognition on such an important day. When you talk to him, try to express your feelings calmly without sounding accusing. You could say something like, "I feel really disappointed because I had high hopes for our anniversary, but it seemed like you weren’t as invested in making it special." Be clear that it's not about the money or the dinner but about the effort and attention you needed from him. Hopefully, this opens the door for a deeper conversation without turning it into a fight.

[Asker]

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. You're right, it's more about the effort than anything else. I'll try to express my feelings without making it a fight.

[Unit1]

Ah, yes, my male brain being good at remembering technicalities and technical traps but it can't be any worse at remembering anniversararies.

There is a solution to your issue.

In order track anniversaries, the anniversaries must be written in such a manner, that they are visible on the calendar e. g. make use of electronic calendars. For the boys and men or those with male brains this is pretty much a must.

Then emphasize how much you value anniversaries, so that your lover knows better to not disappoint you.

At least i know that would work for me.

[Staximus]

If you wanted a romantic guy then you should have known he was not that guy after 5 years of dating before you got married. You need to speak up and say something so it doesn't happen again, unless you want to feel like shit and cry in the bathtub again next year.

[HungTexan]

Just tell him you love him, and since it’s your anniversary you want to make it a special time. Wear something sexy and seduce him somewhat, get him into bed and brick his world. He’ll come around.

[blunty]

Avoid attacking him, but just be honest about how his actions (or lack of) made you feel. If you don’t talk about it, it’ll just keep building up. He may not realize how much this affects you.

[Asker]

Thank you, you're right. It would be better if I speak out instead of keeping it inside. I really hope he understands.

[Valdemort]

You're married for 10 years and afraid of whatever you might say could cause trouble? Are you even supposed to be married with this man if you've not comfortable sharing how you feel?

[Valdemort]

* 5 years

[kinkynicci]

Ask him if he would like to join you and your boyfriend for dinner

[foxsquirrell]

You can tell him just this, that this day is very special to you and that you would like him to feel that way too, and remember that it is your (you and him) day.

[kaucky1]

That long is the sex even good does he lick your twadink without asking slurp on it without complainig climax do you remember sex without getting wasted

[TheStaleMarshmellow]

"Happy anniversary! I love you! You want a blowjob?"

[princeofromance]

He is taking you for granted and you cannot accept that. You need to speak up and voice your feelings.

[Daphne2005]

Happy Anniversary I’d guess.

[KrakenAttackin]

Sounds like he is fed up with you.

[nawtee_me]

I want a divorce….

[jahaims]

Communicate with him