Pretty much as stated. Often get told I'm cute or handsome but zero luck on apps. Not really a bar goer either so it may be cold approach for me Anyway, I need honesty here, 5'10 for height. 150lbs for weight, very lean and run a lot but committing more to upper body strength training.
(Excluding 10 option because I most definitely am not that š)
And if youāre a woman would I be dateable to you based on the looks side of things at least?
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Been awhile, but I need an honest rate-often get confusing feedback and I have zero luck on dating apps. 26 Male, 5’10 height?
You are defo cute. But your style looks a bit dorky lol I hate your shoes and your shorts are ugly.. I'd say you are a 7.. 8 if you got better clothes style. Dating apps are shit though so I wouldn't recommend them.
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Asker
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So plot twist-actually have a form of alopecia and lost my hair. Itās thinned all over my body but only super noticeable on areas where hair is supposed to be thick-scalp and facial hair. So what you are seeing in the picks is a custom full cap wig. I wear it doing all my activities etc, sleep in a beanie but otherwise itās always on. Tried the shaved bald look and just hated it. Boring, made me look older etc. canāt stand it. So I went this direction instead.
Anyway-knowing my hair is āfakeā so to speak does that drop my attractiveness in your eyes? Hypothetically letās say you met a new guy, found him cute and went on a couple dates that went well, then he shared he had lost his hair and wore a wig. Would that turn you off? No judgement, looks matter so just looking for feedback. (Although to be clear I donāt wear this just to get dates but for myself)
If I seen you without it might change but if I was into a guy I don't think it would matter. I think it would be totally fine since I think you look good with it. Lol my tips probably wouldn't be too helpful since the styles I like are like fuck boy styles :D
I mean it comes off to sleep but I sleep in a beanie then. So truly seeing me bald is rare. But otherwise I always āhave hairā so to speak. But overall wouldnāt be a dealbreaker or maybe?
Like seeing without it wouldnāt ruin the image once I put it back on I guess?
You're fine looking. What's the profile looking like though?
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Asker
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All my female friends say it looks good photos wise etc
What would you rate me looks wise though? Just curious, as fine can āmehā or very good looking depending on the persons meaning behind it. Obviously for someone to be interested there's got to be eye catching features, certainly donāt expect women to be interested if they donāt find me attractive!
I'd say you're at about a 7 for me. Personally I think a different hair style will do you a world of difference.
Photos on a dating app are only surface level. Anyone looking for anything serious is going to look through your bio and see how you are with interacting
So.. plot twist-I actually have alopecia. Thinned all hair on my body. Body/eyebrow hair isnāt super noticeable. Where hair is supposed to be thick though itās obvious-scalp and facial hair. Tried the shaved look on my head and just hated it. It was boring not having hair.
What you see in the pics is actually a full custom wig. It can be styled and cut mostly like real hair but can only go so short due to the base.
So I guess 2 big questions-
1- what kind of hairstyle would you recommend I try
2-does the fact my hair is āfakeā drop my physical attractiveness? And be honest here, picture if you went on a couple dates with a guy you just met and were interested in/attracted to and he revealed the same: had alopecia and lost hair and was wearing a wig, sure you couldnāt tell but it came off to sleep and he slept in a beanie etc. surprising Iām sure but would it be a turn off/dealbreaker? No judgement here, please just be honest.
Oh, Interesting! I was thinking it kind of looks like a helmet no offense š¤£ shorter on the sides and longer on top would look much better I think. Maybe a move slicked back rather than forward look?
But perhaps also the positioning is off in some pics? The first and second pic look like it's sitting much lower whereas the 3rd I can see more forehead which looks more natural.
But honestly it doesn't change my thoughts at all. If anything it's put you up.5 points for openness about a personal struggle. I can't speak for other people though (they do be shallow).
Really it wouldnāt bother you? Even knowing it came off to sleep (I just sleep in a beanie) and knowing they didnāt have hair if their own? Youād still be just as attracted and continue dating/enter into a relationship with the guy after he shared he wore a wig?
The beanie is more a comfort thing and a tactile thing. Iām so used to something on my head that having nothing on it and just a bald head feels.. I don't know, just off. Kind of a sensory thing.
Can I ask if it was an insecurity thing if that was a turn off? Or actually seeing me at night bald etc that would be off putting? No judgement just curious!
Ah I see-no I donāt think itāll be something where I am trying to make it so my girl would never see even a glimpse of me bald. But it would be uncommon I suppose. I think the only thing that I would be a little private about is putting the wig on/off etc haha.
But Iām fairly open about it! Donāt tell everyone but my friends all know, most my coworkers know etc. so itās not like Iām desperately trying to hide the fact from everyone. I have alopecia, have had it since I was 19. Just really didnāt like the bald look on me and wanted options etc.
I appreciate it not bothering or turning you away! Can I ask if you feel that date 2/3 would be a good time to share? I just donāt think itās a first date topic and itās not necessarily a subject that is prone to coming up naturally haha. But I feel like 2/3 dates in is still earlier enough that a girl wouldnāt feel like I had kept some huge secret from her for too long.. what are your thoughts?
Hmm personally if it was me I'd be upfront right off the bat. Weed out the assholes and shallow types. But if you're not comfortable with that 2-3 dates is good
Lol all good. but again wouldn't personally put me off but I can see how others may be put off by not being honest upfront. But that is really dependant on the person. I think anyone put off by that isn't worth having around anyway
Guys your age shouldnāt bother with saying apps- itās a waste of your time. Widen your social circle IRL. Youāll get the chance to talk to more women and youāll make friends who can introduce you to more women they know.
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1 y
At 26, in a city I know no one I donāt know where to start. I have friends all scattered and married.
Also never did the whole āset up by friendsā thing. Iām picky, it would hurt someoneās feelings likely
Being picky is normal and healthy. For me to date a girl Iāve got to find her physically attractive at first glance (no that doesnāt grow based on personality she either does or does not check that box) AND emotionally compatible.
Nothing wrong with that. One life, but spending it with a girl I find plain looking etc. to me a girl has to be slender with a cute face to be attractive.
There's nothing wrong with having standards and preferences, but when they interfere with you finding a compatible partner, it may be time to reassess. You're very unlikely to find an actual woman fitting that description on a dating app, so the advice to meet women IRL still applies.
Again- I disagree with you. Youāre basing what someone finds attractive on scarcity when in reality that is not how it works.
If I am not attracted to a girl physically then I am not able to treat her right. I would be jealous of those who are with women I actually was attracted to and devalue my partner when in reality Iām keeping her from being with someone actually attracted to her. Your mindset is based out of fear of being alone-settling. This never ends well. I do couples counseling and it is so common-one person thought it was the best they could do and the other was head over heels. That poor person then finds out their partner was āmehā on them. That is just crappy.
Iād much rather be alone than with a girl I wasnāt attracted to at first glance. Thatās dating to be with someone you like, not filling a void which is what settling is. We canāt control our attraction and this is backed up by every genuine study into the topic. If every girl on earth wasnāt my type none would become more attractive because of scarcity. Just as if all women did look like my type none would become less attractive due to abundance.
We donāt base our standards on scarcity. But regardless, expecting a girl to be slender and have a pretty face is not a high bar nor is it scarce anywayā¦ so Iām not really sure why you are acting like it is on apps?
Thatās a strange interpretation of my comments (actually itās a projection). But, anyway, if looks are your primary criterion for a partner, you may indeed find what you want looks-wise but strike out elsewhere. From your comments about your own looks, itās clear youāre insecure and assume all women share your hyperfocus on looks.
If you find what youāre looking for on a dating app, more power to you, but women of the caliber youāre looking for generally arenāt on them in the first place, where theyād get a lot of unwanted attention from guys they donāt want it from.
Your lack of success on dating apps is sending you a signal. I suspect itās signaling that what youāre looking for just isnāt there. The alternative explanation is that you arenāt desirable to women, and that just couldnāt be the case, could it?
Dude Iām a licensed mental health counselor. I see projection all day all the time. Sharing my personal outlook on who I date and why is not projection. If you read what I wrote again youād see that I said BOTH looks and emotional connection. No pretty face wins me over with a scummy heart, but likewise, no heart of gold can overcome a lack of initial physical attraction. That is natural and healthy. That is not a āhyper focusā on looks. A fixed wing aircraft needs 2 wings-just as a romantic partner needs to attract someone physically and emotionally both. We are emotional and physical creatures, to say we donāt need to find out partner very physically attractive out of the gate is objectively poor advice. This nearly always leads to one partner (who settled) growing resentful, straying, or abusing the other who IS head over heels and attracted to them. They end up in my office years later, heartbroken a person they were fully invested in didnāt reciprocate to the same degree. When had that person held out for someone they were actually truly attracted to, the other would have been single and free to find someone who truly reciprocated it. To pretend that requiring a partner to be physically attractive to you at first glance is bad, shallow, etc, is virtue signaling. Nothing more.
Also youāre trying to imply asking about oneās looks or style choices is insecurity-this is a strangely common misconception from men who practice toxic masculinity. The notion a man who cares strongly for his appearance and makes modifications is somehow either insecure or not masculine. Itās outdated is what it is, and has done much more harm than good. Asking about my appearance on a topic board expressly for appearance feedback does not imply insecurity. But a learning and feedback opportunity from my target audience.
First of all, don't come at me with the "argument from authority" fallacy.
You're projecting what you say you see in couples therapy sessions onto someone's priorities in dating partners. I've never broken up with a partner because of her looks, and while I have dated some very attractive women, I don't date thin models (not that I wouldn't).
You misunderstand why demanding a narrow focus on prospective partners' appearances and obessing about your own is causing you problems. There are lots of reasons why a relationship can fail, so making looks the sine qua non leaves you exposed to potential problems elsewhere when an attractive woman meets your standard. Furthermore, your ridiculously high standards when it comes to looks would exclude large numbers of women from finding a partner at all if generalized to all men. There are plenty of women who aren't slender who are great gfs and wives.
As far as your own looks go, there is apparently no realization on your part that women have different preferences in a man's looks. Lots of women won't find a guy attractive for any number of reasons. More important, it is irrelevant to you what women think of your looks who are not compatible with you for other reasons or are not a potential partner for you. You only need one woman to find you attractive in terms of looks and other qualities.
You've already gotten feedback from your actual target audience (women on dating apps), and there's no interest. Since women on dating apps are a small subset of all women looking for a partner,. the logical conclusion is to look elsewhere. If that doesn't work either, I'd suggest lowering your standards a bit when it comes to a woman's appearance.
Something you might want to ask women is whether they think a slender woman with an attractive face would be "out of your league". That might be more useful info, although personally I think that a confident guy can overcome less-than-ideal looks a lot of the time if he has other things going for him.
Your argument has so much positioning of your own credibility and contradictory statements that itās worth no further consideration.
Youāre not even addressing the core message here; itās normal and healthy for everyone, not just me, to need to find their partner physically attractive and is objectively ill advised to enter a relationship with the person otherwise. You donāt trust me read up on it. Never said everyone found the same things attractive-not once did I even imply that.
Youāre chasing semantics based on assumption of me rather than the topic at hand.
āOut of your leagueā sir, did I just read a full grown person say that sentence. Leagues donāt exist. Sure a conventional level of attraction is there but loosely followed at best.
Regardless-even if we entertained this hypothetical world you believe in where there are set leagues based on looks;
1-expecting a girl to be slender and have an attractive face is not a high standard in any metric. No one is saying 10ās, just cute. 7/8 probably (I donāt number women mind you this is to entertain this world view you have) so not expecting models with perfect chests/backside/eye color etc. you act like expecting a girl to be slender and have a pretty face is a lot. It isnāt.
2-Again, I will reiterate. Human attraction is not based upon scarcity. I donāt know what part of my earlier āI would rather be alone than settleā didnāt make it clear there is no lowering standards. They are hard wired for people, you either find someone visually appealing or you do not. Thereās no in between, itās a light switch. On/off. So hypothetically letās say every women who is my type suddenly disappeared off the earth-I would simply be single. A lack of attractive options (attractive to me personally at least) doesnāt make the remaining options more palatable. Just as if every girl suddenly changed their looks and became my type, that doesnāt mean suddenly I find them less attractive due to abundance. Attraction has approximately zero to do with scarcity. Several studies looked at this exact topic. Infact-itās even replicated in non human studies with animal breeding facilities. A lack of good options only means accepting something else if the person is filling a void. A healthy person isnāt filling a void. They are only dating someone they have a true DESIRE to be with.
Genuinely you seem a bit triggered by something. You say my standards are ridiculously high like a girl being slender/pretty faced is some incredibly high metricā¦ it really isnāt. Yes-those other women who arenāt that body wise deserve love to FROM the men who do find them good looking. Nowhere did I say I spoke for all men in terms of what Iām attracted to being what they are. If you ask me a healthy weight is a pretty bare minimum expectation.
Thereās no straw man. Iām discussing a topic and youāre discussing what you feel is incorrect or wrong with me, not the topic. This is a moral maneuvering done by those who have SOME narcissistic tendencies-rather than actually dig into the meat of the argument and subject they just want to pick apart the person bringing it.
It's your life, I'm just giving you some advice. Reality is that lots of women are overweight and lots of women don't have a pretty face. Like I said, I hope you find what you're looking for, but all I'm saying is that it might have dimensions and a visage a bit different than you envision.
Infact your argument is the straw man-the straw man is when someone turns the conversation into something itās not. This debate started when I said that looks, just like personality, is a NEEDED component of any healthy romantic relationship. That this is not something we choose and not something a person should settle on. Thatās the core of what Iāve discussed here. Yet you keep going very personal, because of.. Iām not entirely sure? Offense at what I find attractive? Youāre making a straw man when you deviate from the topic at hand and, as most do in a straw man, making things personal that really arenāt.
I've addressed your arguments. Now if you want to engage in psychobabble, go right ahead. But this question is about you and your dating failures, which you clearly don't want to address.
If you don't like the advice you've been given, it affects me not in the least. But I think all of us now see why you aren't able to find a girlfriend (or even get a date).
Lots of women are overweight. Doesnāt matter. If they all were, I would simply live happily single as I have no desire to be with them. You keep seeming to ignore the fact the it is objectively life healthy to be single than with someone you arenāt fully attracted to-yes physically as well. This is documented by every professional source and counseling handbook as well, so yes, I do feel qualified to comment on it.
So no, I will either find what Iām looking for, or be single. Because Iām wise enough and experienced enough to know that settling leads to resentments, disappointment and hurting someone who would think you are truly invested in them.
Iām sure youāll comment on age-the studies exist but I donāt need to point to them to prove that age doesnāt equate to wisdom. You can do something a million times and never take the correct lesson from it.
For whatever reason the idea of a person needing to find their partner good looking at first glance bothers you deeply to make it so personal. Itās like you canāt fathom a person would prefer being alone than with someone they truly didnāt feel was special in BODY and MIND to them. But thatās healthy-there are no second bests in a romantic partner. A person is either fully attracted in looks and personality, or they are not! If not. The answer is no.
Ah yes, now come the direct personal ridicule and attacks on my dating life when all I mentioned was apps. You also still havenāt addressed the scarcity not being tied to it reality.
Youāve now checked 2 boxes for narcissism. But I suppose if youāre from a generation that believes that their ego is above āpsycho babbleā then it wouldnāt bother you much.
Interesting- you have violated the code of ethics for your profession. But since you mention narcissism, let's look at the characteristics of it and see how well they overlap with you:
Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc. Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions Needing continual admiration from others Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people Intensely envious of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them Pompous and arrogant demeanor
Other than Exploitation, you fit all of the other DSM-5 criteria. Congratulations, you are now diagnosed with NPD, which can be co-morbid with other disorders. Which other ones do you have? Keep prattling on, and we may find out... my money's on BPD.
Content not found 404. I will trust my education regardless. They overlap with your argumentative style and personal jabs is pretty clear of two check boxes.
Also I have violated no code of ethics. I have made a general statement. Reviewing your comments on your profile history you have a very antiquated view of masculinity. You have very strong views on people caring about looks. You freqyently talk from a pedestal of assumed wisdom based on your age. This is objectively poor form. You may claim itās normalized and thatās great. Many are also overweight-doesnāt make it anymore healthy or normalized.
Reality check time-age is arbitrary. Congrats. You managed to not die for 50 years. That doesnāt mean that know your stuff or carry inherent wisdom. Nor does it mean you deserve differed respect or come from a place to āpass downā info. A stance you regularly take in your communications.
What you feel is a violation of a code of ethics (which since you are not my client there is not one-and at our practice we can reject clients which I certainly would in your case) is actually accountability. Youāre presuming anger and frustration is bad, when it is an appropriate response to unreasonable and poor behavior-like that which you have displayed.
Who still uses those dating apps? FFS. The destroyer of men's self-esteem. They're rigged against you and designed to get you to pay. I remember back in 2019ish, or perhaps before, when I used them. You could use a 'super-like' for a baddie, and get a fair few matches. Now they're literally designed to get you to pay. You'll get a few likes in the first 24 hours to sucker you in. Then they cut you off, and presumably the only prospect of getting any matches these days is to pay for it. It's skewed way against you. Just in terms of numbers, there are obviously infinitely more men than women. The women on there don't give a shit because they can just get 100s of messages a week on instagram anyway. On a dating app a 7 would be shooting for a 4, and would probably still get rejected.
Where is your self respect?
They also tell me you're too lazy to actually put some effort in in real life.
Uninstall the dating apps. Start going out in real life. Evening stuff usually attracts the worst people. Do healthy daytime activities that generate conversations and wholesome people. Running clubs, yoga, martial arts classes, etc. Get creative.
Also, ignore any advice from women on those things. They have no concept what dating is like for a man.
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Eh Iām picky but I agree apps suck.
I also have alopecia and what you see is a full custom wig
6-7 out of ten. I'm about a three right now but even if I trimmed my beard cut my hair lost a lot of weight, I'm a five at best but when I gave up dating, I just stopped shaving and cutting my hair. Haven't done either in about 5-6 years now. So given that you're better looking than me at my best you must be above a five and my money would be on probably about 6 1/2. You definitely have better odds than me. By the way avoid the bar it's not a good place to make stable friends or find stable partners speaking from experience.
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Actually have alopecia and lost my hair! What you see in the pics is a full custom wig. That drop me?
Ooh yea I'm not going to lie to you that does hurt your chances quite a bit. Like it or not both men and woman for the most part don't fine being bald attractive. Still you've got a better face a body figure than mine you still have a pretty good advantage over 5's it might drop you down to a 5 & 1/2 to just barely a six but definitely not a seven objectively speaking. I'm sorry but I think you know as well as I do that woman probably won't find that attractive and I don't want to lie to you just to make you feel a little better.
Iām confused by this; I wear this wig all day. I live in it. As in a girl would know on date 2/3. Why would the fact itās a wig hurt overall when it looks realistic? I wouldnāt care if a girl I dated turned out to be bald with a wig. Thatās why I wear it, to get said points back.
So what I mean is, yes bald Iām a 6, but thatās why I wear hair. I guess I never thought women would view that as a turn off so long as it looks good!
Dude ain't nothing wrong with you. Dating apps are a meat market full of the worst options in women, the leftovers. That's why they're on a dating app. Either they're too socially awkward and homely to find much success IRL. Or they're terrible narcissists use and abuse any guy that comes their way. And most women on dating apps are on their just to window shop attention seek.
Don't beat yourself up about this. I promise you you are not the problem. Take every interaction on a dating app with a grain of salt.
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As a non bar goer where do I approach women then? Cold approach doesnāt scare me really but still seems grim odds wise. I am picky, I only want one in the end but Iāve got to be attracted body and mind both. No reason to beat around the bush. But apps just seem totally dead for me.
Opinion Owner
1 y
Only if you really got the gift of gab and are very confident (which by the sounds of it you're not). I'm a firm believer in your best bet is to put yourself in the best light. I didn't/don't go to bars either. But I am a frequented of concerts and music festivals which is deal. Because music is playing, alcohol is flowing and women are most relaxed. I get approached by a woman at least every other time I go out. Now maybe that has more to do with my age. But I believe the reason this happens is I'm having fun. And that's going to attract women. I know this sounds like b. s. but women find you when you're really not trying to find them. It's fine if you want to go on the offense. Just don't hit them them with a sledgehammer. Tell them you interested react to thier nonverbal clues. And unless she's really interested back then just walk away. Women only find about 10% of men attractive. Get yourself comfortable with that. But the ones that will be interested will be hard to shake. Because GOOD women know what the want.
Asker
1 y
Are you implying itās the same 10% women find attractive or just each only finds a different 10% attractive? Makes sense, I would only care about 10% of women my age. Again Iām fairly picky. I wouldnāt ever change that, why be with someone you donāt find very attractive physically or mentally? I would rather be single than settle at all.
I am actually am really confident and can talk well. So again cold approach doesnāt scare me. I just donāt know how many of the women in my 10% I would find attractive eould put me in their 10% I mean.
Because no glowing personality could overcome a plain face in my opinion. Itās all or nothing, I either find them attractive at first glance or donāt.
Asker
1 y
Because the only women whoāve approached me Iāve had no interest in. Iām respectful and kind but not settling.
Opinion Owner
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Sounds like you got an uphill battle. I think I'm fairly picky, and i's still say I'd find about 40 to 50% of women attractive. I might have held you opinion when I was younger. As you get older you learn the best women aren't typically the best looking ones.
Asker
1 y
Donāt get your implication here. Your standards are your own but the idea that a good looking woman is somehow deficient another way is just nonsensical.
Never said I only date the best looking but sheās got to be slender, and sheās got to have a pretty face. So probably 7-8 out of 10? Leagues are BS but you get the idea. Those 2 traits (face and slim size) are absolute must haves for me though. Those arenāt crazy high standards. If you find half of the opposite sex attractive I would say you have objectively open standards. Far more open than a normal guy. No judgement!
Asker
1 y
A great personality without physical attraction is a great friend. A romantic partner needs more.
Opinion Owner
1 y
No. I just don't judge a book by it's cover like I used to when I was younger. No need to get hostile man. I don't care what you do. I just caution anyone about shrinking their dating pool too much. Do what ya like.
Asker
1 y
Needing to find your partner physically attractive is normal and healthy. My father is 23 years older than you and still says that-that had looks not been there mom (still married) wouldnāt have been someone he was interested in. Uncles say the same.
This isnāt some lesson of age. Looks do matter. Thatās healthy and normal.
You should do okay with the ladies unless your hygiene and/or personality suck. Sure there are those who reject under 6', but there are also those who reject those of us over 6'. My advice: when looking for a lady, don't use the equivalent of a sniper rifle. Cast a wide net.
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Asker
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Totally disagree here. Iām picky and thatās okay. For me I either find her attractive at first glance or I donāt. Really no in between and no personality will win me over if I donāt find her attractive physically. Now a beautiful girl with crap personality is just as much a turn off.
Itās both check boxes, looks and personality both. One cannot exist without the other or Iām not attracted to them. Iām not ashamed of that, nor do I think itās āshallowā. Itās naturally.
Iāve got one life, I wonāt spend it with a woman Iām not truly attracted to in body and mind who stands out to me at first glance looks wise AND who I connect with emotionally
Putting a rating on someone is immature and pointless.
Looks are subjective.
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They are but thatās why Iām asking! Looks so matter and in this case itās just a barometer that Iām asking regarding my own self. Take it you didnāt vote? No judgement.
I guess to me I either am or am not attracted to a girl at first glance. Itās not so much a rating as a light switch if that makes sense.
The apps are hard. I would estimate for every 100 girls I like, 1 likes me back. And of that 1, there is less than a 50/50 chance that I will ever meet her, much less date her for a significant period of time. I mean, I have met a couple of gfs off the apps, but it takes months and months of swiping.
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I mean I know Iām selective. I only have one life and I only want something real so Iām only going to give that to a girl who I find physically attractive at first glance and whom I connect with emotionally after that. Itās both check boxes. So Iām not upset if a girl doesnāt see that in me-Iām no hypocrite Iāve got to meet those for her too.
So.. plot twist-I actually have alopecia. Thinned all hair on my body. Body/eyebrow hair isnāt super noticeable. Where hair is supposed to be thick though itās obvious-scalp and facial hair. Tried the shaved look on my head and just hated it. It was boring not having hair.
What you see in the pics is actually a full custom wig. It can be styled and cut mostly like real hair but can only go so short due to the base.
does the fact my hair is āfakeā drop my physical attractiveness? And be honest here, picture if you went on a couple dates with a guy you just met and were interested in/attracted to and he revealed the same: had alopecia and lost hair and was wearing a wig, sure you couldnāt tell but it came off to sleep and he slept in a beanie etc. surprising Iām sure but would it be a turn off/dealbreaker? No judgement here, please just be honest.
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