Do you think I may have overreacted?

[Pupweb]

This guy and I hit it off really well, and I think we both enjoyed talking to each other. However, I noticed I was always the one starting conversations. When I asked him why, he said he doesn’t reach out much because he feels like people don’t like him. He promised to make more of an effort, but then he took three days to message me.

I immediately told him I wasn’t going to deal with inconsistency, but now I’m wondering if I overreacted. Maybe his lack of initiative comes from insecurity rather than a lack of interest. At the same time, I’m not sure I want to be with someone whose self-doubt is so overwhelming that it affects our communication.

[Still-alive]

It definitely sounds like he's got self esteem issues especially if he’s about the same age as you. He sounds like someone you would have to reassure that you like him over and over again instead of just having confidence that you do. I personally would let him go for that but thats up to you.

but the inconsistent communication i might have an issue with too unless they have a job or something that takes up a lot of time. Even then though its not that hard to send off a simple ‘sorry babe im busy right now, we’ll talk later.’

I personally probably wouldn’t deal with that but again its up to you. I dont think you were too harsh either since he did that AFTER you already brought it up to him.

[Pupweb]

I was second guessing myself about it constantly, thank you!

[Still-alive]

Yeah just trust your gut. If something feels off listen to it. You’re welcome!

[Staximus]

Well you probably scared that big chicken off. You don't need to deal with a mental case. He needs to get his shit together mentally and learn how to communicate like a normal person, and is obviously not ready for any kind of relationship.

[Pupweb]

You’re right, thanks

[Staximus]

If you want to be his friend I guess that's fine, maybe you can pry him out of his turtle shell. I wouldn't get your hopes up if you expect him to grow some balls and ask you out on a date any time soon, but you never know. You should just ask him "are you going to grow some balls and ask me out on a date or what?"

[Staximus]

Hahaha

[Pupweb]

We’re both introverts, and despite me doing all the talking I really had to put myself out there. Probably also why I wanted to see some effort from him as well but I don’t think I would have guts to say that lol

[ohsheeT]

He kind of sounds like he's an introvert and you're an extrovert..

I don't know how long you have known each other are have been going out but I'm sure he took what you said almost like a scolding from a parent or something are kind of bossy but I don't know cuz I don't know the tone of voice you used or how you really said it. But I mean you have to let the guy just kind of be. Himself with you you know maybe he's shy maybe you know maybe he's not that confident you sound like you're very confident you know what you want most girls do are you his first girlfriend and I would understand everything then but I can't tell you who to be out of the year or anything like that I do understand where you're coming from but at the same time you just got to kind of use this time this moment in time as a learning experience for the both of you too I mean this is a good way for you to learn how to read guys because this guy. Would give you so much information if you just what kind of just watch him and listen yeah I think you know I want to say yeah you kind of overreacted or got bossy there controlling maybe I guess I'm not sure which one it is but yeah if you like the guy just relax a little bit and really get to know each other I mean it's better this way and slow slow motion anyway because then he will become one with you a lot faster and that's very important but think about it and do it the way you want to do it but I mean if he's quiet and shy he'll end up running from you if you get to you know push your bossy or demanding I guess

[Pupweb]

When I asked him, “Do you only speak when you’re spoken to?” he said, “Yes, it’s a bad habit. I think people dislike me.” I wanted him to make more of an effort, but I also told him he didn’t have to as long as I understood why. However, he still promised that he would try to initiate more.

[ohsheeT]

Well maybe you'll bring him out of his shell. I kind of used to be the same way.

And I'm an introvert I know you can't shut me up LOL

[Pupweb]

Hi, so I ended up messaging him again because it felt unfair to let a good connection go just because there were some issues. I mean, every relationship comes with its challenges, and I automatically shut him down when my expectations weren’t met—which isn’t always realistic. Do think this might be a good way to go?

[Anonymous]

You're wondering if you overreacted by ending things with a guy who, after initially hitting it off, took three days to message you after promising to be better about initiating contact due to insecurity. You're questioning if his delay was due to his insecurity or a lack of interest, and whether you should have been more understanding. It's valid to question your reaction. Consider your communication needs, whether you're willing to give him more time, and ultimately, whether his current behavior is something you can accept long-term. It's okay to prioritize your needs.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Just one question, did you tell him or make it clear you are interested in him?

[Pupweb]

I think it was pretty clear

[ChicoFromThe305]

Fair enough