My boyfriend always looks at gorgeous girls?

[Anonymous]

He looks at them several times, is that okay?

Updates

1 y

May I add that the girl was trying to seduce him

[ohsheeT]

Do you trust him? Is he loyalty? Does he hold your hand when these girls are looking at him or vice versa?

I am a people person. I love beautiful woman. I am always going to look. .

It Might be because of their beauty
It might be because of what they're wearing. It might be because of their hairstyle
Honestly it could be for any reason


Also when I talk to women I stand close Because i'm having a conversation with somebody

And if you're honest with yourself you do the same thing with guys It's human nature to look


There's been many times I've been with a girlfriend walking to them all and they'll be 2 or 3 guys walking towards us. And I'll be watching them their eyes. And they're all staring at my girlfriend. I'll fill her squeeze my hand and I'll kind of look over at her and smile because I know that she just saw them and she knows that I'm watching them. And all we can do is kind of laugh about it when the guys get app to us and they go to passes. I'll say something smart a** like. She's beautiful because it's human nature.
She'll do the same thing.
If a girl was walking towards us. Because show watch their eyes to see where their eyes are looking LO. L.
But she was always more of a smart a** about it.
Take a picture last longer or something or she would say. Do you see where that girl's looking at?
And the only thing we could do is laugh.
Because yes, I saw where she was looking LO. L

It's human nature

When you believe in yourself when you love yourself You know that there's nothing. That's going to affect your relationship Between each other because you have each other's backs You trust you respect each other There is a commitment in a bond

If you don't trust to respect the person that you're with You should not be with them if you have to think about it all the time You should not be with them because I Because that's no way to have a relationship

[Asker]

Yes he calls me babe and is quite affectionate but I can’t help to think that he’s leading these women on. I thought this waitress was obviously trying to seduce him. And he still glanced at her when she sat outside like four times. I was sitting beside him

[ohsheeT]

Well I just felt you as I read your words. And I think you should follow your gut feelings. You could be right

[Shiprex]

How does it make you feel?

If you're still confident that he looks at you MORE and more thoughtfully he's not doing anything wrong. You are confident in YOUR relationship with him

If it makes you feel uneasy like he's being rude and disrespectful to YOU then tell him this.

[Asker]

It makes me feel terrible. The fact that I believe these ladies look beautiful and men will prefer them over me. I tried my best to be confident then I see something a hint that he’s looking at other women, I’d accuse him again and he’d get pissed off

[Shiprex]

Sorry to hear that and it's therefore disrespectful and you could have a conversation with him about it and tell him your heartfelt sensitivities about it but don't seek pity. YOU can see they are pretty but so are you and you are who he has chosen and that he should try to make you feel beautiful.
Accusing and being confrontational about it won't work that's fighting talk and not loving talk. Speak to him with kindness and tell him you TOO see these girls as gorgeous and that you appreciate their looks but that you want him to look at YOU that way and make YOU feel gorgeous and happy.
I will warn you it will not be an overnight change. You should try to make him WANT you more and to be more attentive to you by staring like a weirdo AT YOUR when these women are around.

[Asker]

We had a huge fight about it last night. He said it’s normal to look around and said he’s not doing anything wrong. I told him it’s normal for any woman to be jealous when their man who’s committed to them, look at other women. He said I’m crazy and extremely jealous, which I admit that I’m really jealous. It’s just the whole situation where the waitress was seducing him and then he glanced at her several times when she’s eating at a table nearby really ticked me off. He also liked to order from this restaurant a lot.

[Shiprex]

That must be hard for you and I hope you don't spiral out of control and keep conflicting with him. Sure it's natural to LOOK but when you're committed to someone who feels bad about it then you are meant to, as a mature adult in mature adult relationships, adjust your behaviour UNTIL your partner can accept a level of it and not feel undesired.
I feel for you but be strong and recognise that IF you fight and conflict that will only make him more defensive and less prepared to meet you in the middle. Your confidence is taking a beating about this and it's something YOU can handle with a smart approach to his behaviour. Like if YOU were to say (she's HOT AF) about someone who is just normal so YOU notice it before he does and make it something you discuss in a positive way he may start to open up and be less defensive about his behaviour.
I hope you can resolve some kind of solution. Conflict isn't always the best way to get someone to behave in a particular way as no one likes criticism

[Asker]

I was thinking of looking at other men and pointing out that they’re handsome. Would you think this is a good idea? My friend said it might work. He still thinks there’s nothing wrong with it. Yes my confidence is taking a beating.

[Shiprex]

Sorry I missed this and that your confidence is being bashed. You're still a tough and beautiful person. Try to be the bigger maturer person in this if you want to see this relationship as worth it. I think he sounds a bit childish and immature in my opinion.

§o, No I don't think a "taste of his own medicine" is wise as men and women deal with this kind of thing differently. My guess is he'd probably take that as a challenge and become childish with it and try to make it a competition. However, his character may be different and he'd be mature to notice your blatant act of jealousy and change but I don't think this guy is like that like I said immaturity won't be like that.
In a quiet more intimate moment don't be so affectionate as normal. Be "sad" and wait till he asks then without beating about the bush and being coy tell him there's something that's bothering you because you see other girls getting his attention instead of you. The idea of a partner being sad is quite a powerful driver for men. That destabilises our sense that we're the ones in charge and those around us are not in despair but aren't in best form. Be gentle and calm about it so it doesn't blame the noticing pretty people (you can say YOU notice guys but don't dwell or fixate on it) as it isn't abnormal BUT the consequences of those close to you getting SAD because of it is real.
I hope you get this staying away from conflict notion as that sets up confrontation which is the natural existence for men and boys between each other and the world at large. As a woman you're more aware and conditioned to the nurturing and relationship dynamics within groupings.

Good luck, you deserve it.

[forensicexpert]

If you're uncomfortable with that, share it with him, but if I were you, I'd love it.

[Asker]

Why u love it?

[forensicexpert]

It may sound strange but it gives me pleasure..

[Nikki1989]

All men do it. The ones that say they don't are lying.

[Summeroflove]

You’re a intelligent person….. But not all men are the same and neither are all women. There is billions out there and maybe a lot do something but not necessarily all

[Summeroflove]

If you see a man with a six pack of abs are you looking? If not then yeah it’s one sided if yes don’t be hypocritical

[Asker]

I don't know I was mad because the waitress was already trying to seduce him and then he gave her more glances. She was putting her hair down and then up and then looking at him with her messy hair covering her face seductively.

[Summeroflove]

Well asker sometimes people are just being nice. Sometimes I get flirted with by service staff and many do it just go get tips. I don’t make a scene about it I just stay cordial with them.

[Summeroflove]

So it’s hard to tell if she was really seducing him or if she just wanted a tip. Look you’re smart enough to know when something is wrong.

If he’s openly flirting it could be a sign that things are very wrong. Especially if he’s cheating emotionally or even sexually on you. Not saying that he is.

You need to communicate though. When you have a problem bring it up. Don’t just scream at him that’s a lot of times the result of not communicating until things reach a breaking point.

[Asker]

I don’t know why it triggers me so much

[Summeroflove]

Probably because you can feel something is wrong you just don’t know what it is. If he’s a dark personality at sone point these people have to show and tell you what they’re doing to you. But also leave plausible deniability as well as gaslighting

[Asker]

Like he would stand close to the cashiers but I guess talk normally

[Summeroflove]

Maybe logically and intuitionally you sense something is wrong

[Summeroflove]

You may be noticing a trend…. Especially if he’s getting women to flirt back he may be cheating. Especially when you’re not around

[Asker]

Yeah I’m so hurt and confused. I’m thinking if I leave him, I will be in so much pain. Also I don’t wanna move back in with my toxic mother. It’s too cold to move to another place as I’m splitting rent with him

[Summeroflove]

Is he weirdly guarded of his phone? Just know many serial cheaters are extremely careful when they start their first time cheating they are planning it out and covering their tracks.

After a while of not getting caught they feel more brazen assuming you’re too dumb to catch on

[Summeroflove]

And is there other signs of potential narcissistic behavior

[Asker]

Well recently I found him on the dating app we met, he said it’s because I didn’t trust him, keep accusing, jealous, and negative about life. Well ofcourse he claimed he went on to browse only but not message.

[Summeroflove]

Asker it really does sound like a very hard situation unfortunately…. A lot of dark personalities pick someone whose in a bad situation so that they become stuck.

But at the same time if you’re loyal you deserve someone who is. If he’s hard to talk to where you can’t communicate how you feel that’s a issue.

If you’re thinking about leaving it needs to be communicated and if he doesn’t take it seriously or you can’t communicate it needs to be done.

I assume he was too good to be true and acted like he was going to save you. But gor you into a situation that’s hard to get out of.

These people think you’re stupid too stupid to figure it out. And too weak to stand up for yourslef. A fucked up way of thinking. But that’s how they justify it is that you deserve it

[Summeroflove]

Notice this it’s always YOUR fault…. So he’s definitely at least emotionally cheating. He’s on dating apps and flirting in front of you to feed his ego. He needs supply. So that tells me what I need to know.

These people find excuses and jusrications. If he’s so unhappy he should find someone else. You have every reason not to trust him. You can be the best girlfriend in the world and guess what? It’s YOUR fault

[Summeroflove]

But did he ever show you what he was doing? Even browsing is wrong…. Chances are he’s cheated on you and being cheated on is something you can feel.

It hurts it’s painful and it’s destructive. It’s something you can spiritually and emotionally feel before you ever have solid proof. Even if people don’t want to see it

[Asker]

Yes i did see him looking at girls before i always fought with him about it. Well I decided to move in with me because my mom was anal about me using the kitchen and monitored me so I was always hungry and scared. So I moved with him at least I get to have a good meal. And also I only have to deal with his shit and not both my parents.

[Summeroflove]

Unfortunately he’s using you for whatever reasons. For sex…. Using you financially…. Things like that. It’s common and it’s not okay

[Summeroflove]

If it takes you getting your own place and working a couple jobs. That’s what it takes. You’ll be happier alone then miserable

[Summeroflove]

I see why he would use you until he discards you anyways. Unfortunately you can be a great girlfriend who genuinely loves him and is loyal. But it will be your fault for anything.

If he’s getting sex from you that’s one thing he may use you for. If you’re pretty and he can show you off to get attention and status. That’s another reason. You’re paying half the rent….. He’s financially using you.

[Asker]

Well I think he has attachment to me because he was really upset when I didn’t call off Valentine’s Day for him. And he always gets really upset and call off work when we fight

[Summeroflove]

Because it’s about him you need to be putting effort and attention into him…. But if you ever expected him to call off for you? How would that end?

[Summeroflove]

They don’t form normal attachments and at best he sounds like a narcissist. I can’t read his mind but it definitely sounds like abuse and using you.

But you’re seeing it maybe sometimes you don’t want to. But you do. You have every right to feel hurt but you’re going to need to remove yourself. You’ll have to grieve because you’re a good person. He’s someone you loved and cared about.

I know for these people they don’t feel that way so much. They feel sorry for themselves but that’s about irt

[Asker]

What are some examples you can include that he’s using and abusing me?

[Asker]

It’s just that nobody has ever tried so hard to win me over like to chase me and stuff. And he would always come back to me when we fight

[Summeroflove]

Asker believe me… These people can start off as VERY charming and appealing. It’s because he wants something from you. So they will be too good to be true for a time.

Such as going out on dates. It’s easier to pretend to be someone you’re not seeing someone once in a while. Living with them is another story.

[Asker]

And he also told me he’s never fell in love with a girl like he has with me, thats why he doesn’t give up. And he’s good looking he can get other girls

[Summeroflove]

He also fights over stupid stuff. He makes you feel insecure because he feels that way. Sure everyone has insecurities and relationships have those but they should be communicated. Not become where someone intentionally makes someone jealous and insecure.

Shutting you down. Not being able to communicate only gaslighting and starting a argument. Making everything your fault. If they fall on a banana peel walking down the sidewalk it’s your fault.

Taking things out on you that you can’t control. He had a bad day at work so he feels he can take it out on you. Not talk to you ahour ir but trust you like shit despite never doing anything to him

[Summeroflove]

Then why is he flirting and talking to other girls? You know what…. He’s using you probably because you have the best heart and are the best option. To feed off you….

A lot of times the people dark personalities pick as romantic partners aren’t the same people they have casual sex with.

It’s all talk…. He can say what he wants his actions show different. They can be VERY good with words

[Asker]

Yeah you’re right he has said he likes when I get jealous. i think because it makes him feel important. And he’s would take a nap and fall asleep then blame me for not waking him up. And also wake me up on days we both are off, knowing I need more sleep than he does.

[Summeroflove]

They love making you jealous because it makes them feel important exactly. As well as the fact that they have to rub it in your face how amazing they are. Oh look he can get so many girls

[Summeroflove]

Everything is your fault to them. Everything…. But when they do the same things they get angry at you for. It’s every excuse and justification.

I also assume he gets jealous vert easily of you as well. Even over stupid stuff when you never even did anything

[Asker]

Yeah it’s disgusting, I have never tried to purposely make my partner jealous. I did to him because he made me jealous

[Summeroflove]

Double standards is very common. It’s very one sided he can do things you can’t do. As well as you must do things he doesn’t have to do

[Asker]

I know he’s very controlling as in he calls me daily and if I’m not home he would call me and ask when I’m home. But he’s not as jealous as me

[Summeroflove]

Things like he may expect you to do all the chores around the house. Despite the fact you’re both working and paying the bills. Which… is also why he’s probably fighting so hard as well.

A lot of other girls he's probably with behind your back aren’t willing to do that. A lot of them aren’t willing to be loyal. A lot of them don’t seek a genuine connection. He also seen you’re vulnerable.

He could take advantage of a woman who says has a lot of money…. Only for so long because she can easily leave. But you it’s a lot harder. So he uses a a woman with a good heart barely making ends meet. That’s a real shame

[Summeroflove]

But what happens when he’s out? You better not bother him

[Summeroflove]

Controlling is very common. They must have control over you. They feel entitled to it. It makes them feel powerful. You’re a extension of themselves

[Asker]

Yea he always calls me lazy, I tell him “I make money (although part time), I clean, and I’m always doing the work with sex” as in I ride and he just lays there…sorry for tmi. Although he cooks most of the time, but it’s cuz he doesn’t like my cooking not my problem

[Summeroflove]

There you have your answer. You’re not a lazy person and one of the reasons he even has you is financially. It will never be good enough. Nothing ever is good enough for someone like that

[Summeroflove]

No it’s okay I understand how you feel. No passion in bed he's probably getting that form others. He wants you to be his slave.

You work to help pay his rent. Then you downs and cook and do everything. It’s very one sided but these people are alwyas the victim

[Summeroflove]

You could bring in a million dollars. Do all the housework. Do all the cooking. Wipe his ass for him and you would never be good enough.

He claims he loves you so much and you’re the best. But then he calls you lazy and other names. He speaks out of both sides of his mouth. To tear you down and just suck your energy away.

[Asker]

At first he was really cool with money. He would pay for almost everything, well because I didn’t work. But when I get a job and knew I made more than him, he began splitting all the bills.

[Summeroflove]

Asker these people start out amazingly until later in the relationship.

[Summeroflove]

It’s just sad and I am sorry about that. Some people are users.

[Asker]

Yes you’re spot on. In the beginning he was ditching everybody for me, now I’m being ditched for everything. Also we’re splitting everything. He’s mad when I go out, but when he does he says “a man’s gotta do what man’s gotta do”.

[Summeroflove]

Well what does that even mean? A woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do you’re allowed to have a life especially because you’ve been loyal and you know he’s probably cheated I think you can feel it.

Yes in the beginning. They will pull all the stops to woo you. But once they get control it’s hell on Earth.

[Summeroflove]

He seen you as a target someone in a low spot in life. But he also seen the value that’s in you as well and wanted to take advantage.

[Asker]

Oh yeah and he always asks me to bring items home to him when I’m out. But then he also buys me food unexpectedly.

[slatyb]

That seems completely normal. Looking at them is not the same as wanting to leave you to be with someone else. I always look at attractive women, but I don't imagine being with them instead of my wife.

[Asker]

I don’t know and he also stands close when talking to them

[slatyb]

Talking? Your question said "looking"

[Asker]

Well when ordering item, plus looking when we sat down

[slatyb]

Oh, they are servers in restaurants. Does he compare you to them? Does he ignore you to pay attention to them when they are not conversing with him?

[Asker]

He doesn’t compare us. I would say he would try to be sweet and feed me, sit beside me. But he will also glance at her four times, while the server sits near our table

[ChicoFromThe305]

Look on the bright side, he could've been talking to them

[Asker]

Is it normal

[ChicoFromThe305]

I guess it depends, is he looking or staring?

[Asker]

He glanced at this beautiful girl like four times

[ChicoFromThe305]

I guess it's a sign he can acknowledge an attractive appearance but if he didn't say anything or didn't make a big deal out of it, why should you? 🤔

[ChicoFromThe305]

Maybe remain aware but unless certain he's doing anything out of the ordinary I wouldn't say jump to assumptions

[Asker]

He didn’t say anything, as in compliment her? I don’t know I feel so insecure. I feel like the girl was trying to seduce him but kept putting down her hair then tying it up

[Asker]

And then eating near us

[ChicoFromThe305]

She probably was but look who he walked out that place with tho

[Asker]

But I felt like him glancing at her four times is hinting that he’s available

[ChicoFromThe305]

Not necessarily, mostly if he's in front of you, I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and if it bothers you so much communicate and have a mature conversation with him and see if y'all can talk things out

[Asker]

So we end up getting into a huge fight and he said he glanced at her a few times because he knew her sitting there, I would get jealous and mad. And I said why would you look at her several times then?

[Asker]

So stupid right

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea pretty stupid tbh lol

[Asker]

So he’s making excuses right

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't know, excuses for what?

[Asker]

Should I start looking at guys too

[ChicoFromThe305]

I guess if that's what you believe the solution for your relationship will be, the choice is yours anon

[Asker]

Because I feel like he stands too close to cashiers too.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well if you aren't happy with your relationship there's always gonna be an option to end things and move on

[Asker]

Yeah I’m not but I live with him in basement right now. And I don’t wanna move back in with my parents because my mom is toxic. Also me and him split rent so I only pay 600 and since it’s winter it’s hard for me to find a place to rent

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well then maybe trying to work things out is a better solution

[Asker]

But he doesn’t believe he’s wrong and I don’t think I’m wrong

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like y'all aren't compatible with each other, either that or y'all haven't tried hard enough to understand each other

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like I should leave but when I fall in love I almost can never leave unless that person leaves

[ChicoFromThe305]

But if there's no compatibility what's the point of holding on if you dont get the same love in return, if he isn't willing to communicate and find solutions with you then maybe he's not the person for you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You should give it deep thought and make a decision based on what you think it's best for yourself and based on your situation.

[Asker]

It hurts so much just thinking about breaking up

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well then id say do anything you can to avoid that but find solutions to your problems somehow

[Asker]

We just had physical fight today

[ChicoFromThe305]

Then that's just abuse and you should get away as fast as you could

[Asker]

Like I get way more jealous than he does. Does it mean I love him more?

[ChicoFromThe305]

It means you have a jealous side, something he might not have for you which I guess can in some ways signify that depending on how u look at it

[ChicoFromThe305]

If he's abusive tho you should fight for this relationship

[Asker]

But what if we’re both hitting eachother

[ChicoFromThe305]

Y'all are both toxic and abusive

[Asker]

I’m actually really depressed. I love him but I can’t fix this problem. I will always feel jealousy and trust issues with him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Im sure you'll find a solution

[Asker]

Today he told me he can call his friend to come keep me company and run errands while he’s at work. Do you think that’s a little weird? Is he passing me off to his friend?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea actually that is weird I'm no gonna lie

[Asker]

What do you think he’s trying to do?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't know id rather not speak on something I don't feel certain of

[Asker]

I asked and he said it’s cuz he trusts us both and that we were going to be in public. That his friend is doing him (my boyfriend) a favor.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Did you ask what the favor was

[Asker]

Well yesterday I told him that I wanted to help my sister get some of her stuff to downtown and ship them to her as she’s in another country

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't think I that has anything to do

[Asker]

What do you think it is?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I wouldn't have a clue tbh

[jahaims]

You decide your boundaries

[Anonymous]

It's OK to me.