What do men like on first dates? What is expected of a woman?

Question

This is a very specific question.

This Galentine's day, my group of friends were discussing how these days men are not menning, which essentially mean how these days, boys don't make the first move, they don't ask you out on a date, they don't plan it, they don't bring you flowers, they don't open doors for you, they don't offer to/or actually pay the bill on the first date and they rather behave nonchalant and chill about how they feel.

I am not saying these are all required or necessary, I'm not even saying these are what all the girls nowadays are expecting or wish for. That is not the argument here.

My question is very simple, right or wrong, these are some of the things expected off of a man, but what is expected off of a woman?

Now the scenario is simple, it's the first date, they have been texting for 2 weeks. Assuming the man does all of the above, he is known to be a gentleman but what is expected off of a woman to be the perfect date for the man?

PS: no, please don't say she is expected to put out, that is not the conversation I wish to be engaging.

PPS: I'm also solely talking about physical acts or behaviour and maybe superficial things and not something that may be mutually expected like good easy conversation, attention and having a good time, nothing like that.

Interesting in hearing your thoughts.

Updates

1 y

When I say physical acts and behaviour, I mean women equivalent of the characteristics of a chivalrous man.

Please don't give me examples of sexual acts or gift giving. The context is it's the first date, both want something serious and not casual and both don't know each other enough to give thoughtful gifts yet.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Times have changed. Men do not typically do the same stuff as in the past because women don't do the same stuff in the past either. Modern feminism, the #MeToo movement, and online dating have further divided us.

Modern feminism is nothing about equality. Women already have equality in this day and age. Modern feminism is about giving women the advantages of equality without the responsibilities. You have equal pay now, so why should the man have to pay the bill? Is your time more valuable? Do we have to pay for you to be there? Are you not equally interested in going on the date and getting to know us? Are you just there for a free meal?

If it was back in the old days, it made sense where the man pays the bills. Women made a fraction of what men made or were not allowed to work at all. And they also did all the housework and handled the kids. You want to talk about men courting women, buying flowers, pulling chairs, opening car doors, paying the bill, but you're not doing any of the other stuff. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Now I'm not saying I don't believe in equality. I do. But if you're for equality, you shouldn't expect just the man to be putting in effort.

#MeToo and all the horror stories about men getting charged with sexual harassment for even approaching or attempting to talk to women has completely dissuaded men from doing that. Not just that, but most of the time that we do ask women out, we're met with disgust or harsh rejection. Why would we ever want to approach women that treat us with immediate contempt. There are a lot of women that just hate men nowadays. And to that I say, we're not gonna waste our time on women like that.

Online dating has also divided us. Women get so much attention online and develop an inflated ego from it. It's to the point where they think they're hot shit and don't need attention in person unless it's their dream guy approaching them. They're not receptive to guys approaching them. If anything, they're extremely rude when approached most of the time.

If you want to be a desirable woman, ask yourself "What do I bring to the table?" If all you have to say is "my pussy and me" no man wants that other than the guys that only want to fuck.

On first dates, there's honestly not much a girl has to do. Try to dress nicely (most guys don't care for your makeup so don't try and use that as a reason for why a man has to pay the bill). Just talk normally. A first date is about getting to know the other person... seeing if you click in terms of views, interests, sense of humor, direction in life, and even sexual compatibility, etc.

Men also like subtle physical touches. Many men nowadays are afraid to even touch women without some kind of repercussion. So take matters into your own hand. Show that you're comfortable with touch and he'll feel much better about being in your space.

If you're only looking at things like the man paying the bill, and how much money and how tall and handsome the man is, it's not likely a relationship will work.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Sitting around complaining about men isn’t going to make the kind of men you want magically appear the same goes for men who sit complaining about women.

Number one making the first move is equal effort if all you do is wait on men who approach…. You’re the one limiting your options if the kind of men who are making a move aren’t the type of men you’re wanting.

Number TWO a relationship should be two sided. If I’m dating someone I made the first move, I planned the date, I got her flowers, and I’m not seeing any effort in return. I’m quick to move on either she obviously isn’t that interested in me or she’s one sided. So why bother wasting my time, money, and energy on someone whose not returning it. I’ll only initiate for so long until I notice that there isn’t any effort being returned.

The second thing is men don’t owe you shit the same as women don’t owe me shit. People with a entitled attitude are bottom of the barrel nobody HAS to ask you out. Nobody has to do any of those things and acting entitled will just repulse and chase men with self respect away. Nobody wants that especially people who aren’t happy with anything regardless. They expect you to pick somewhere for instance but when you do they don’t like it…. Like okay…. Good luck to you but I don’t think we are meant to be.

You’re allowed to have your standards and so are men. You’re not entitled to a free date… If you refuse to pay you can be slapped with theft of services. Which happens… Please tell me what you want out of a relationship and I’ll tell you what I want. If we are not compatible I respect that fully we don’t have to meet again. That’s why you date in the first place is to see if you’re compatible.

I don’t know what you mean by physical acts it’s a little vague and open to interpretation. Some people mean it as sex… Look if that’s all someone has to offer number one they are a loser and two they deserve to find the men who only want sex. Which are two extremes one extreme are players…. They will be men you see a future with but they will pump and dump. The other is the SIMPS…. They are so desperate for sex they will do anything.

Not saying that’s what you mean. But put effort in. If you’re interested in someone put the effort in and if you’re not respectfully break it off so you both can find someone else. Someone looking for a genuine connection is looking for a genuine connection. Not a one sided relationship and not just sex. Remember that

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

Traditionally a woman dressed well and made an effort (no sweatpants or trashy clothes). She was sure to smell nice, but not too much. She was conversational, asked questions, answered questions, but didn't overshare. These days, she would offer to pay her portion, and graciously accept if he pays. At the end of the date, she thanks him, and then if she doesn't want to pursue it further, tells him then if he seems safe. If he seems like the type to blow a gasket, just say she'll be in touch and break it off over text (breaking off over text in a long-term scenario is not OK; after a first date is totally fine if needed).

If she does want more, she'll say she had a wonderful time and would love to see him again if he felt the same. If he's evasive and not interested, she says she understands and hopes he finds the right one eventually, shakes hands, and leaves. If he's open to another meeting, you've had a successful first date.

Ms_Facesitter · Accepted Answer

Your friends are unlucky. My man Mans alright. GentleMans. He made the first move, brings me flowers, asks me out, plans it, opens the door, and offers and insists on paying for the date. If there is a puddle and no way around it, he Will pick me up and he Will carry me over, soaking his feet. Don't be mistaken, these guys are still out there!

Now an answer to your question, what do they like on the first date? Pay for you half. Yes it may be something you don't like because you just brought up 'how men don't pay'. If the date for some reason doesn't work out, at least they only paid for their meal. Show him that you're Just as invested than he is by paying for your part. I think it's a small thing that they surely do appreciate.

Cormac995 · Answer

With the context given If I went to that much effort (And I have) than if the date went well, I'd like to hold hands, hug probably kiss and maybe if things went really super well and there's a spark maybe cuddling. If I walked away with less than at least a hug and a kiss after all that I'd be pretty moody and disappointed for a while. If the date didn't go well that's a different story.

Dating is pretty much impossible if you're not at least middle or upper middle class this is a fucking lot to ask of a guy especially the first date in our society and economy. This is spoiling a girl rotten this is the kind of behavior most guys won't invest unless they've been with her for a while because it's too expensive, time consuming and stressful at times.

I don't think anyone should have sex on the first date pretty much period but if this much effort was put in I'd at least understand why a guy would be frustrated if you didn't reach that point. It's not your responsibility or his right to make you but that doesn't change the fact that's a lot of work to put in and being snubbed after all that is frustrating.

When woman want this kind of treatment especially when they feel entitled to it are infuriating. Frankly a big part of why men don't do that anymore is woman told us to fuck off and we listened.

lightofdarkness · Answer

First key is kindness. If he will act like real gentleman and feels like a princess to her then he gain 1 point.

Second key is his depth. How deep is he? He can see little detail in life or others' desire and passions? Can I talk with him earth problem, weak human connection? How mature is he etc.

Third key is intelligence. How smart he is? Does he easily understand to terrible situation? Does he has a plan for every time? Does he practical? Hard working, intellectual?

Last key is ettiquette and modesty. Is he modest or egoist? If he arrogant or ignorant i'll block him in every way. If he doesn't know how he should act in society he will köşe his chance to connect with anyone.

Shiprex · Answer

Physically any form of touch that isn't overtly domineering would be something, a greeting kiss may be a polite introduction but don't overdo the whole chest bump thing because that's a bit overwhelming and forward. Dress and behave in a feminine way. Not necessarily coy and feeble but kind and curious. Be interested and invested in the getting to know each other.

Other things to do though are to show interest and be kind and grateful for the effort that he's made to invite, arrange the date (greater chance he may pay but perhaps OFFER yourself to do so just to show you CAN and would invest in something).

If it's going well suggest that you return the favour, that YOU set up and arrange a second date as one is seldom enough to get to know each other and it takes any rush of desire for intimacy away from him (that's a strong driving force for men).

Phoenix98 · Answer

1# Be ladylike.  2# Engage in casual conversation.  3# Get to know me as I get to know you. Beyond those three things I have no real expectations of any woman on a first date.

Johnkramer98 · Answer

First date is a scouthing date for both males and females.

Each of them shall seek elements of eachothers personality, however, since it is the first date, there might be not the most honest behavior put to show for both of them.

Another thing is the eeason of the date

If the date is for a serious relationship to begin then other facts will be taken into consideration while if a date for carnal pleasure, maybe none other than physical appearance will be noted

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Not sure what you are supposed to do anymore.. since men don't like to be chivalrous anymore because feminist sluts and being empowered ruined it for us all. All you can do now is attend and hope he sees you as valuable, if not try again until you meet a guy who likes you.

Anonymous · Answer

OK in response to your first paragraph, IT WAS WOMEN WHO TOLD MEN to ‘GO AWAY’ and to ‘LEAVE US ALONE’. So we took you at your word and did just that.

Also you have said that ‘WE ARE YOUR EQUALS AND DEMAND TO BE TREATED AS SUCH’. So we took you at your word and did just that.

AND NOW YOU ARE COMPLAINING THAT YOU NO LONGER GET THE LITTLE ADVANTAGES YOU DID BEFORE?

Whose fault is that?

You wanted Equality, how about YOU do the asking out and paying for the date?

As for what do we expect from a woman on a date? How about you be engaged in the date, focused on the person who asked you out on the date instead of being focused on your smart-phone answering texts etc,

HungTexan · Answer

I’d say what I’d expect, although I’m obviously too old, is: you should dress like a lady, but maybe a little seductively. Maybe an air kiss, or kiss on the cheek when you great him. Touch his arm or hand during conversation if it feel comfortable to you. Look in his eyes as you talk and indicate interest in other subtle ways.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Don't take advice from the bitter men on here would be a good start. Just reading some comments on this thread just shows how clueless they are.  Authenticity is key. People appreciate it when others are themselves, not trying to be someone they're not.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I prefer not going on dates, and instead just hanging out and letting a close friendship slowly morph into marriage over the course of several years.

Dates as a method of figuring a person out, to me is just cutting corners and half assing the process. Whereas best friends tend to know eachother so well they can basically read the person's mind sometimes, with dates you are trying to force a closeness and knowledge base that isn't really there yet.

Coden7 · Answer

Saying Please, and Thank you.

If we ask you about your hobbies, we want to know what makes you, you.

I want you to be just as interested in me as I am in you. So talk to us about our hobbies, and maybe be open to trying each others out as follow up dates.

Be respectful of our time, our ride, and our wallet.

And have fun

nawtee_me · Answer

I can’t speak for boys of today but for me, I expect good attentive conversation meaning cell phones down… willing to be open and honest about herself. Nothing to personal on the first date but if I ask her what happened to her last relationship? I want her to do more than blame her ex for everything… I also expect her to have a mind of her own. If asked what would you like to do or where would you like to go. I don’t want her to just say, “what ever you want is fine….”

chrissykerdock · Answer

they like blowjobs but that son't mean you'll have a good realationship pe se but don't pay which indicates they don't really care for you

Lottydotty · Answer

I saw one girl at work given flowers and yeah my heart sank a little for others. I dont date and honestly wish I could be like a casanova, not for my benefit at all but to be able to show these girls their worth. Like its sad.

worldscolide · Answer

the best thing i can say is Quiet conversation and the chance to get to know you. and dont spend the date with your nose in your phone, and dont talk about your ex's..

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Polite, actively engage in the conversation, don't be afraid to have opinions, talk about your hobbies

Fireguy17 · Answer

pretty much get through it without looking like an idiot.

exitseven · Answer

How about just being present. No screwing around with your cell phone.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Politeness and openness at least. Some Women cannot even manage to do that on a first date.

Priya99999 · Answer

I guess men like when a girl tries to truly know him.. know his character and know him as a person

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

On a first date I don't expect much. I'm happy with the customary after-coffee BJ in the car.

Anonymous · Answer

Men aren't "menning" anymore? Lol. The hypocrisy of today's woman is astounding.

Anonymous · Answer

Anything from making out to feeling her up to getting a handjob to sex if she wants.

scott04sa22 · Answer

I never been on any romantic dates

shortster · Answer

I like her to show up on time and be chatty.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Blow job

Anonymous · Answer

Honesty.

What do men like on first dates? What is expected of a woman?

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