What do you primarily look for on a first date?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I realize that some of these answers could overlap as reasons, but what is the PRIMARY thing you're looking for on a first date?

Someone to take home for sex

Just to have a fun time regardless if sex or a second date is involved

Compatibility for a longer commitment beyond just casual dating

An ear to dump my life problems on

A free meal and drinks

First date? I can't even get someone to talk to me.

Other (explain in comments)

[CrazyGirl2]

I voted “C” compatibility for a future long-term relationship! I’ve always felt that dating was basically an audition for marriage, and if you can’t see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life… what’s the point? I have an older cousin (she's 30) she started dating a boy when she was 14. They dated all through high school, and then went to the same college and continued dating. They married about a year after graduating college, and now have two beautiful kids. I always nicknamed him “Schlumpy”, and to this very moment I can’t think of his name, only Schlumpy! My cousin DEFINITELY married “down” she definitely could have married a better looking guy, a funnier guy, (or a guy with ANY personality) and he DEFINITELY married up, Chelsea is gorgeous, and he is just this fat, boring lump. God knows what she sees in him, but she absolutely adores him, so good for her, I am seriously and genuinely happy for her. But whenever I date, that is my first thought. If I don’t like the way he eats, rather than think “it’s not that bad” I think “could I stand watching this every night for 10 years”? When I meet a guy where every answer to “but what about in ten years” is “I honestly don’t mind it”, then I’ll marry him!

[DaySpring]

her first love?

[CrazyGirl2]

@DaySpring Who? My cousin and Schlumpy?

[DaySpring]

yeah

[CrazyGirl2]

@DaySpring Yes, it absolutely was her first love. I believe she was 14 when they met on day 1 of 9th grade.

[DaySpring]

I think there is a lesson in her story. Thank you for sharing it.

[CrazyGirl2]

@DaySpring What’s the lesson? (I mean other than learn to lick your eyebrows like Schlumpy can?)

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so I would be looking for a chance at a commitment. There is so much more to it though. First, I’d check to see if he is Aussie. Yep? Ok, check.

Then I would prepare myself by sitting down so when I inevitably have a crisis after he opened his mouth with that dreamy accent, I would be sitting and no one would notice.

Then, I’d eye him up for stability. Like can I climb up there and smack him when that beautiful accent sasses me? Check. Last, I will break something (maybe of his) to make certain he can fix it. I break things. I’m only allowed to use a screwdriver, so he needs to be handy.

No he doesn’t need a handy at this point. To BE handy. If that all checks out and he can make me laugh, we are talking date #2 and possibly a future.

Hmm, got all that now, luckily.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

In all fairness if he has an aussie accent, let's you smack him and is cool with you breaking something of his and fixes it he probably ALSO deserves a handy. Lmao

[PrettyPriya]

Perhaps if I have invited him to dinner at home. You know what a turn on working with fresh produce and kitchen utensils can be.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Omg indeed i do

[DaySpring]

This is such a great question @ez-bri-z because it tells you where people's heads are and why possibly so many people get it wrong...

I look for...
1. Their Intent
2. Our ability to connect with each other emotionally but also intellectually
3. The trait of open mindedness
4. The trait of courtesy
5. The trait of kindness
6. The trait of tolerance
7. Their temperament
8. Their current level of Awareness
9. The goals they have or don't have (tells you where they are going to be)
It's tough to check off all the things during a first date but you keep your eyes open for them; especially intent. Hell check that before the date if you can.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Thank you!

This was a really great list and deserving of MHO so here it is!

[Kaneki05]

Never really had one, but it would be for more just to enjoy someone's company than anything serious. Though I think one need to ask some serious questions before considering 2nd date because well you don't want to date someone a couple times to find out they want kids and you don't or something.

Tbh though I am also not one who just goes on a date with someone I don't know so first dates not so much. More I just become friends with someone then it turns into more, jumping into a relationship without that first date.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Thats fair but even then there is still that first feeling out period when meeting someone new, right?

[Kaneki05]

I suppose, but that becomes all way more subjective to how they act towards you. Which actually maybe the same for a first date.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'm kinda tied between "just fun, regardless of sex" and "compatability for long term".

I've had two bad matches with the latter in the past, so I want to try the "just fun" approach for a little and just expand my horizons a bit.

I haven't ever dated casually, but I think it might be fun. Especially as I explore my sexuality and what I want out of my relationships.

For the date itself, I'm mostly looking just for a feel of the other person. Do we laugh? Do we have an easy time conversing? What do we have in common, what's unique to them? Etc.

[HighlyVolatile]

Mostly I'm looking to entertain myself and see if she can have as much fun as I do. How quickly or slowly things became affectionate or sexual between us was based on the dynamic and how she felt.

My dating style was also all day long (4+ hours typically, often 6+) and I preferred to spend it more on our feet than on our bums. So I'd often started with parks, amusement parks (my favorite), ice skating, and things of this sort. Then we might catch some dinner or coffee breaks in between, then at night maybe dance a bit, sing karaoke, etc.

I never did blind or online dates though. All the women I dated were ones I already met in person and we already clicked a lot for us to have gone on dates in the first place. If they weren't flirty friends then they'd at least be flirty acquaintances already.

[HighlyVolatile]

Ultimately what I was seeking (although I wouldn't get my hopes up on a first date; I'd need a whole lot of information that we are compatible this way to entertain the prospect) is what I have now with my wife: a lifelong partner for fun and adventure!

[ChrisMaster69]

Sort of B & C

for me it’s more about letting them know how I am, letting her ask stuff, find out about me, start developing that trust thing.

Also big one is looking to see if there is any chance of an emotional connection, sometimes you can tell fairly early that there will never really be any emotional link up, this is not matter how lovely she is or puts out.

I also look for certain personality and character traits as I don’t want someone passive or too quiet.

[Still-alive]

yeah compatibility. two big things are sense of humor and that she's actually paying attention to what im saying. it really says a lot when they do.

and if they don't seem like that have much a of a sense of humor thats pretty much a deal breaker for me.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

A sense of humor is essential for anyone I date. If you can't make me laugh then I'm mentally checking out of that date.

[Guy13]

A doer rather than a talker, sitter, and/or drinker. Of course, chatting and feeling one another out in small talk must happen. I have usually gone through chatting up one another before a “date”, therefore, I’m examining the possibility long-term commitment.

[DonkeyDan]

I'm not into dating at the moment as I have an arrangement with someone at the moment and we have agreed not to date anyone else. But if I were to date I'd be looking for the first date to be casual and chatty. Definitely no prospect for sex and if that is what she wants then there isn't going to be a second date.

[sirderpsalot123]

It's always a red flag if she dosen't offer to pay for herself. I wouldn't let her but offering to pay is very telling on what kind of woman she is.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I fully agree everyone should pay for themselves on a first date. Some go by the "person who asked" method and like... ok.. I guess. Still easier if each paid for themselves and that way there are no expectations of repayments or free rides.

[sirderpsalot123]

I actually don't mind paying for the date, (or even the first few dstes) I just don't want her to feel as if she's entitled to it. I don't disagree with you though. Both people paying for themselves isn't a bad idea.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

See I don't mind paying for the guy either. I actually feel weird when guys have paid for me even on a friend date where nothing was gonna happen. I just bring cash with me so I can just at least cover the tip at that point.

[Jaximus-Lion]

Just have fun, chat and get to know a new person/friend. If things work to have a second date so it's a yay, of it didn't work 🤷‍♂️ at least i was out and had fun

[Squaresquirrel]

I don't date like that.
When I go on a date, it's because we already know and like each other and we have a date to take it to the next level, and not to see if something is there at all.

[Kristog]

I believe the 1st date is about 2 people getting to know each other and see if they click not just sexually but emotionally and have similar tastes in humor and life... After that they can decide if they wish to take it further and 2nd date etc etc

[melanieeeB]

Primarily I just wanna have a nice time, see if we get along and would be compatible and just keep it light hearted

[exitseven]

I voted B but it used to be more to it than that. I never just looked for sex.

[kinggeorge007]

It depends on a lot of things. There isn't a straight answer to this. It could definitely be in between 2 and 3.

[poneglyphs]

I'm a B but sadly I rarely get dates or ask women out

[NathanDavis]

if I go on a date with you... I'm all up and about to take your soul, nothing less... lol

[Ez-Bri-Z]

But I need that soul for souling!

[NathanDavis]

yes, that's the point! we're sailing and souling, and sealing this deal, together!!

[legalboxers]

good conversation.. laughing.. banter. someone who I can see who I can grow older with

[OddBeMe]

Been a long while. But I meet new people everyday for business. And I try to find something interesting about them. Really interesting.

[Cleopatra1980]

Looking someone who can hold a conversation, sense of humor, who can be silly and serious at the same time.

[moonpie89]

Easy conversations, a connection, physical attraction

[Pudsmucker]

I don't need to say anymore. Guys just want to have fun too.