Why is it so difficult for old-souls to find friends and true love?

[A_Josh]

I have a dilemma. I’m not socially awkward, but my conversations take a different path than most people my age. What starts as casual small talk naturally turns into deep discussions about ambitions, family expectations, and how we see the world. People engage, appreciate these conversations, and even admire me for them. But I’m never truly seen as a friend. Instead, I feel like I’m viewed as a wise, compassionate figure—like a grandpa or an old soul—respected, but not someone people casually invite to hangouts, parties, or even follow on social media.

One thing I’ve noticed is how people adjust their behavior around me, especially with swearing. In high school, I volunteered at the library with an extremely extroverted girl. Around her friends, she was loud, carefree, and swore like there was no tomorrow. But with me, our conversations were deep and meaningful—about our identities, cultures, and struggles. She never swore, never joked the way she did with her friends. I know she valued our conversation and connection. I could tell by her engagement, and warm smile. Our conversations might open up thoughts about her own identity that she herself might not have thought about. Yet, I wasn’t her friend in the way her other friends were. The same pattern has played out in many of my relationships—people show me respect, but they don’t fully let me into their world.

And if I can’t even be seen as a casual friend, how will I ever be seen as a romantic partner? I fear that if I ask someone to grab coffee, they’ll say yes out of admiration or politeness, not genuine interest. Over the years, I’ve tried changing how I present myself, but I always return to who I am. How do I bridge this gap—so I’m not just the person people respect, but someone they truly want to be around?

[DishLady]

Aaaah. I'm sorry, my young friend, but as an old soul myself I'll share that you'll just have to wait. Rushing into things when you think you're "supposed" to be on a relationship will only land you in the arms of the wrong person and you'll ultimately part ways... possibly having to split a house and child custody and all manner of nonsensical things. JUST... WAIT.

[A_Josh]

But surely I can't just wait around doing nothing. I need to take initiative. Where can I find the other old souls in the world?

[DishLady]

Ok, not NOTHING, but don't get impatient with the process, ok? You go out with the one person and have a decent time... it's ok not to be head over heels, you just treat her nicely and move along to the next person you feel a stronger level of attraction to. I'm just saying that it takes longer for people like us to meet a person who is worth our time and attention.

[A_Josh]

Got it thanks.

[Off_Jack]

The answer is within your question. If you are being sweet and respectful and talking about family, ambitions, and worldviews, then you are not steering things in a romantic direction. Watch any romantic movie and you'll see what it's all about. First, you're the aloof yet likeable guy who doesn't reveal his emotions. She could never see herself with you. Then, after your paths cross a few times, you reveal your emotions and go through a transformation that shows you're not the douche guy she thought you were. You have to give her a mystery to unravel. You have to be a man, not her girlfriend.

[Off_Jack]

Watch "The Hating Game" on Hulu. The entire first part of the movie is about why she hates him.

[Nikki1989]

Old souls are often described as introspective, valuing deep conversations, and most people fail miserably at that.

[A_Josh]

But isn't that what most women or men crave for, a person that values them, cares for them, and can have a deep connection with them? And again, its not like old souls are always serious, their light hearted and friendly, just in a different way.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering the same thing myself.