How can I love someone again who wasn’t interested in me before?

[Anonymous]

So first of all. I used to really love someone and I told her multiple times. But she shut me down all those times saying she actually only likes me as a friend. I had to learn to live with that reality and eventually did. At least I thought I did.

The reason I did was because she told me that she would never be with someone she sees as a friend. Until she actually did and something in me clicked. I got angry and frustrated because in my eyes she lied to me just so she wouldn’t need to handle my feelings for her. And after a while I actually started falling out of love for her. I became good friends with her current boyfriend and never even felt any romantic feelings towards her.

Now the relationship with her boyfriend isn’t going to well and she is actually planning to break up with him. At least that’s what she told me. But the thing is that her way of speaking to me and her overall body language towards me has changed. Making me think she is starting to develop a crush for me. Now I don’t have any feelings towards her anymore. And I know that if she ever would tell me that she likes me. The best thing would be for me to tell her the truth and reject her.

But I actually don’t want to do that. Because I know that we would be a great couple. So I’m asking for advice.
- do I tell her I don’t have feelings for her anymore

- am I imagining things about her having feelings or at least a crush

- can I start having feelings for her again?

the reason I think I fell out of love is trust issues but I’m not sure.

[SueShe]

It looks as if she has kept you on the back burner just in case her current relationship is not working and it seems to be the case.

Now, either you have your self-esteem and dignity and tell her to go hike a kite if she decides to warm you up and use you as substitute for her failing relationship or then, you forget your resolution and your word and go after her. In this case, your resolution is not worth more than a New Year's resolution that will be abandoned after a few weeks.

If you lower yourself enough and forget about your resolution not to get infatuated with her anymore, then yes, you can develop feelings for her but be warned. She will hurt you more when she leaves you and she will definitely leave you again. Don't bet on her staying with you a lifelong.

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply this has actually helped me a lot and opened my eyes to quite a lot

[SueShe]

you are welcome

[DishLady]

She doesn't know what she wants. I would be cautious about starting anything with someone like that.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Douchie guy in the pic explains it. I’ve been there to, in a delusional day dream where I created an alternate reality in head about some fictional scenarios regarding a woman I wanted to have a relationship with. I was in 6th or 7th grade.

Don’t chase a woman that doesn’t love or even like you. If you do it again, thats cringy weak and dangerous for everyone involved buddy. Wake up lol

[bobalife]

Best to not say anything. Wait to confirm when she makes clear signals she’s into you or is more direct about it.

[Anonymous]

Good god, man, you are in your 30s. Start acting like it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dude just don't. Go find another girl.

[In_Trance]

you can't