How do I break up with someone?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I've been dating this very sweet guy for 5 months now but I feel the need to break up with him because I haven't really wanted to be in a relationship. It's hard for me to be dating a guy (I'm bi) and I've only ever dated one girl. I have a fear of men from a when I had to deal with my biological father who did unthinkable things to me when I was younger. Now, I know my boyfriend wouldn't do that to me but I still have the immense fear and I simply just think a relationship isn't the best for me at the moment. He's also a pretty depressed guy and I'm scared that if I break up with him, he'll do something irrational.

[SueShe]

There is only one right way to break up with someone and that is honesty. It will be a difficult time for both of you but you owe it to yourself and to him to be straight forward with him and to tell him exactly the way you feel it.

If (and when) you do it, talk to him on a face-to-face basis and not over text or video chat. That is the minimum you can do because he deserves more than just a line of text.

You expressed your fear of him doing something irrational and that is a justified concern. He will probably get into a depressive state but that is unavoidable. Prepare a list of issues you see in your relationship, learn it by heart and then go through this list one item at a time, giving him the time to "digest" the item and to give him the option to speak out.

Do not let anger, frustration or other negative aspects blind you and try to stay as calm and factual as possible. When you separate, do it so he can keep his dignity and you yours. You may still be friends with him. Good luck.

[deniz_9]

i love how you said thisss💕

[SueShe]

@deniz_9 Thanks 👍

[deniz_9]

🫶🫶

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, girl, that's a really tough situation. I can totally understand why you'd wanna break it off with this guy, even though he seems really sweet. You gotta do what's best for you, and if you're just not feeling the relationship, then that's totally valid.

The most important thing is to be honest and upfront with him. Don't just ghost the guy or make up some BS excuse. Sit him down and have an open and honest conversation. Let him know that you really care about him, but that you've been struggling with your own stuff - like the fear of men and not being sure about dating a guy. Make it clear that it's not his fault at all.

I know you're worried he might do something irrational if you break up with him, but try not to let that keep you in a relationship you don't want. Make sure he knows you're there for him as a friend, and encourage him to seek support from other loved ones or a professional. But don't feel responsible for his mental health - that's on him.

Just be really gentle and compassionate when you talk to him. Let him know you appreciate how sweet and caring he's been, but that you need to do what's right for you. Reassure him that it's not about him, it's about you needing time to work through your own baggage.

It's never easy breaking someone's heart, but you gotta put yourself first, girl. Be kind, but firm. He might be hurt, but he'll appreciate your honesty in the long run. And who knows, maybe down the line you two can reconnect as friends once the sting wears off.

Sending you strength, sis. This ain't gonna be fun, but you got this. Stay true to yourself, and don't let fear hold you back. You deserve to be happy, even if that means letting this guy go.

[Anonymous]

Breaking up with someone is never easy, especially with these complex factors. Choose a private, calm setting to talk to him directly and honestly. Start by acknowledging his positive qualities and the good times you've shared. Then, clearly state that you need to end the relationship, focusing on your own needs and feelings rather than blaming him. Explain that you're realizing you're not ready for a relationship right now, and that you need to address personal issues stemming from past trauma. Reassure him that this isn't about him, but about your own journey. Acknowledge his potential sadness, but avoid taking responsibility for his emotional state. If you are genuinely concerned about his mental health, suggest resources like mental health hotlines or support groups, but don't feel obligated to stay in a relationship out of fear. Prioritize your own well-being and safety.

[DishLady]

Clean break is best. Tell him you don't want to be in a relationship. You're just not ready.
Tell him up front that you're going to block him and remove him from your social media etc.
Tell him up front that you don't want him contacting you bc though he's nice you need to have time to yourself.
And tell him up front that you've already blocked and removed him. Don't give him room to argue with you.

It sounds really mean but actually it's the kindest thing you can do for a guy to just be up front so he registers what you're telling him and doesn't spend time dwelling on you.

[LONERLONLEY666]

Dont be scared dont feel bad, your already feeling bad. Be honest with him just like you where just now, its always the best avenue, he's going to be disappointed but if you haven't tokd him these kind of things it will be so much better of a break up because he can be shocked by 2 things rather than one, and justify it not being about him a bit better causing less pain for him, who knows you might become closer as friends after having told him in that way

[IslaTheWitch]

do it fast and honestly say what you feel, so he can create a closure and move on

[deniz_9]

tell him honestly girlyy wish you the bestttt🫶

[In_Trance]

you tell them straight up that it's over. you block them, delete all contact info... and that's it. You're done

[Anonymous]

Share WHY you're breaking up with him. I thought you were a biznatch until you told that story. Even if it isn't true I would accept that.