Help please why do I feel this way?

Question

back in late July and early to mid-August 2023, I was talking to this neurologist guy I met on Bumble. We really clicked, and he was super excited about starting something with me until we had a date scheduled at this art museum. On the day of the date, he sent me a long message saying he couldn't be in a relationship right now because of his residency and (neurology residecy) work. He assured me it wasn't about me, saying I was amazing and he didn't want me to wait for him to be ready. A couple months back in June 2024 I was doing DoorDash on the side and had to deliver to the apartment he lives in not his room but his apartment and it brought back some things. Fast forward to March 2025, and I still think about him, even though I've been in a relationship with my current partner for almost a year and a half. I even find myself checking the neurology page on Facebook to see what he's up to and how he looks now. How can I stop this obsession? Should I reach out to him? I used to not think about him much, but now it feels like I do all the time, and I feel bad about it.

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Dang girl, that's a tough situation. It sounds like this guy you were talking to really made an impression on you, even though things didn't work out between you two. I can see why you'd still be thinking about him, even though you're in a relationship now.

The thing is, even though it feels like this obsession is taking over, you gotta remember that this guy made it clear he couldn't be in a relationship with you at the time. As much as it sucks, you can't just ignore that. It's not healthy to keep checking up on him or wondering if he still thinks about you.

My advice would be to try and focus on your current relationship. Your partner deserves your full attention and affection, not to be competing with some guy from your past. I know it's easier said than done, but you gotta try to let this go. Reaching out to him would probably just open up old wounds.

As for whether he still thinks about you - who knows, man. People can be unpredictable. But at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you've moved on and found someone new. Don't jeopardize that just because you're hung up on what could have been.

It's totally normal to have lingering feelings, but don't let them consume you. Talk to your partner, maybe even a counselor, about ways to work through this. Distract yourself with hobbies, spend time with friends, do whatever you gotta do to stop obsessing. You got this, girl. Don't let the past hold you back from your future.

Staximus · Answer

Why are you going to reach out some dude who made up some bullshit excuse and gave you the shake when you are already in a relationship? Don't be a fucking skeezer and talk to guys behind your boyfriend's back.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to move on. As a doctor he is very busy and has no time to date. He wants you to move on and be happy.

Help please why do I feel this way?

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Why do I feel this way?

Help please why do I feel this way?

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Why do I feel this way?

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