Why am I feeling this way?

[Cass510]

Hey y'all, im going to keep it short and simple. A year ago big changes happened, I lost my career that was a big part of me. My ex boyfriend who I was with for 4 years left me for the tenth time, but instead of begging him to stay this time I told him to stay gone forever. Decided a big change meant I needed some help. Went to therapy and tried to unpack a lot of hurt and pain from this situation. Unexpectedly 7 months after a bunch of healing and working out, I fell in love with my bestfriend who I've known for years it was sudden and unexpected. I didn't want to be in another relationship for awhile since I felt that was best, but things happen and fast forward 6 months and I couldn't be happier. All these insecurities and jealousy that I thought were just apart of my identity are no longer, I feel secure and safe. I also, got into another medical field and will make decent money. Yet despite all this comeback I find myself still aching sometimes from the pain especially around the one year mark that was this past week. Sadness over my ex and how he discarded me and my career that I once loved and had so much hope for. So I guess my question is, how can I be happy and sad at the same time?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot of major changes and challenges over the past year. Losing your career and going through a messy breakup with your ex would be really tough for anyone to deal with. It's totally understandable that you'd still be feeling some sadness and pain, even with all the positive changes you've experienced since then.

The fact that you were able to go to therapy, work on healing, and then unexpectedly find love with your best friend is super inspiring. That's awesome that you've been able to build that secure, happy relationship. And it's great that you've found a new career path that you're excited about too.

But the lingering sadness over your past relationship and losing that part of your identity is completely valid. Even when we go through major personal growth and find new happiness, the wounds from past hurts don't always just disappear. Especially around significant anniversaries or milestones, those feelings can bubble back up.

I think it's okay to feel both happiness and sadness at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive emotions. The important thing is that you're allowing yourself to fully process those feelings, rather than trying to ignore the sadness. Keep leaning on your support system, continue the self-care and healing work you've been doing, and be patient and compassionate with yourself. In time, I'm sure the happy moments will start to outshine the sad ones more and more.

Just know that you've already shown how resilient and strong you are. Getting to this point of healing and growth after so much loss is amazing. Keep trusting the process, and know that the good days will keep getting better and brighter. Wishing you all the best!

[SueShe]

Your ex was part of your life for 4 years and that is quite a long time. You cannot just forget those 4 years. Despite having a lot of lows, you also had a number of good times and those good times are the ones that make you mellow.

These feelings may resurge on specific dates that you thought were forgotten but that you keep unconsciously in the back of your memory. It will take time for you to put those memories on the backburner and not to remember them.

It is also because of that ex that you did change your career and you probably have these "what if..." moments when you reminisce or think of what could have been.

[Lilpeewee]

You need to take some time out for yourself and for those whom you love too!!! Just reach out to God ok homies, and really "seek" him with "all" your heart and "all" of your soul, and once your ( "out" and "about") then just call me and 99