How do you know if you’ve lost feelings for your partner?

[Anonymous]

Lately I’ve been growing more distant from my boyfriend. I don’t get as excited when I see him and I’ve been showing less affection. I could just chalk these up as me losing feelings for him BUT I’ve also been struggling with depression the past couple of months and it’s made me feel numb.

I’m aware of the ebbs and flows of a relationship and I know that sometimes there are moments where you’re not as excitedly in love with your partner. But to love someone is also a choice right?

I just can’t tell if this is just my depression taking over or if I’ve actually started to lose feelings. What are some signs that you’ve lost feelings for your partner (not because of your mental health)?

Updates

1 y

Thank you everyone for your input. I ended up going to therapy and was diagnosed with depression. I haven’t been able to feel any joy or positive feelings lately and that translated to this feeling of overall numbness. I still love my boyfriend, I just need to work on my mental health for a bit.

[SteveSmith1985]

No it's not a choice to love someone! Holy shit. Not in the context of someone you know really well or are in a relationship with. Goddamn,. Honestly it's a nightmare of mine to be in your boyfriend's shoes. If you don't feel it, don't fake it.

I don't know what your mental health concerns might be. If they're serious (you take medications beyond your standard atidepressants) then It's hard to comment.

But in my opinon any girlfriend who feels the way you feel should end the relationship. I wouldn't want you to stat with me.

Depression doesn't make you stop loving someone. I'm not a doctor or qualified. BUt I have never heard of this as a phenomenon. Not ever.

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you have lost feelings for your partner. Depends on how long the relationship is too

[ohsheeT]

The best way to find out is both of you go on walks at a fast pace 30 min a day for 30 days get up take a shower. Do things all day keep motivated. . Look this is going to sound mean And if that's the way you want to look at it go forward.
NO matter what we want in life we have to work for it. If you only new what I have been through in life. You would think I would be depressed or want to be depressed... fuck that we are only on this planet for so long. .. and I'm not going to waste my time bringing my self down .. I'm the only one that is in the inside of my body heart soul mind. I'm the only one that can make my self happy or sad.

As your self if some one was trying. To hurt you you would fight your ass off to live... you need to do the same thing with what your going through right now

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I would focus on the depression first so that you have a clearer mind on your feelings for your partner. It can lead to losing interest in a lot of things, not just love, and you would regret it immensely if you got on meds, worked with a therapist and found a better mental state, but had already broken up with them.

[Asker]

You hit the nail on the head. It’s definitely my depression that’s clouding my judgment.

[IslaTheWitch]

I didn't... I needed time to distinguish them, heal and move on

[Asker]

Yeah it’s definitely not easy especially when you’re also dealing with depression because it just makes you lose ALL feelings, even love…

[IslaTheWitch]

I didn't, but not every relationship can survive, even if there is love...

[IslaTheWitch]

and depression is something you should consult with your therapist

[Finchie40]

When you no longer care about what they are doing or where they are going , when you exclude them from things and no longer make them a priority in your life , depression can be the reason for that or the only reason you have depression , is because you realized you are with the wrong person. It’s best to go seek a therapist before making a decision if you are completely unsure why you feel this way about your partner. Also ask yourself will you be ok if your partner was no longer a part of your life? You will no longer see them or hear from them , Are you ok with that?

[Asker]

This is really helpful, thank you

[DishLady]

What do you mean "how do you know"? You either HAVE or DON'T HAVE feelings of love for this person.

[Asker]

I guess I was having a hard time distinguishing between the numbness caused by my depression and just my overall feelings towards my boyfriend

[DishLady]

If you're prone to depression to the point that you can't distinguish one thing from another perhaps you should just let the guy go regardless. It doesn't sound like you're being fair to him.

[Asker]

I’m not usually prone to depression which is why I’m a bit lost right now. I have given him the option to walk away because I don’t think I’m capable of being a caring girlfriend right now but he said he wants to stand by my side because I was there for him when he was depressed.

[ProbablyClueless]

Loving someone is definitely a choice! I would say that you know you've lost feelings for your partner when you recognize that you two are genuinely no longer on the same side.

When you can safely say that you're no longer trying to do what is in each other's best interest.

[Asker]

That makes sense! I still deeply care for my boyfriend but I think I’m just losing the overall spark due to my declining mental health

[NoDecision]

It's sad in so many ways. But you know, as well as most people, that feeling cool and the thrill left on the last train out of town. You just have to do what others do, get yourself together and move on, unless somehow, you can rekindle that flame that you had. However, if it has gone on for awhile, there may be no getting it back to the way it was.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/1xs17f0MApA

[Med_guy1978]

Sad but true 😔

[Nikki1989]

You feel emotionally distant from them. Once that happens, the end is near unless both are prepared to do the hard work to fix the situation.

[Asker]

Do you think if it got to that point that the relationship can still turn around?

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Talk to him about your feelings depression at least for me mess with how I feel towards people

[Asker]

I finally opened up to him about my mental state and he did tell me that he noticed how withdrawn I was getting. I’m now actively trying to do better for him

[Ferngully2000]

I think if you don’t care anymore then it’s really the beginning of the end. As sad as it is to accept, some relationships just fizzle out and that’s ok. Don’t settle.

[fish5505_87]

Awesome to hear that you got help. Wish you the best! Stay with us!

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[GAGsucksballs89170]

You stop having sex.

The be all end all of a relationship, is sex, right?

[Asker]

We still have sex 3-4x weekly but I feel a bit more detached. I think it’s just my depression taking over

[NicholasRedone]

You eyeball other more attractive people 👀 👀 👁️ 👁️

[jahaims]

You aren't emotionally intelligent enough for a healthy relationship if you have to ask this question

[Eempriyanka]

You know it down there..

[PaleDale]

No intimacy

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆