How do you know if you've lost feelings for someone?And when is the right time to give up?

[Anonymous]

We've been dating for about a year now. I know he loves me and he talks about getting married. I WAS happy with him, but lately, things have changed, and I'm starting to feel distant. I feel it from him too. We have been fighting non-stop for 2 weeks now, and I don't know if that is the reason I am feeling this way. I know deep down I am starting to resent him, and I think it was after a huge fight we had recently. While yelling at each other, I tried to grab something beside him, and my elbow touched his face. He imediately stood up, grabbed me, and raised his fist.He didn't hit me but I knew he wanted to. He sat back down, then angry me started pushing him to just hit me already if that's what he wanted to do. I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted to know if he is that type of guy or not. I know I pushed him to his limits, he stood up again, and grabbed me, then threw me on the bed with him on top. He started hitting the bed (my both sides) as if he was picturing me. I was so scared I had my eyes closed until it was over. He didn't hit me. But I was terrified. We talked after that, and he said he was sorry for what he did, and he knows it was wrong, and doesn't want to do it again.But he was still mad because he said I pushed him to do it. I pushed him to get that angry. We've resolved it and everything seems fine. But I know something inside died since that night. I can't pinpoint what it is, but I'm not happy anymore. And honestly, I don't think he is either. We live together, which makes it even harder. We still fight, and try to talk things out. But I just can't get myself to feel the way I used to. He asks me why I'm sad, but whenver I mention that night, he gets all mad again, and says it was my fault too. And he gets mad because he thinks I'm callng him an abusive man. At this point, I really don't know what to think. I don't even know what to feel. If I wanted to break up, then why can't I seem to? I still want to work it out with him, but I don't know how. I told him I feel like things have changed, but he doesn't see it. I'm miserable, and I want to be away from him for awhile, but I don't have any other place to stay. And I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him anymore because I don't know what it is I really want to say.

I know my questions are so unclear. I just need advice or opinions on what I should do. Is there any hope? Should I wait, and see if it gets better? Did I lose feelings, or am I just upset? I don't know what's going on, and I don't know what to do.

[Wolverine]

It sounds like you're scared of what you saw that night. You stated that you dated for about a year, and obviously had not seen that side. Unfortunately, he's uncommunicative about that night, maybe because HE was frightened about who he turned into that night. If you really want to save this relationship, you should mail him a letter (to his job, if possible), explaining your feelings in depth, and asking why he thinks that happened that night, as it hadn't happened previously. You said that he loves you, but didn't mention that you actually ever loved him (I'm sure that you were implying it, but don't want to assume). So you have to take stock of how you were feeling before the event. Even the mildest of men, under stress, can come unglued. This is workable, but it will take 2. And if he continues uncommunicative, then its over.

[Asker]

I think you're right. He might have been scared of what he did as well. I guess that was the answer I was looking for. I wasn't sure if it was normal, or if it's something I should run away from. He was under a lot of stress, and I'm sure he blew up like you said. I talked to him about it lastnight, and to my suprise he didn't get mad. Instead he reassured me that it won't ever happen again, and we came to an agreement of what we will do the next time we both reach that kind of anger. Thank you.

[Wolverine]

You're welcome. Congrats!

[chettah-two]

stop hitting a dead horse.

Resentment only grows.

He is going to be violent in the future,

[Asker]

Really? That is what I'm really worried about. Really really worried about. How could I talk to him about it? Everytime I bring it up, he gets mad.

[kaylacrayola]

id say its pretty much a lost cause. if he is acting that way, that's not good. and it doesn't help that you are questioning your feelings. maybe talk to him and tell hime how you feel.