Is it wrong for me to ask this?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend has this male friend which I'm not really fond of, because

1) He left his girlfriend for another girl but then things didn't work out and he shamelessly asked her to get back together (and she forgave him) (my boyfriend even defended him saying that his friend was "going through a lot")

2) Ever since me and my boyfriend started going out, he was super disrespectful towards our relationship, like interrumping our dates and stuff

One time, the two of them went to study abroad and he teased my boyfriend that he must have some foreign woman who "caught his fancy" (and also that friend almost cheated on his girlfriend because of some foreign girl he met at the bar)

My boyfriend got mad at him for this comment

The thing is... I usually spent time at my boyfriend's house... But now that friend, for personal reasons, is living there with him for a certain period (I hope)

Last time, I went to visit my boyfriend (he asked me to come) and then his friend came too and when we were alone, he asked me if "I didn't have better things to do" (which made me super uncomfortable)

So now I'm not sure about going to my boyfriend's house because I know his friend is gonna be there too

I want to ask my boyfriend to come to my house to spent time together but he rarely wants to go to my house, since he would rather prefer me going to his house

What should I do?

[ohsheeT]

You are in between a rock and a hard spot.

You know when you get those gut feelings
That is your energy. Your other brain.
Your subconscious. Speaking to you.

You asked this question Because down deep. You already know the answer. You already. Know the whole story what's gonna happen

It's the same thing with everybody on here They have a gut feeling. There's some consciousness speaking

And down deep they know they're right But we always have to ask. We have to look for other answers Because of course we don't like The?
Answer that we know Is right.

I I feel bad for you. Because I can feel your words. I can feel your heart And you'.
Re really really good person

But here's the thing about life
Is that we all have to make choices And it's called cause and effect

You have this beautiful thing going that you believe And your probably right

Your boyfriend has a beautiful thing going And he's probably right

And his friend already went through what you guys are about to go through.
But he's not a true friend with your boyfriend. Because if he was he would give him heads up and say Hey don't do this. Learn from my mistakes

But what's going to happen is your boyfriend Good to make a choice , It's either you or his friend

So now it's a learning experience
You get to learn who your boyfriend truly is how mentally strong He really is

Your boyfriend gets to learn that His first choice, you. Was the right choice

You also get to learn how strong of a person you are And how beautiful of a heart you have

He also gets to learn What happens When you pick friends over girlfriends
He also gets to learn about broken hearts Because that's what he's going to have After he loses you

His friend doesn't give a fuck Because his friend is still selfish And only once what he wants but he needs a buddy to do it with

Choices and cause and effect

He was smart. He would come and see you And hang out with you But he's not going to do that. He's going to pick his friend over you
And think that he's smarter than you Just like his friend already did to his girlfriend But you can see how that worked out. He got cought. Just like your boyfriend will get cought

But out of all three of you even though you have a broken heart you will come out of it smelling like a rose.

Because someone above is watching out for you and put all this in play. Just to show you your boyfriend is not the one for you.

Because he is a follower. And is going to prove it to you with everything that has been put in motion to teach all 3 of you a lesson.

And you have to understand how beautiful of a person you are how beautiful of a soul heart and spirit you have.. and you don't Deserve to feel any pain. Cause by everything that happens. You have to remember none of these choices are yours And they were meant to happen to protect you

I know all the sounds crazy And I also want to say just because I say all the above It's not mean that I am right

What it means is just be prepared for anything and everything And understand you can hold your head up high. Because you are a beautiful person and you have not done anything wrong

So now it's in your boyfriend's hands his choice. His loss

[Summeroflove]

Asking questions is normal it’s by far better then someone jumping to conclusions and being more accusatory. Communication is important and if someone else cannot communicate it could signal problems.

I don’t know but it depends on the situation it’s really sad when someone uses someone to fall back on. But who knows some people do gain feelings back sometimes it just really depends but you’re probably right. It was probably a really crappy thing to do but people do this by keeping someone else on the back burner in case things don’t work out. But going through a lot isn’t a excuse to put someone else through pain maybe she also was going through a lot. But some people play the victim.

Being disrespectful isn’t okay I understand changing plans but if he’s just being a douche about things that’s not okay either. He shouldn’t disrespect you and if you’re respectful to him it isn’t fair.

You need to talk to your boyfriend unfortunately seems like a narcissist that’s using your friend. This is what narcissists do is they use everyone they can as well as feel entitled. He would use you if he could and be careful because calling these people out can get you attacked. As well as smear campaigns these people are just cancers who spread their toxicity to everyone they can get their hands on.

[OneViewpoint]

Be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him his friend is a creepy immature man-child and a piece of shit morally who you're not comfortable having around. Let him know that you're not gonna be going to his house as long as that guy is there and you're not gonna hang out with the man-baby as a third wheel because the guy is obnoxious towards you.

Boyfriend can do one of 2 things...

1.) He mans up and has a heart to heart with his buddy to tell him he either cleans up his act and starts behaving like an adult or he doesn't get to sit at the big people table any more. More directly... "You will respect my girlfriend or you will GTFO".

2.) He wimps out and becomes an apologist for his buddy because he lacks the spine to have the conversation outlined above in option #1.

Either way you win. If your boyfriend is a pussy, better to find that out as soon as possible and move on to a better use of your time and energy. If your boyfriend isn't a pussy, the man-baby gets put in his place and life goes forward with his friend on notice that his bullshit will not be tolerated.