We're we not dating?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy since August. He's made a point to let me know I'm the only one he's talking to. I asked him to be my boyfriend in December. He said yes.

My roommates went outta town so I asked him to stay with me while they were gone.

The first night were in my room after dinner. We're in bed watching a movie and he takes my hand and says "Are you my girlfriend?" I laughed because I thought he was joking. But he continued by asking "what are we doing here?"

When I asked what prompted that question it had something to do with his coworker asking if I was just girlfriend and he didn't know how to answer. I told him the answer should've been "yes" he said "I know, but I wasn't sure."

The whole thing has me feeling stupid because we've talked a lot about "we" and "us". We've met the friends. We've met the parents. I reminded him I asked and he said yes, he acknowledged both events. What the actual fuck?

[SteveSmith1985]

What the actual fuck indeed! This is... not something I've ever seen before. Or heard of.

Is... it possible he suffers from some sort of medical condition you're unaware of?

December wasn't such a long time ago, that he might have forgotten the conversation where he agreed to be your boyfriend. Also the "we" "us" and the meeting the parents thing.

Is it possible he is concussed?

I have a question for you. How did that conversation end? He acknowledges that, yes, I remember those couples things like meeting friends and parents.

I suppose its best that this was clarified for him now, as opposed to later.

I don't really know what to say. Is it possible this man is just... a dummy?

Wow. I do sympathize with you here. This is a new one for me (and you too!)

Good luck

[Asker]

No concussion. He remembers when we first met, he remembers me asking him out, and remembers saying yes. He can even tell me what I was wearing. When I told him he should have told her "yes" he said "I know."
I mean he calls me his woman, his lover, his partner, honey, and more recently "mi amor". He nods when I say "your my man". And I definitely wouldn't call him dumb though he's said and done some stupid things.

[SteveSmith1985]

So, are you gonna just let it go and move on then? (you kinda have to, assuming you want to continue).

That is so weird! I have no explanation for how this ever happened.

[Asker]

We talked a bit that night but I was just so confused. I explained to him where I see this going and told him he needed to think about whether he wants the same thing. He spent the next few days at my place and I felt like we were in a good place until the roommates got home. He seemed quite then but I figured that was because it was a full house again.
The uncertainty is definitely a new one for me.

[SteveSmith1985]

You do need to have that talk about what he wants. Didn't he... know what he wanted when you said that? I would think he would try and explain that he didn't need time to think when you told him to take some time.

I think you need to judge this on is words. Whatever he says in answer, to your telling him to think about what he wants is all you can go by. You really can't base anything off of 'everything seeming good. (you in particular can't judge this relationship by that)

[Asker]

Playing back prior events I think he might be worried that I've already fallen in love with him. I can see it happening but I'm not there yet. The night before he mentioned he was worried about how much I spent for his birthday gift, which wasn't a lot but my presentation was killer!
I wanted to give him time to think about what I was saying and not feel like I needed an immediate answer. To understand that I do have deep feelings for him and not just some crush. He hasn't had long relationships and I want him know if he wants it to happen I'm someone who is patient and someone he can build with.

[SteveSmith1985]

You sound like an excellent girlfriend. Exceptional in fact. You are quite right. I don't know you, or your history or him or how you feel. What you said here, makes perfect sense to me. I want to wish you two all the best. 🙂

[MannMitAntworten]

Why is this a vague thing for couples these days? “Are we together as a couple? Yes or No?” Answer and that is that. If one of you hesitates in answering, the answer is also No. Easy…

[Asker]

Shouldn't be vague. I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said yes.

[Anonymous]

He’s just worried. As long as you both agree you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, no harm done.

[Asker]

It's got me worried... So I think harm was done. It made me feel stupid. in what would've been three months he's not even sure if I'm his girlfriend.

[Cristi019]

The actual fuck could be that he's not sure... of him.

[Asker]

I'm not sure why he's not sure... He definitely treats me like his girlfriend.

[Cristi019]

He can't have Alzheimer, that's for sure. But could be some uncertainty that keeps it with himself and doesn't want you to see it.