Are we dating or not dating?

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing this one guy now for around 6 months. He’s taken me out to several dinners, spent Valentine’s day with me, gets me gifts, has introduced me to his inner circle of friends and family. Essentially plays the boyfriend role, the only thing is he hasn’t asked me to his girlfriend.
We got into an argument a few weeks back about one of his friends casually hanging out with me and my friends. He said he didn’t like it and doesn’t want to lose to me. We were talking in person and he breaks down and starts crying telling me how much he cares about me, wants a future together, how’s he’s almost told me he loves me several times (in my opinion that’s him basically saying it) but then he says “we’re not dating though.” I tell him to explain himself.
He tells me that he “worded that incorrectly” and claims that him and I are in a relationship and exclusive except there’s no “label” to it. He claims he wants to be 1000% sure because this is the last relationship he ever wants to be in before marriage. I’m not sure what to think because this whole time he’s made it very clear to me how much i matter to him and it’s evident that he’s not spending his free time with other women because he’s working the entire week and spends his time with me always. I’m not sure if I should ask him about it or let it be.

[SueShe]

Your type of relationship is a problem because you state that he "plays the boyfriend role" but without wanting to take the full responsibility of it.

He keeps the exit ajar because he does not want to commit definitely to being a full fledged boyfriend that is not afraid of commitments.

If after 6 months of dating, he does not want to have this label put on him and always finds excuses not to, then he may love you on the spur of the moment, alas not enough to take this very last step.

That behavior is in my opinion a red flag because if he does take that last step, he would definitely bind himself to you. The fact that he still does not, simply means that he has 2nd thoughts and that he wants to keep this exit open, just in case.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response, I agree because he mentioned that in his past relationship he got cheated on but, “don’t worry I won’t let my past affect our future”. He’s a few years older than I am, 25 and always tells me that he doesn’t want us to ever break up and that i’m stuck with him indefinitely. The second thoughts part I noticed too because when he had broken down he told me that once he makes that final decision about the dating he doesn’t want to ever land back into the dating pool (I know I mentioned this previously). In your opinion, is this a relationship I should continue to invest in? Even with the second thoughts aspect?

[SueShe]

Listen, you know him better than anyone of us here on GaG. If your gut feeling tells you to back off, then do it because in the long run, you will hurt yourself less than if you stay another 10 years and then he will back off. By then, your biological clock has ticked away and you will find yourself in a situation that you could have prevented.

I am not saying that you should do it but listen to what your intuition is telling you.

[sheikalana]

Seems like a relationship to me. He acts like a boyfriend but he also doesn't make it clear and I think you deserve to know where you both stand.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I got too lazy to read it all. Just talk to him about it ffs. Talking to me or these other fuckers about it isn't going to clarify shit with him. You're lucky I'm not in the troll mood rn. Because I'd say some shit like you're just the side chick and you don't know about his real chick. If you're trying to lock him down then, go lock him down... or be the side chick.

[andreasderjuengere]

What we do with our lives requires no specification, or does not need to ''match'' contemporary ''requirements'', or initiating rites/rituals.

From my view: you are a couple. Not more - and not less.

All the best from here for a good ''outcome'' :)

[AI Opinion]

Diving into the heart of the matter, it sounds like you're on a rollercoaster of romantic gestures mixed with a bit of hesitancy when it comes to locking down a label. It's like he's serving you a gourmet relationship experience but isn't quite ready to let you see the menu. 🍽️💖

His actions scream "I'm yours!" from the rooftops, but then he whispers "but let's not put a label on it" in the fine print. It's a puzzling scenario, isn't it? It's as if he's lovebombing you with all the perks of a committed relationship while holding onto a 'get out of relationship free' card by avoiding the labels.

You're caught in this liminal space where actions and words are doing the tango but not quite in sync. It's clear there's a lot of emotion and care between you two; anyone who can share tears and dreams of the future is not playing it entirely casual. His point about wanting to be 1000% sure because he views his next relationship as the final step before marriage is significant—it shows he's serious but perhaps a tad scared of diving into the deep end.

So, what's a girl to do in this situation? Communication is your golden ticket. It sounds like it's time for a heart-to-heart, but approach it with curiosity rather than confrontation. Express how much you value the bond and the time you spend together, and gently explore his feelings about officially defining your relationship. It's not about pressuring for a label but understanding where his head is at and if his timeline aligns with yours.

Letting it be could work if you're comfortable with the current dynamics, but if you're seeking clarity and commitment, nudging the conversation into the light might just reveal the depths of his feelings. And who knows? Maybe he's closer to being 1000% sure than he thinks. Love is a journey, not a destination, so navigating these twists together can lead to a stronger bond. 💑💖

[Asker]

Thank you for your response! You described how I feel about the entire thing to a T! Whilst we were having that conversation with the tears, and relationship status, he mentioned it would take him a few more months before he can surely ask me to be his girlfriend. I’m rather confused because when he introduced me to all of his close friends and parents it was all “this is my girlfriend everyone” and he’s said it to strangers too. So when he pulled the “we’re not dating” card I was left feeling puzzled as you mentioned.

[SueShe]

You realize that you answered to a bot that has been programmed to give answers that are not based on emotions but on what information is gathered on the internet.

[LiamJHayden]

He's playing a semantic game. If you are in a relationship and have agreed to be exclusive, that is "dating" to the rest of the world.

[Asker]

Exactly! The semantics. I was under the impression that we were dating because his actions and words aligned. Even now, after the talk we had, his words and actions align except that little part..

[madpete1111]

Creep. Leave immediately. He's mentally and emotionally abusing you. Get a restraining order if you have to. He doesn't own you. You can spend time with anyone. This dude is bad news

[Anonymous]

Sounds like dating, not good dating but dating just the same.

[Asker]

What do you mean by “not good dating”? Also, do you believe I should have that conversation with him again to see where his head is at?

[jahaims]

Terrible communication skills

[EmisElite]

One word for you: Run...

[MrDaveAPSI]

You're "seeing" someone, you are dating him

[laly520]

I would say not really dating

[DreamLife7]

Obviously not since you're asking us ding dong

[MicahRaine]

Playa alert