Am I doing something wrong if it takes him a while to ‘finish’?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy recently and its being going well!

we’ve slept together a few times and he has mentioned a few times that it takes him a while to finish, the first few times I didn't think much of it as it was our first time sleeping together and we were both a bit drunk so i didn't expect it to be fireworks.

however since we have slept together a few more times, this happens every time, he takes a while to finish and we have to have a few breaks inbetween, i keep asking if there's anything i can do differently but he says i’m doing everything right.

A few times he had made a comment that i ‘make him work for it’ and i’m not sure what he means by that? I myself take a while to get there but told him that and i finish before he does sometimes.

Am i doing something wrong, is he not that attracted to me, or is it normal for some guys to last a while

[SteveSmith1985]

You're not doing anything wrong. It does take some guys longer. This reminds me of what used to happen to me, when I was on an antidepressant. For years. It was usually fine, but sometimes was for sure a pain in the ass.

Even if its not medication, this is nothing to worry about.

It is NOT because he isn't attracted to you.

It is NOT because he isn't enjoying himself.

Thinking either of those things, is what can turn this from an inconvenience into an actual problem. It is what it is. But thinking it means something about his attraction to you; or how much he likes sex with you... is a mistake. It's a mistake that can cause you actual problems, if you can't get over seeing it as having something to do with you. It really doesn't.

Just be glad it's too long instead of too short. This isn't the worst problem to have. Unless you take it to mean something it doesn't.

(I have no idea why he said the making him work for it thing. That sounds like dumb meaningless sex talk. The equivalent of "yea, you like that" it means nothing really. My favorite was a girl on here whose boyfriend called her "a superstar" during sex. Don't read anything into this. He wasn't complaining)

🙂

[ohsheeT]

It's good to be A marathon guy, but at the same time, he has to be able to read your eyes, your face, your color your cheeks, the way you're breathing the way you move.

And it is a good thing to make him work for it but and the same time He has to know what he's doing at all moments. Because he needs to know exactly when you're going to finish, so he can take you there and have that timing just right to take you again 2 seconds after. But if he's just making emotions that's not gonna get it. He needs To make the motions in many different ways and as he's building you up he has to have a plan to make you have the best orgasm ever

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Did he mention this BEFORE the first time you and him were together? Because if he did, that means it's got nothing to do with you. Maybe it's something about him physically or mentally, that makes him slower to finish than most guys.

Or maybe he's into some kinda weird stuff, and he either doesn't want to tell you about it until he's been with you a few more times, or doesn't want to tell you about it at all because he doesn't want to scare you off.

But anyway, it probably has nothing to do with you.

[Asker]

He mentioned this during sex

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Not to be gross about this or anything, but like... mentioned it when he was already in you?

Did he not mention it until you had started wondering when he was going to finish?

[Asker]

It was after he had be in me and while I was going down on him….. we then stopped cos he said it wasn't gonna happen for him and he was a bit drunk/had to many beers but he only had 2/3 pints while we were out

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

From your post it sounds like he's pretty happy to be messing around with you. So this is probably nothing you're doing.

He might have a low tolerance for alcohol.

You're in your early thirties? How old is he? It might be age-related.

[Asker]

He’s early 30’s as well, 31 this year

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Does he SEEM to be enjoying himself? Like does he seem upset or annoyed that he's not finishing quicker?

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

You can chat me if you feel like it. Just a thought. Might be easier.

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

I think I'm following you.

I tried to message you but I can't for some reason.

[Stevepro68]

No way to be 100% certain. But if you guys don't live together and he's a little heavy handed flogging the dolphin let's say... Then it gets a little desensitized add in some protection and it can be an issue. It could also be he trying so hard to put it off so that you enjoy it, there can be a refractory problem where you went to far and hard to complete. Lastly there are certain psych meds that can keep guys from finishing. Just a few options that have nothing to do with you.

[LiamJHayden]

Could just "be." I have always been someone who takes a long time and I've had to reassure a few ladies in the past that it was just that way for me.

[StevenMcGarrett]

It sounds like it is on him. Nothing to do with you. It sounds like he has had this problem with previous girls.

[LiamS95]

I doubt you're doing anything wrong he mag just be feeling the pressure to please you or is not very sensitive cockwise.

[Fireguy17]

no, just get him closer with foreplay.