If he doesn’t respond in 18 hours, is it a 🚩?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been on and off twice before and he’s now reached out to mend things and wants to see me again. Apparently has changed in the last 9-10 months. He wants to prove to me etc. Before, he at one point did start taking like 18 hours to reply back. Basically a whole day.

I never did him wrong and in fact was so into him it was crazy. I gave him bad head (mouth dryer than you can imagine out of nerves and anxiety, I couldn’t even think properly from nerves) and he ghosted me. Then told his friends at work about it and then everyone knew about it all. (We used to work together when this all happened) It became a very twisted and sick thing what people were saying. I did try so hard to get to know him. He also hung out with a girl that was meant to be my friend after everything happened and it drove me sick with jealousy.

Anyway, now we’re back here at square one after 3 years and he’s wanting to try again etc.

Updates

1 y

Guys, convince me to not see him on Saturday for a hike/walk that he’s planned for us to do🙃

[SteveSmith1985]

You are actually an idiot if you see him this Saturday. This is some unhealthy shit right here. The whole thing.

The 18 hours is not the issue here. It's literally everything else that's an issue.

So this guy you're unhealthily into... he ghosts you.

He tells people at work about it (I have never ever heard of this asshole move on top of a ghosting)

He hung out with your friend and you're sick with jelousy.

Then this conversation you posted, I assume is recent. In it he says:

-I didn't do anything wrong. YOU did.

-I didn't ghost you. I was busy.

What is wrong with you girl? Why are you even thinking about this. This guy is fucking terrible. Beyond that, he's terrible for you, specifically. Because your attachment to him is unhealthy as hell.

It does not follow from this background, and especially this text conversation, that you should want to see this guy. The fact that you do, shows how unhealthy the attachment is.
This is so clearly going to end badly, you are choosing to be willfully blind. You need to turn your brain back on. This is not how things are ever supposed to go. You should want nothing to do with this guy.

You are walking willingly into nothing but bullshit, if you see this guy. It's objectively a dumb idea. There are so many clear signs here that this is a bad idea. Everything you wrote and posted is a sign that this is a bad idea.

Don't. If you do, it'll go nowhere good. That's a guarantee. There's no chance. You will get hurt.

This is so obvious is genuinely frustrating.

[Asker]

I do agree… it’s hard for me this time with him messaging a whole thing about how he’s changed and wants to prove it to me ect… I suppose because I was so into him before and everything that happened so long ago, it’s just hard for me to see him badly which is why I’m here asking 😭🥲

[Asker]

Also, him telling me he still has the shells he collected for me a year ago… asked if I wanted them still

[Asker]

This was also a text from him “Well I thought at the time that I was getting ridiculed for things a simply couldn’t help. The constant negative energy and slander towards me felt like I should step away. I thought at that time that you weren’t able to understand why I was so busy and yes it’s a simple message but if I’m in a meeting or with a client I can’t simply message. Sometimes it was my bad though ofc I’m not just saying it was you. Which made me think that I would never be enough”

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't think this guy is going to change. He's still trying to justify ghosting you before. You were into him in an unhealthy way. You're judgement is being clouded by your feelings. You need to see him badly. He can't even acknowledge ghosting you. Nobody can change unless they acknowledge what they've done wrong. This guy hasn't even gotten to that step.

Play this out in your head. How do you see things going? Realistically. Do you really think this is going to work out?

You seem like a nice girl. Don't go for guys who aren't going to treat you well. This guy is not going to treat you well. He proved it in his past actions towards you. Ghosting someone is cowardly, and (I"m sure I don't need to tell you) extremely hurtful. It's an asshole move. He can't even apologize.

[Shiprex]

Why are you wanting US to convince you to not go? Just say it's not happening any more UNLESS you are prepared to accept this kind of treatment. If things have potential you must inform him of the expectation of how situations should go for you to be confident he's not disrespecting you.

[SueShe]

From what I understand of your text, you fornicated with him but he did not appreciate it. Is that correct?

Why do you guys (I mean you and this fellow) only communicate by texting? Is that a thing nowadays that people don't go out and talk with each other on a face-to-face basis but only in binary codes?

Some people are bad at answering right away. I don't do it either because I don't believe in texting. Anyone wanting to talk with me will have to do it in person and not by text because I refuse to become a robot.

Yes, it is a red flag but not him alone. Both of you are red flags for failing to communicate properly.

[Asker]

Yea I did.
We dont work together anymore and this text conversation was from this morning while we were both at work. First time I’ve heard from him since like December and I was overseas for many months.
Texting is also sometimes easier when you have odd work hours that don’t match and you both do activities after work etc

[SueShe]

Guys tend to be bad at texting because they don't see as an important thing. Their minds work differently from those of women that want instant answers to their texts.

[Nikki1989]

Holy christ on a cracker, this generation is effing doomed.

[Danny_dan92]

I’d say yeah