Can nervous behaviour worsen around a crush?

[Anonymous]

Can they become more reserved around the person every time they come across them for no apparent reason, and even non verbal?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. That is one of the classic signs of a crush that is nearly always present to some degree if someone has a crush. So yes.

[Asker]

Ok thanks, what causes the person to get "worse" seemingly overnight

[SteveSmith1985]

That could be just the natural course of things (it could be the begining of the crush, or simply the crush getting stronger literally overnight. Which can certainly happen).

My guess would be that she might have gotten something or other in her own head that made her feel even more self conscious and nervous than before. ("he must think I'm... blah blah blah")

But if you give me the details of your situation, I can probably give you a better answer rather than speaking about general behavior of someone with a crush.

So how do you know her? Is she a friend? How long have you known her? Has she always seemed nervous around you? Are you interested in her? And anything else you think might be relevant.

[Asker]

I don't really know her, I just know her from somewhere we both frequent, but she's a confident person with other people, can talk to anyone, but with me. It's one worded answers, and stuff like that. And this is when she's serving me as a customer. But I always catch her looking at me, and it's multiple times (up to 4, or 5 times) I don't try to have any conversations with her. I'm just pleasant to her, (goodnight, see you later, happy new year etc) but I've noticed that now she seems to be non verbal around me. But is still always looking, and her friends point me out and draw her attention to me

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea, that does sound like she has a crush on you. Is she someone you might be interested in? or were you just wondering why she was acting that way?

[Asker]

Also I forgot to mention, there has been times where she's able to interact with me no problem, and then it's back to square one the next time I interact with her

[Asker]

Yes I'm quite interested in her, but I suffer from anxiety and I get paranoid. I'm not really sure how to explain it

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok that last part doesn't fit with the rest

[SteveSmith1985]

Sorry, not the anxiety, but the part about how she's ok around you some of the time. That is not in-line with the behavior of someone with a crush

[SteveSmith1985]

That is making me question my whole take on this situation. If someone is nervous because they have a crush... they are not ok some of the time. They're going to be nervous all the time, or get increasingly comfortable. Not a back and forth. That's weird

[Asker]

Ok, what would that be?

[SteveSmith1985]

How do you tip? She's a server right? I was a server for a long time too. How much are you spending, and how much are you leaving her?

[Asker]

No, it's not like that, it's in a cinema, I just get a cup of water for my anxiety. It's free

[Asker]

I'm from the UK

[SteveSmith1985]

Can you elaborate a bit on how she's ok, then back to square one the next time? Does she warm up to you over the course of your visit? Or is it some visits she's fine, other visits she's nervous? Is there any pattern to the behavior (nervous vs fine)?

I don't know what the back and forth is about. That is not behavior that makes sense to me right away. It's not what people usually do. I am not sure what her reasons might be. But lets see if we can't figure it out (maybe we can't't we'll see).

[Asker]

On these "confident days" she's able to Initiate even a "hi" to me which is very rare for her to do that, but then the next night it's back to being this reserved way again it seems to take a while before she can initiate with me again, sorry I wasn't clear. But I also heard her saying to one of her friends "I'm building up the courage to ask him" but I don't know if that was about me. Or not, it just looks as if she has to build up the courage to even act normally around me

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok, so she's not really "fine" on her "Confident days" she's just able to say hi, and be somewhat normal?

If that's the case, I'm less worried about the back and forth thing. It could indeed be her having a crush and being slightly better prepared/equipped to not seem as nervous on some occasions vs. others.

It depends on how much difference there is between her "confident days" and the rest of the time. If it's not a big difference, then don't worry about the back and forth part too much.

If you're interested in her, I think you're going to have to make the move man. I have no idea whether the "working up the courage to ask him" thing was in reference to you. I wouldn't assume that it was (although it certainly could be).

This girl is obviously very shy (at least with you). So I think it would be a mistake to wait and hope she works up courage to ask you out. She could just as easily have been talking about someone else.

I would look at it as something that isn't likely to go anywhere without you giving it a push. I can't guarantee you that she has a crush on you. But that's certainly what it sounds like when looking overall at everything you've mentioned. You should really ask her out. Otherwise this could go on indefinitely (well until one of you finds someone else).

[Asker]

Ok thanks

[SteveSmith1985]

Good luck man!

[Anonymous]

Adults using the childish C word?

[Abbycado]

Yep.