Dating deal breaker?

[crazy_butterfly]

When you are interested in someone in a romantic way, what are your red flags that make you back out?

[SueShe]

If I was into dating or even looking for a partner, he should have a number of qualities. To me, the most important things about a person, regardless whether this person is to date, to talk to or just to be with are:

- Character
- Intellect
- Personality
- Charisma
- Responsible
- Humor
- Caring
- Open mind
- Being respectful of others, animals and nature
- Not selfish
- Altruism
- Honesty
- Humble
- Generosity
- Simplicity
- Kindness
- Smart
- Empathy
- Positive attitude
- Assertiveness
- Body hygiene

That about summarizes what I seek in another person. I know that will be difficult, but I can still hope, no?

What I am not interested the least are looks, cult of the personality, physique, height, weight and for those that are so worried about that small detail, the size of their penile appendage. That is totally not relevant to me.

Now, a deal breaker would obviously be if that person would not have one or more of those qualities.

[Simslover92]

Number 1 is arrogance or narcissistic tendencies.

[ohsheeT]

About the only thing would be if she started talking about people. Making her self look good or trying

[serious]

Not just one, for me there are plenty of deal breakers and red flags

[crazy_butterfly]

Like what?

[serious]

I will tell you

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

Okay, so I have always been single and so I am never going to date. However, I will answer your question hypothetically. I have standards both in terms of physical looks and personality wise. For me both are equally important. Given how I am, my thought process I have more dealbreakers as compared what I can accept. Yes, even in the dating phase this will apply. Here is the list of dealbreakers:

1. From the physical aspect if the woman does not appear tidy, does not take care of herself like dress, hairstyle etc.

2. Long hair. Any type of long hair. As a man I only find women with super short Boy cut./Buzz cut hairstyle as attractive and appealing.

3. Toned physique. Cannot accept if a woman does not care about her weight and takes no effort to maintain a toned body.

Now from the Personality aspect:

1. If the woman has a nature or mindset to play manipulative mind games of any sort. For eg playing hard to get, using the jealousy card etc, being a drama queen. I am very clear about this, I will never tolerate such things and such people will be out of my life also. There will be no forgiveness and no second chances given either.

2. I am asexual and I only give importance to pure and non-sexual forms of love and romance. Pure and non-sexual form of love and romance is the only form of love I can give so the woman has to be okay with it otherwise if she wants any sexual aspects involved then she can look for someone else.

3. If the woman has self destructive bad habits like drinking, smoking etc.

These are some of the most important dealbreakers as far as dating is concerned. My standards are strict and I won't tolerate any type of bad behavior and mind games so the margin of error for the woman will be very less because I am very strict as a person.

Yes, this answers your question.

[crazy_butterfly]

As an asexual why does the aperence matter? the tidy part I understand it reflects a behavior based on rotine but the other 2 I don't. Can you explain? If you don't fell comfortable forget I asked.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

No it’s fine. I will explain.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

Well, you asked me that if I am asexual so then why appearance matters to me? Right?

The answer is simple. You should know that men are visual creatures so the beauty/gorgeousness and appearance of a woman does matter to a man. However, how much importance a man gives to the physical beauty aspect can be subjective. I am sure there will be some exceptions who don't care a woman's looks of physical beauty and I am not talking about exceptions.

That being said, yes I am a very visual person and so I give a good amount of importance to physical beauty of a woman and I have already explained that in the above messages. The reason why I give importance to this is because if the woman is drop dead gorgeous and has ticked all my checklist as per my standards only then I will be able to show my pure and non-sexual form of love towards the woman.

Yes even if my love is pure and non-sexual in every way but even to show that the woman has to drop dead gorgeous and she should have a wonderful personality as well. Just because I am asexual it does not mean that I would ignore the physical attraction part completely. No it does not work like that for me.

cont...

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

I don't know what you understand about being Asexual but just because a person is asexual it does not mean they are not capable of love and romance. Love and romance can be non-sexual also. Coming to me, I find sex and all forms of sexual activity as outright disgusting. I have no such needs or desire and it will always be like that.

As I explained above for me love and romance will always be pure and entirely non-sexual. For me love and romance are utmost important. For me sex means a man is using a woman's body, like an exploitation of some sort and it does not matter even if the woman's consent is there but my thought process and core thinking does not change and what is disgusting will always be disgusting to me.

Whereas on the other hand pure and non-sexual form of love and romance would be like the man actually respecting the woman's body.

cont...

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

For me non-sexual form of love and romance to a woman would be like this:

1. Kisses on forehead.

2. Kisses on top of head.

3. Holding the woman's head and caressing the back of the head ( behind the skull there is a soft part)

4. Kisses on the temple region.

5. Kisses on cheeks.

6. Kisses on chin.

7. Kisses on jawline.

8. Kisses on wrist and palms.

9. Non-sexual form of hugs.

10. Cuddles but will be strictly non-sexual,

Yes so this will be my pure non-sexual form of love and this is what I am capable of giving. The only form of physical love I can give.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

All this being said, my version of love and romance is highly "CONDITIONAL". By that I mean the woman has to be the best there is and only if she meets both my physical and personality standards and has to be at her best and stay away from any potential bad behaviour which I won't tolerate.

That is why the word "conditional" is in caps.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

Did you understand all my explanations or is too much for you to grasp?

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

You are a very curious woman and I always apprecite genuine curiosity and never mind it. I am my answer would have satisfied your curiosity and its fine if you are still curious and have more questions regarding any aspect then you should ask me again.

Curiosity is always better than assuming things and being disinterested. However, I would suggest you to PM me and ask if you have any further questions.

Never apologise for being curious.

[crazy_butterfly]

Thank you for your explanation, I had a bit of knowledge on being asexual but I always like to learn more about different perspectives and opinions.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

That's good.

[serious]

@crazy_butterfly

"I had a bit of knowledge on being asexual but I always like to learn more about different perspectives and opinions."

This shows you are open minded as well. Very good

[serious]

Thanks for the MHO

[Abbycado]

Could be lots of things, bad personality, manners, hygiene, etc etc

[In_Trance]

Friends with her ex (es)
Her friends are guys
Follows politics
Believes in a conventional religion
Wants to be friends first

[crazy_butterfly]

The friends are guys, do you mean all of the friends are guys or has friends who are guys?

[In_Trance]

Do you mean acquaintances that are guys or guys that she actually hangs out with?

[crazy_butterfly]

Guys that she hangs out and has been friends with for a good time

[In_Trance]

Pass

[crazy_butterfly]

Why?

[Staximus]

Current or former hard drug addict, needs a babysitter when drinking, on psych meds, is a liar

[Anonymous]

Friends with members of the opposite sex.

[crazy_butterfly]

If you don't mind me asking. Why?

[Opinion Owner]

Women use guy "friends" as contingency plans... a fall back.

[Anonymous]

If she's passive/submissive.