Boyfriend lost confidence?

[JuliaR97]

Updates

11 mo

My boyfriend likes to play as a bit of a tough guy, and honestly I like it when he does that! Long story short, I was at a Brazilian jiu jitsu tournament he was taking part in, and he couldn't stand a chance against his (few) opponents. The last one really dominated him while also sometimes smiling and throwing glances at me. Well, back that evening he confessed that he felt completely humiliated, and since then even in the bedroom he hasn't been the same. What can I do to help him?

Updates

11 mo

What can I do to help him regain confidence, especially in the bedroom? 🙈

[SueShe]

So, what is the question here? This is more of a statement.

What could be the reason for your boyfriend having lost his confidence. What kind of confidence are we referring to here?

Is he no longer confident that you are the right partner for him? Did he lose confidence over a lost job? Is his confidence shattered because of health issues?

So many possibilities here. I suggest you rephrase your question or update it by means of the "update" box and tailor it in such a way that we can answer this statement and give you some advice if possible.

[SueShe]

Oops. I just saw your update the second I sent my answer.

Feeling humiliated by a defeat is nothing new or nothing that is alarming. There will be plenty of future defeats for you or your boyfriend and he has to learn to accept them. Defeats are part of growing stronger.

What you can do to help is to be supportive wherever you can and not to mock him or make fun of him. That would only put his self-esteem down and make things worse.

[JuliaR97]

Thanks, I have updated it!

[SueShe]

I cannot really give you advice about the bedroom issue because I don't practice that kind of activity. I think his macho behavior took a serious beating and now he thinks that you may see him as a loser or perhaps even leave him because of that.

You can only be supportive and make him feel desired and tell him that his defeat does not change the way you see or perceive him.

[Abbycado]

He’s got major issues if he gets this upset at losing at a sport.

[JuliaR97]

I think the point is that he feels bad about getting "dominated" so easily in front of me. He is always playing the macho guy, and to just be so powerless kind of hurt him I think. And I do admit that I did think/kinda hope he could have won or put up some more resistance

[Abbycado]

All you can do is be supportive.

[SamWinchester058]

Does he have any good guy friends he can talk to? Most guys don't want to be Mommy'd by their girl after they take a hit to their ego. This isn't a dig at you. Looking weak in front of your girl and then having her feel like she needs to make you feel better makes it worse. Support him by sitting with him. Tell him if he needs to talk, you are there. Encourage him to get back to the gym but don't make it obvious. Talk therapy isn't always the best medicine for men. We process differently.

[SamWinchester058]

As far as the bedroom goes, maintain your normal activities. Don't act differently. If you do, he will notice and will probably think it has to do with his loss. Enjoy!

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

This sounds like a roleplay fetish scenario...

[PeachyPie93]

This doesn't sound believable at all lol

[In_Trance]

Yea ok