Why do so many women work in care roles for the vulnerable but avoid dating vulnerable men? Where’s the compassion when it’s personal?

[Anonymous]

Men are certainly more open to dating vulnerable or disabled women

[alli-112]

Women don't avoid dating vulnerable men. They avoid dating people who don't take responsibility for their emotions, dump it all on their partner, and have no idea what the difference is.

I've been with a guy a bit like this: he always talked about how he felt and never had any room for how I was feeling unless it was in line with what he thought it should be. I didn't have a problem with holding space for him and encouraging him to share his experiences, I had a problem with the fact that he was never even aware that he wasn't returning it. The guy literally expected me to congratulate him for actively listening when I was talking about my day one time, because I'd genuinely had to have a conversation with him about not playing devil's advocate when I'm talking about personal trauma/problems/experiences. The whole thing was exhausting and it was entirely overlaid by him telling me how he felt like people wouldn't accept his vulnerability because he was a man. The projection was hardcore.

As for disability, I've not personally seen any trends in terms of men vs women being willing or unwilling to date disabled individuals.

[DishLady]

Care roles start and end at a given time and are paid positions. Generally speaking, a woman who does that for a living doesn’t want to do that in her down time. She wants a guy who will take care of her bc she has feelings and needs too and has to tend to herself.


Now when you’re saying “vulnerable men” that could mean anything from emotionally fragile to physically in need of assistance… The rest of the answer depends which of these you mean.

[The-Stud]

Women avoid poor men for women expect financial stability from her man.
Women avoid 'vulnerable' men for women expect emotional stability from her man. Men do not avoid poor or/and vulnerable women because financial and emotional stability providing capacity is not amongst the things men usually expect from women.

[DannyUk2017]

Is because is one of the fewer jobs that they can get their hands on pretty quick... No one has time to "chase" dream job when Bills are knocking on their door...🤷‍♂️

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

My mom was a nurse for many years. She then had to come home and be a nurse for my father who had a litany of health issues, especially after he had multiple strokes.

She can attest to it, but doing nursing all day and then coming home to do it more, even when you love the person is exhausting to say the least. You get no time off for yourself. That's why some don't want to care for another vulnerable person.

[Asker]

I’m not even talking about that kind of disability. More people with autism or Down syndrome. It’s like “sure ill help you, as long as i get paid for it”

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It's not any different. It's still caring for someone who may need extra help, and that's taxing. They don't owe anyone that effort just because they are in that kind of field. Would you expect your plumber neighbor to be at your beck and call to fix your plumbing every time you had an issue and didn't offer to pay him?

[Anonymous]

a lot of those women do it for the paycheck or easy access to pills.

My heart goes out to the women that have a really good hearts and do those jobs because they're going to be overworked picking up the slack for the others.

[Chocolatetwopointtwo]

bc they alr see it sm in work why do it every other time too?