First date coming up, what do I wear?

[anonanonauanon]

Haven't been on a date in a couple of years, really nervous for this one. I've fluctuated from 80lbs-105lbs for a couple of years (currently 83lbs) and I'm 5'7.5'', I almost exclusively wear oversized clothing in public because people get weird about my appearance if I wear anything tighter, but that's probably not super appropriate for a restaurant, let alone a first date. I'm really nervous that they'll think I look weird and things get complicated between us and I'm not sure what to do about it. The restaurant we're meeting at isn't too fancy but it is a little bit, I've been before with family and I don't think a jacket and sweats would slide, would probably get some weird looks. I've still got a day to get my shit together but I want to make a good impression, what should I do?

[Screenwriter]

Dearest Anonanon:

You do realize that at 83 pounds you are severely underweight at nearly 5'8" tall. It sounds like you are anorexic. Even at 105 lbs you are still in the severely underweight category.

Are you in therapy and under medical supervision for this issue?

I don't think you're going to be able to camouflage the fact that you are incredibly thin from your date. Have you spoken to him about your physical appearance so he knows what to expect?

If you haven't, you are going to shock him no matter what you wear. But I'd suggest a shirt dress that is belted at the hips and hits you mid-calf. Something in a cotton or cotton-linen blend. This is loose and blousy and gives you some volume.

I'd wear some kind of tights that match the color of the dress to give you a pulled-together look. Wear your hair loose around your face to give an appearance of fullness. Wear flat shoes, as you don't need additional height, even if the guy is over 6 feet tall.

The shoes could be a fresh color that compliment the dress since it is summer: a lovely light green, or tan, or brown. White would work with a white shirt dress.

I wish you the best of luck on your date. Wear simple makeup. Lipstick and mascara are all you need. If you like eyeliner, use it. But at your age, you don't need much.

But, Anon, you need to be in a program that addresses your weight issue. Maybe you've been ill. But the fact that you say you've been this weight for years seems to indicate you've been struggling with this. Give your date a heads up. Honesty is best.

And enjoy having some company and conversation. Kisses to you

[dustybiker2]

@Screenwriter fyi Telling someone they are underweight is just as damaging as telling a girl she is fat.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

the dustybiker2 is painfully right

[Screenwriter]

@dustybiker2 I am seriously concerned about this young woman. I checked out the BMI for her height and she is in a danger zone. Being this far underweight is a health hazard. This is from the Mayo Clinic.

Anorexia can cause changes in the brain due to very poor nutrition, also called malnutrition. This is when people don't get the nutrients that their bodies need to stay healthy. So it's not a choice to continue the risky and damaging behavior.

"If left untreated, weight loss can get to a point where people with anorexia are at high risk of serious physical harm or death. Anorexia has the second-highest death rate of any mental illness, surpassed only by opioid overdoses. Most deaths related to anorexia stem from heart conditions and suicide.

Anorexia, like other eating disorders, can take over people's lives and be very hard to overcome. Because it's related to changes in the brain, anorexia behaviors are not choices, and the illness is not really about food or looking a certain way. With proven treatment, people with anorexia can return to a healthy weight, develop more-balanced eating habits, and reverse some of anorexia's serious medical and mental health complications."

When I read her height and she said her weight was 83 pounds, I knew something was off. A woman this tall should weigh about 135 lbs. She weighs 52 pounds below that normal weight.

In fact, at 5'8" models weigh about 125 lbs and they are slim. This woman weighs what a child of 11 years of age and 4'6" inches tall should weigh.

This is serious stuff. And I'm not sorry I've brought this up. This is not to hurt this young woman, but to get her to proper care.

[Screenwriter]

In addition, from her question, she is clear that her appearance shocks some people. Why would it unless she looks painfully underweight. She makes it clear that she cannot wear tight clothing. Again, why? Because it shows how thin she is.

This is not about insulting someone. This is about discovering if she is getting help and encouraging her to get some. I also offered advice about what to wear. But she needs to be honest with her date about her appearance if he has no idea. If she has, good on her. Then she has nothing to be nervous about and the two of them may have a good time.

But, I am hoping she is in a program that addresses her needs.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Screenwriter
... But Asker already knows all that, she knows exactly about it because she lives in her body, she notices how people look at her. She's not a kid. She does not need to be reminded things heard 12.000 times.

Because it is unsolicited, it is beyond the point of the question. And most of all it hurts.

I believe that was the point made by dustybiker2, and if it wasn't, then it is mine lol

[dustybiker2]

@Maybe_Maybe_not 👍🏻

[samael_kmarty]

Hey don't skinny shame her, it's hard for some people to gain weight
I was 39 kgs at 5"8 till 2022
🥹 It took 2 years to gain 20 kgs
Currently sitting around 59 Kg.
And she w

[Screenwriter]

@Maybe_Maybe_not She is very young, 21. And, as you have read from my Mayo Clinic info I included, her physical situation may have caused brain changes in her that preclude her realizing her situation en toto. She may be in denial about it for precisely the reason she is IN this situation.

My commentary INCLUDED suggestions on what she could wear. I could not ignore the fact that she included her weight, which, in my opinion was a solicitation for comment in that area too.

And before I included ANY comment on that I looked up her BMI and weight and ALL the facts I included in this comment.

Do YOU know how many times she's heard anything about her weight? Do you know her personally and know her situation?

Once I had a clinical depression. I had an infant son at the time. I couldn't eat. I could barely get up in the morning to go to work. I stopped eating. Lost weight. Finally, I told my close friend I wanted to kill myself. She told me, Ann, that's not normal. You need to see somebody. And the next day I weant to see someone.

I had a husband living with me who could see I was depressed and did nothing to help me. Maybe the people around her are ignoring her. Or maybe she has no one close to her.

There is nothing that you KNOW about this woman. What I know is that ASKING about something that seems obvious and not ignoring it is healthier than being polite.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Screenwriter
She's very young, and you're very old, that still doesn't make her a kid.
She is not in denial as she is clearly noticing that people get weird about her appearance.
She didn't ask you for facts that are common knowledge anyway.
I don't need to know her to figure out that her weight makes her very noticeable 24/7.

You lived a similar situation, so you want to help, fine, I'm still telling you that I find your approach upside-down, now it's even getting mixed up with your own story. You're asking her if she is medically supervised, while simultaneously lecturing her about what YOU think she has to realize.

[anonanonauanon]

i used to have that but i dont anymore, that happened a few years back and im good now. i have POTS so my medical stuff is usually related to that diagnosis and not my weight, its just something people comment on a lot (my sister still sends me articles about it haha) and i didn't want to make things awkward. thanks for the concern but it's been 6 years since it happened and that stuff is behind me, i'm fine now

[Screenwriter]

@Maybe_Maybe_not She says she did have anorexia, but now she's fine. And how could you possibly know if she is in denial? And anorexia if a mental health illness that creates physical illness. People don't just get over it. It is a lifelong struggle.

The facts I looked up on the Mayo Clinic site were new to me concerning brain changes that occur FROM anorexia.

I am not mixing up my story with hers. I am talking about being in denial that you have a problem. My issue and hers are completely different. The similarity is ONLY about denial and was why I cited it.

One thing about being older is that you have life experience and you might have run across people with similar issues who were ignoring their actual problems. The postural issue (POTS) she cites is not related to extreme low weight, and does not cause extreme low weight.

She also says her sister sends her information on anorexia that she ignores because she says she's "fine" and "that's over with."

There's nothing else I can say or offer. I wish her good luck

[DishLady]

Sexy-cute but not OVER THE TOP revealing….

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Depends how you look at life. You're 21. I could fancy going bold.

Bold as choosing to override what you perceive as the dress code from this restaurant, you pay for food, you don't pay to be told what you should wear. So, to hell with what's supposedly appropriate? Go for clothes YOU want to wear, according to what you feel psychologically comfy with.

Bold as choosing to override what you assume this guy is going to expect, clothing wise. Again, there is this possibility to go for what you feel okay with, above any other considerations. Since you're going oversize in daily life, then you can choose to manifest this daily truth.

Good luck 🍀

[HighValue]

Don't wear anything revealing, but wearing something tighter that shows how skinny and wimpy you look would be good in my opinion since I think that is highly attractive.

[samael_kmarty]

Be calm and men tbh nevermind clothes, or how u dress, they will love someone in a hoody more then in one piece.

If u want to impress someone then wear something red, black or blue.