What do I do after a first date?

[anonanonauanon]

Sounds a little ridiculous I know, I haven't dated seriously since high school and even then, things always felt awkward after we went out on dates. I've got one in a few hours from now and I'm not really sure what you're meant to do when they're over, do you just leave? text right after? the next day? invite them to stay the night? is it different if it's the first date?

I live with a roommate at the moment, it'd probably kill the mood if he's anywhere but his own room when we come back wouldn't it? That, and I have a big thing against people coming over or staying the night at my place, I had a stalker try to break into my apartment a few years back and the idea freaks me out, but obviously I can't just dump that on my date? Is that something they'd be expecting from me?

might be overthinking things, i just want it to go well. I don't know if I want things to go too far on the first date anyways, I've not really been in the mood for anything past first base in a while to be honest but what if that makes them not want to meet again? someone tell me what to do I don't want to look stupid

[Anonymous]

The most important thing is to just be yourself. When the date is ending, you'll know if you had a good time, and if you'd like to see them again. If you do, you can say something simple like, "I had a great time tonight, I'd love to do this again." If the feeling is mutual, you might exchange a quick hug, a peck on the cheek, or even a kiss if the moment feels right, but don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with. It's completely okay to not want to go past first base or to invite someone over on a first date—many people prefer to take things slow. It's also totally normal to be hesitant about bringing people home, and you don't need to share your personal reasons for that with a new date.

[Effably]

You just focus on having fun. A bit of nerves is good, no doubt mutual too.

Dating isn't a big thing here so my advice might miss the mark a tiny bit but my experience is simply that you need to communicate how you felt about the date and going forward sometime soon-ish after it.

If you're not comfortable with anything beyond having a date, that is fine. A first date is just an extended vibe-check. Have fun, then be clear afterwards on if you did and if you want to go on another one.

[DishLady]

You’re 21 and don’t “remember” what to do after a first date?


You need to call whoever your dorm mom was to ask her…


No, no texting the boy or bringing him home for the night. What kind of gal does that? 1…2…3… oooooh! 😳😳😳


You thank the guy and suggest he call/text you to meet again soon. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

[anonanonauanon]

it's been a while haha, i was like 16 last time i was dating someone and im pretty sure i did that wrong too

[DishLady]

"Wrong"? I don't get it, kid.

If a guy asks you out it's bc he WANTS to be out with you. What could you possibly have done to mess that up?

[anonanonauanon]

I don't know, my relationships don't tend to last very long and I never really know if I'm going too fast or too slow, my older sister had a much 'faster' relationship with her now husband but I was pretty young when they got together so I didn't really see how she made that work. I don't know, I overthink this stuff a lot and then it just ends up being awkward

[DishLady]

Ok ok, well to be fair, RELATIONSHIPS are very different from FIRST DATES! I'm hardly imagining that a young gal like you can seriously mess up a first date (unless you're "too easy" and so are not getting second dates...).

You should ASK your sister. Sometimes a thing that looks "fast" to an outsider isn't as fast as you think.

FOR EXAMPLE: My hubby asked me to marry him after we'd gone out for only two weeks. I asked him why and he very frankly told me he knew that I was the sort of gal a guy marries before getting into her pants. (You have to see the way I stared at him when he said it just like that. Idiot...) ANYWAY, that seems really fast, yes? Now take in the BACK STORY, which is that we'd known one another for about five years (college and then an alum gap year for him and a grad school year for me). He was the jock and I was the tutor. We were all into each other's business for the entirety of college. I knew he was dating someone at the time and he knew I considered college a "books only" sanctuary (meaning I was a scholarship kid with no time to waste on distractions... and MY GOD he would have been a MAJOR fucking distraction). So he never said anything about the apparently massive crush he had on me, but he was talking about me to his mom that whole time (she told me once she finally met me... the week of our engagement). The engagement lasted a year just so we could be sure of our feelings, etc. The marriage dissolved after 10 years bc he couldn't keep his d in his pants and be faithful.

[DishLady]

I'll tell you this... EVEN THAT was too fast for me. Knowing myself now I should have taken more time and gone WAY WAY WAY slower than I did (though most folks would agree that a 5-year dragged out crush followed by a 1-year engagement can't be considered "fast").

Why am I telling you all this? Only YOU can tell what feels "too fast" to you. There's the logical "too fast" (like don't sleep with the guy right away or he won't respect you) and then there's the sense that something FEELS LIKE it's the right time.

Ok?