Is it best to not date or see other people when you know your long time friend likes/is in love with you?

[Anonymous]

This may be unpopular and people may disagree and that’s fine. Just hear me out. If you know or knew that your long time friend likes you or in love with you or just finding out they are hot for you, DO NOT DATE OTHER MEN OR WOMEN! You’re just leading them on and keep breaking their hearts! If you’re meeting someone knowing that your guy friend or female friend likes you or in LOVE, then you’re going to break their hearts! Don’t chase or date other people if you I know it because to put it bluntly, you’re a selfish jerk! Give them a chance! If you like them back.

Updates

10 mo

I have a friend that keeps thinking about her guy friend and she can’t get him out of her head. I told her, “I hate to tell you this but…. it sounds like you’re having feelings for him! And you said it will NEVER happen. Plus he’s really improving himself. You don’t find that attractive? Plus he’s being more approachable of impressing you.” She’s worried about how he would feel if she ends up meeting someone else and hurting him.” I told her she should think about what she wants.

[ohsheeT]

I agree with you to a point. . But you have to understand. Guys. There are to many guys out there that you will be friends with. They tell you. They love you. And they. Do... but that's where things get messed up. Because they will go out with other girls. . And they think every thing is fine they will drop that girl and go out with two ir three others. There living life they think.. but all of a sudden you find out. And your waiting for him .. and he's doing any girl he can meanwhile... but if you start seeing some guy then he freaks... and now there's a problem.. he doesn't like that. In his head he told you he loves you... and your Supposed to wait until he gets it all out of his system...

Well that's wrong. For the girl to sit back and wait. He either make a choice. Or not.

This is the time where the girl gets to see who he truly is. But just because he tells you something. .. doesn't matter. If he is seeing other people.

[Asker]

You know what? You make an excellent point. Maybe he loves her as a friends. I may be wrong. But still she should not be dating other guys when she knows her guy friend likes her. It’s wrong especially when she likes him back.

[ohsheeT]

But she needs to tell him. And then he needs to be honest with her... and not lead her on or make her believe something else...

If he tells her one thing but he's out messing around. That's not right, either. Because if he's doingbit now. Andcshe allows him to do it. Most guys will do the same thing if they were to get married. No, I agree with you if he's not seeing other girls. .. but if he is. Then it's not right or fair. To her.. and if he does like her, he has no respect if he dating others

[Asker]

Yeah. If she’s going to date other men, she needs to tell him first. Cut the cord. She doesn’t just get to go and date other men. I told her, “You said you’re beginning to develop feelings for him but you’re out trying to flirt or trying to see another man and that’s not fair to him. You need to tell him.”
She got defensive and said it’s not my job to tell her what to do and she’s not going to stay single because of her guy friend and that’s not fair to her but I cut her off and told her she isn’t being fair to her guy friend and she should date other guys until she tells him first. She told me to piss off and she’s a grown woman.

[ohsheeT]

Well, I guess we are the lucky ones, and we are not in that boat. And let's hope we never have to go through that. If you love someone, tell them. So, at least they know. If you don't say anything, they might not ever know, and life goes on. But with a broken heart..

[HusamRocks]

They should talk and become clean regarding this matter since it's gonna be an obstacle for one of them of moving on with their life 👍🏻

[Asker]

Exactly. She shouldn’t be dating anyone else when she knows he likes her.

[HusamRocks]

She is free to do what she wants to do 👍🏻

[Anonymous]

If my friend likes me but I don’t like them back then guess what? We can’t be friends, simple as that. Your mindset is super messy and toxic, because why should your friend stay single if she isn’t mutually interested in her friend? So his feelings won’t get hurt? It sounds more like he needs to walk away or vice versa because it’s no longer a friendship.

[Asker]

How am I toxic

[Asker]

I’m not toxic! Plus we don’t even text or call everyday

[Opinion Owner]

How is it not toxic to say that your friend should stay single because her friend has a crush? You’re implying that she’s stringing him along, as if they’re romantically involved or dating? This is not normal precautions you take for an average friend. In fact your friends are supposed to be happy for you when you find a candidate.

[Opinion Owner]

Per your update, if your friend has developed mutual feelings for her guy friend, that’s another story. If they have engaged with eachother romantically or tried dating in the past then that’s more of a situationship if anything. But if they are meant to be platonic friends, then it’s super toxic for you to say she should stay single on his behalf. Like no. If they like each other they should get serious and if not then he should walk away since she will never return his feelings of attraction. If he knows that she doesn’t like him back, it’s his own fault to keep being her friend. Because he is choosing to stick around and cross his fingers that maybe one day she’ll have a change of heart rather than accepting she doesn’t want him.

[Asker]

I didn’t say that to her. I just told her that if she dated another guy she will break her guy friend heart

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not talking about what you said to her, I’m talking about this question and how nonsensical it is. You cannot explain to me how your logic makes sense when these are supposed to be two platonic friends.

[Opinion Owner]

And why would you tell her that? She’s not responsible for his feelings when she’s already made it clear she doesn’t want him. Should she worry more about his feelings than her own happiness? Why are you trying so hard to push her into his arms anyway? Your own morality?

[Asker]

Okay okay you’re right. She shouldn't have to stay single or not see other guys just because her guy friend likes her. But what I am saying is that if she keeps going after other guys and she KNEW he likes her, she’s a bitch

[Opinion Owner]

Even if she knows that he likes her, why does it make her a bitch for dating other men? She doesn’t like him back, she isn’t stringing him along or making him think that she likes him when she doesn’t. So why don’t you call him a bitch? For knowing that she doesn’t like him yet ignoring that fact do continue to chase her? If goi ask me that’s stupid as fuck of HIM. Hanging on to someone who doesn’t want him is foolish but sure, let’s keep pointing the finger at your friend.

[Opinion Owner]

**to continue to chase her

[Asker]

Well because he doesn’t. I know he doesn’t call her everyday or so but I can tell he likes her.

[Opinion Owner]

“You can tell”, well is he telling her that he likes her? Or are this all assumptions?

[Asker]

He LIKES HER.

[Opinion Owner]

He told you and her that?

[Opinion Owner]

Because if he didn’t exclusively tell her then that makes it even more ridiculous that you think she should respect him or try not to hurt him when she doesn’t even know how he feels.

[DishLady]

If you're not into them then there's no reason you should not try to date someone else.

If your friend means anything to you then you SHOULD have a talk to prepare them that you're going to be seeing people.