Advice for a Non-Virgin guy that had only one partner but still wants to find a reasonably marriageable woman (similar body count, at least)?

[CoffeeNut]

Updates

9 mo

I get that the fewer partners the woman has, the better the odds of a successful marriage, and virginity is the ideal. But, here's the thing: I'm not a virgin, and that's eating at me knowing I could easily have that used against me. I want to find a gal worth marrying once I get my A&P license, but at the same time it feels like my options may be slim, especially at my age. Any pointers?

[slatyb]

Forget about body count. If that's important to you, then you are going to have a difficult time finding a partner. To meet someone, find activities where there are a number of single women. I'm currently taking a community college French class and there are 20 women, almost all single, and only 3 men, so you might look at continuing education classes. If you have any artistic interest, those classes will also be almost entirely women -- drawing, painting, pottery, whatever. But if you get involved in any group, don't immediately start asking the women for dates. Give it a few months for them to get to know you. If you contribute to the group and are generally kind to everyone, you won't have to ask them out -- they will be asking you.

[CoffeeNut]

I guess that might help. Trade School is predominantly male though, so the art route might fare a bit better.

[slatyb]

Yes, but make sure it's something that interests you. You might also consider dance meetups -- there are a few in every city of any size. But if you do that, definitely don't hit on the women for a good while, and volunteer for anything you can do. If you immediately start asking for dates, you will not be popular.

[RedInnocent69]

Bit old to have that as a reasonable standard. Church maybe?

[CoffeeNut]

Well, sure. I am already undergoing the process of joining one, but there aren't any singles I could talk to about that. You know how it goes: church women worth a darn tend to marry before you can ask them out. That kind of sucks. Also, maybe it is harder to accomplish at my age, but if my only options are bad ones for the long haul, I'd rather I just be single and not bother with women. I am not going to add to the problem caused by hookup culture.

[Anonymous]

Try going to your church. You are very lucky because you can find many women with this mentality and unfortunately for them, there is not many men with your mentality! There are people within certain cultures that acustom to have better morals and values. Like Indian people, some Latin people, some Asians. I would investigate further if I were you though.

[CoffeeNut]

Now that you mention it, there is a trend where the more secular guys just assume the women are just the "floozy" type that give it up if they're attracted to someone, which then makes some women feel like they have to give it up when that would only hurt them in the end. You might be onto something!

[LazerBean]

Your chances are pretty slim if you are religious, and basically non-existent if you are not religious. But if you are religious and attend church then it's not impossible. I would say you're safest bet is to find a nice church with lots of people your age, and just try to make friends. That is probably the best starting point

[Abbycado]

Don’t really know if there is a trick. I have one partner and that’s the current one.

[CoffeeNut]

You might be right.

[Abbycado]

Flat out asking? That’s the only way to know before you commit.

Problem there is the girl, who may only have a partner or two, will be offended and you’re done.

[CoffeeNut]

True. There is still going to be some level of tact required to keep things going. I guess I'm just going to have to take a gamble.

[Abbycado]

Okie dokies

[Nikki1989]

Stop being so inscure, immature, and petty. Most of us can sense that from a mile away.

[CoffeeNut]

So, it's insecure, petty, and immature to care about something lasting and not getting screwed over in divorce?

[CoffeeNut]

Wait, you referring to the self-doubts?

[Anonymous]

At least you had one partner, I never had a girlfriend, and I'm a virgin...

[CoffeeNut]

Hold on to that virginity while you have it. Losing it is not all it is cracked up to be. Trust me. I know.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, thanks for the advice, it's not like I have a choice.

[CoffeeNut]

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't really have much luck with the opposite sex beyond high school. Sure, I had a girlfriend twice, but the rest of the time from sixth through twelfth grades I was either too oblivious (often until it was too late), too quick on the draw, fumbling the ball hard, or just got flat out rejected. After that, I became largely invisible. I get it. Finding love in this current climate sucks. I am completely with you there, minus the part about losing virginity. I wasn't even planning on that with one of my exes, it just sort of happened while my guard was down. If I could do it all over again, I would have been a lot more careful to not end up in that situation, especially since in hindsight it resulted in a child that got aborted before I even knew what an abortion was. I still regret that.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand, thanks for the support.