Any general advice (dos and don'ts) for a 31 year old virgin with no dating experience?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 31 year old virgin who dedicated my last 13 years to my career. I surpassed my monetary life goals but now I'm a complete idiot at pretty much everything else especially self-confidence and social interactions.

I'm lost, and I don't know how and where to start my journey of getting into a relationship.

Should I try online dating? Hit on my employees? Take up new hobbies? Try new sports?

[Slartybartfast]

A sensitive guy like you isn't going to do well dating. It's unappealing to women to be gentil and caring as well.

Look at the guys who did well dating. First looks matter more to women then men , they are all about style and appearance.
Second, you have to be agressive, timid men aren't going to get a date.

Third, you care to much. You probably think to much, that's why uncaring and frankly unintelligent men do better dating.

Don't think, channel your inner selfish brute and don't worry about offending her, harrasing her or anoying her, the bad boys she dates aren't going to stop, they approach anyway it's a numbers game.

Remember the misogynistic player asked out twenty women while you were concerned with how she might be inconvenienced or annoyed by asking her if you want to get a cup of coffee.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

id echo suggestion 2 socialize more with people round u. just make an effort even with complete strangers. ask cashier at store how her day is doing. talk to people when waiting in line. talk 2 ur colleagues more. hang out. throw a party at ur place and invite people. b4 u know it u might get in convo with girl showing interest and u can ask her out 2 dinner

[Asker]

I've seen your other posts and you're pretty cool. Thanks for your advice here and on the other threads, they made a pretty big impact on me even though I'm so many years older. Never too old to learn from the youngsters :)

[BungusHighFivePizza]

high five

[Selene1600000]

Do not hit on your employees that creates power imbalance and can backfire badly. Start by building a social life through hobbies, classes, or groups, and use online dating as a supplement to get practice talking and going on dates. Focus on small steps conversations, confidence, and consistency because dating is a skill you can learn, not something you missed forever.

[zagor]

Start by putting yourself in more social situations so you get comfortable with basic interactions before you proceed to dating. Maybe meetup groups for people who share an interest or something, though covid has reduced those sharply.

[Asker]

Oh... all these years I had misunderstood the common advice of 'get yourself outside' to mean 'go out more, it'll increase your chances of meeting someone' and I was like, what is the possibility of meeting your soulmate in a hobby group?

Thank you for spelling it out in black and white for me. Now this makes perfect sense when you link that up with 'to get yourself comfortable with basic interactions', a skill which I frankly do not possess.

I'll put in more effort to stop procrastinating and just step out of the house. Thank you so much!

[zagor]

Actually I've met a lot of people in meetups. Not hobby groups so much as hiking, camping, skiing groups, where you are actually out in another environment. I used to go on ski weekends where sometimes I didn't know any of them beforehand; after skiing together, or hanging out in the hot tub afterwards, you developed a camaraderie.

[Massageman]

Maybe volunteer at a local ________________________ (fill in the event/soup kitchen/building repair after a storm/etc. and hopefully you will find some compassionate people who are focused on helping others and not just themselves.

[Alejandro21]

I would sugget taking up a new hobby, or if you are already interested in something, go for it see if there is a community for that hobby and join in, try to be more proactive, and remember your happines is first, if you don't feel accepted and that could happen, been there, and you already give it a good try, then search somewhere else

[cookiecrusher]

Start going to your local churches, find one with younger people, a more modern.

Even if an atheist. Just get comfortable talking to women and people in general, while sober.

Maybe get a good woman there, many are virgins there too.

Also a good place is a climbing/bouldering gym. Tons of people to talk to, not all single though.

Just get used to people and women and relationships. Don't just jump into dating or online dating.

[UdontNeedtoknow]

Be careful. Dont get married since the gold diggers will sink there teeth into you faster then you would ever know. Just go get a escort and get it over with. You will save time, money, and heart ace in the long run. women who are not married past 24 or 25 are usually heartless.

[Crankor]

Online dating is not good for most people in general. You need to watch peoples reactions to what you say and do. Being social with workmates is a good start id say

[007kingifrit]

the only way to improve social skills is to try (and fail) again and again until you stop failing

[Anonymous]

There is specialty counseling for guys in your position.

[Twalli]

Don't hit on your employees

[Asker]

Oh, I honestly thought it'd be a good idea as I stay cooped for 8hrs/day in the office with my employees and would know their personalities much better than a random date whom I'd interactive with maybe 3 hours a week or less.

Evidently i need more social awareness, so I'll go Google up this topic. Thanks!

[Twalli]

Don't date inside an office. If you're their superior then their wise and fall I the company could depend on the relationship. Also if it sours you still have to see thrm every day.

[Jamie05rhs]

Do NOT hit on your employees!

[Anonymous]

Cases like this make me mad

[Asker]

I get it totally, this guy is like a helpless big baby who needs others to teach him how to walk.

But hey I'm working to change, so I'd appreciate constructive feedback please.

[Opinion Owner]

The reason why cases like this make me mad, is because it's a reminder that they feel they are male-dominated

[Asker]

Hm. Are you referring to the act of initiating a relationship, or the assumption that 'being a 31 year old virgin' is a stereotypical male-dominated trait?

[Opinion Owner]

The latter of what you said is what I'm talking about

[In_Trance]

Get help

[Asker]

Um. Psychiatrist help or motivational speaker?

[In_Trance]

Psych

[Asker]

Thanks, but that sounds pretty severe!
I'll keep your suggestion in mind and see if others share the same opinion.