I'm 30 and still a virgin. I’m really nervous to date because people might think that my lack of experience is weird. Any advice?

Question

I feel ashamed that I haven't had a girlfriend until now. And I wouldn't want to pay for sex either. I would like to enjoy the trip, meet someone, fall in love, talk about how our day was and feel pure love.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't agree with lying about it, because I wouldn't want to be lied to or have something like that kept from me if I'm getting serious with someone. Sex matters to me, and I would have to consider if a potential husband was coming in with no experience. But it's not just about experience - though I'm also not so insecure that I feel threatened by someone's experience and crave someone who has none. It's also about relationship skills and attitudes about sex - I might wonder if he's too conservative for me, views women in a light that I find unacceptable, etc. But I'm willing to learn about him more and about why he's a virgin before pulling the plug. I was a late bloomer too and I'm still learning things myself.

I think it's very possible that you will get rejected a few times because of this, unless you're trying to date super young women or a religious women. But it's not the end of the world. Some women don't have this as a deal breaker, especially if you're bringing a lot of other things to the table. If, for example, over all these years, you've worked on your emotional maturity, empathy, self-awareness, people skills, vulnerability, etc. and you know how to talk to people, have some confidence - then you're going to be way ahead of some guys who just happened to have sex, in terms of finding a quality relationship. I'd say try to keep in mind that everyone has insecurities in relationships. Maybe wait until 2 dates in, after you have been connecting, talking, enjoying each other's company, to bring this up. And depending on her reaction, you can decide if you want to be more open about why you're a virgin. I don't know, I like openness and vulnerability in a man - you stand out automatically from a lot of men if you can offer that in a relationship. And that can answer questions she may have in her head about why.

You can still be a catch and lack experience. Lead with your strengths and show her why you'd be a great boyfriend. So let's start there - what do you think your strengths are? What makes you attractive and a great potential boyfriend/husband? Focus on that. Unless you want to hook up to lose the v card, you can't do anything about it. Don't obsess over what you haven't done - your life isn't over yet. Celebrate the cool, awesome things about you - personality traits, experiences youve had, interesting things about you, fun things about you, etc. Nurture a confidence around that and also learn not to define yourself too much by how any one woman views you. There are so many people out there, all different who want different shit. If one doesn't like that you're a virgin, thats no reason to be ashamed - thats just not her cup of tea. doesn't make her a bad person and doesn't make you unworthy of love or affection. You just aren't a match. Some things aren't good or bad, they just are.

Also, it may be a good idea to get a therapist (everyone should have one in my opinion) and/or journal and reflect on why you are a virgin. Is there a fear stemming from something deeper? Fear of intimacy is real. I ultimately did just hookup to get the nerves out of the way, ease that anxiety, and just have a new experience. I don't regret it at all, because I was a grown woman at that point. I didn't feel like my first time with a guy had to be super special. (I had already been with women though, so I didn't consider myself a virgin really. My first sexual experience was with a good friend.) Just be mindful of the fear of intimacy you might have. Focusing too much on gaining sexual experience could feed into running away from something subconsciously.

I think you'll be fine. Like most of us, the one may not be the first woman you date, but you'll keep learning things as you go along. Be kind to yourself and others, accept this trait about yourself and choose what you want to do about it. You can definitely still fall in love, and this doesn't define you. Bon Voyage!

Gracie28 · Accepted Answer

I know someone that's in my life that's going through this exact same situation, they turned 30 last year and haven't been in a real relationship. They were in a long distance relationship once but they never slept together and didn't see each other often to actually call it relationship honestly. They don't even know how to kiss aswel as being a virgin and they don't know how they're going to explain their situation to their future significant other. They don't know what to do and they're alitte ashamed of themself, they haven't met anyone like them before. They always thought that they were weird because they wanted to wait and not have casual sex with a stranger. My friend just wants to find someone special to be with, they just want that one person. But in this society it's not that common to still be a virgin at this age but for whatever they are. Honestly if you have to wait just wait, 50% to wait and it's worth it then so be it. There's nothing wrong with you you're just looking for something more sincere, or meaningful and there's nothing wrong with that.

scott04sa22 · Accepted Answer

Your gonna come across some or more bad apples until you find the right person to date. Now everybody's different but here's what you can do.

1. DON'T DATE single mothers because no matter what the circumstance she's stills getting benefits from her children's father. Its very hard to find single mother who ain't seeing their fathers at all and permanent. also more the babies she has the more chances all of her kids has all different fathers like someone with 5 kids with all 5 different mother in laws!! ouch! >.<

2. There's always chances that someone from lgbtq plus is gonna steal your girl and make her join their ranks and wife her up. lesbians are more commonly steal peoples partners. Sometimes bi woman will take her too then this is very rarely bi men or bi men couples looking for a bitch to spice their sex lives up! From any points once she's gone she gone for good!! Trust me!!

3. This happens sometimes but rare but there's women out there that size really really matters to her and she gonna ask to put your cock on her hand and then measure it then determine if your cock qualifies her qualifications or not. If she rejects you from your tool then she'll ghost you then leave ya for good. From the beginning if a girl asks for your cock ask her if size do matter then wait for her answer. If she says yes then move on. If she said no then double check and listen to her tone to find out if she's lying or not if she moody then let her go! Because those girls will never be happy and satisfied. I always tell girls after them being rude me.

Me: if size matters to ya then that means your not satisfied with the human races at all!! Because if size matters to ya then you might as well go Chase a black stallion 🐴 or a big blue whale 🐳. Because the Big blue whales have the biggest size out of everybody out on this Covid earth!! Their size is 8 feet!! Good luck!! 😂

4. Always stay true to yourself 100% no matter what!!

5. also Rejections always makes you stronger!! Period!!

Good luck!! 👍👍

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

------------------You will be fine as long as you are not wearing a sign that says, "I am a virgin and inexperienced and I feel bad about it." People who are not virgins still get nervous when dating someone new. My advice always is, "Act as if." Act as if this shit doesn't bother you and own who you are and where you are in your life. If it doesn't bother you then guess what? It probably won't bother them either.

"Nobody dies a virgin, life FUCKS us all."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

I don't think it's a bad thing at all. If it were me, I'd personally prefer someone inexperienced over someone who had been with multiple women. I have never understood the negative stigma about men being virgins, myself.

I'm sure the right woman will not care, and if you being a virgin is a deal-breaker, she wasn't the right one for you.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Inexperience is an asset for a lot of marriage minded people because it means innocence and appreciation and non comparison

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What you want won't happen unless you start dating. If it feels awkward to begin dating at age 30, how do you think it will feel if you wait until age 40? 50?

Seinna · Answer

Here's my take on this - unfortunately there might be women who will look down on it. And it might not even mean that they're shitty people, it might be their instantaneous response. I definitely wouldn't pay for sex because... eventually when you get into a relationship you'll tell your girlfriend about it and trust me it's sounds more lame if you admit to going to prostitute to lose virginity at 30.

What I would do if I were you -
1) Don't let it bother you, if you don't feel confidence over it then pretend you do and you will.
2) Treat it like a good thing, men need to respect themselves as well. Even if that's not your reason, just say that it is.
2) Say (and perhaps trick yourself into thinking) that you haven't done it yet because you didn't want to. For religious reasons for example. There are a lot more say Christian virgin men than you can imagine.
4) When a girl really likes you, she won't care either way. Truth is everyone likes something else and you don't need to be "experienced" with a lot of women, you need to build experience with the one you're with and want to please.

Interstate · Answer

Society's stance on sex is overrated. If they think it is too weird of you to be 30 and inexperienced, walk away peacefully and move on with life. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at age 30. Don't give a sh** what society thinks or says. Don't feel guilty for not being involved. Everything you said in your summary is TOP NOTCH STELLAR, and I commend you greatly for it! There are people out there who are destined for relationships and marriage, and people who are not. So if you turn out to be one of them in the long run as I am... there are other things in life that will fill that void. Just keep living life, do your thing and the right people will be there. Maybe one of them IS your future. If not, just keep living!

JackSmy · Answer

Today, that is TOTALLY OK!! Don't rush into it, and make a mistake, like getting someone pregnant, or getting a disease!!!
It's totally OK, to take your time, and find the RIGHT one, OK?
Porn, and online sex, and the LIES your friends tell you, about how many times they have, yeah, MOST OF THAT IS JUST BULLSHIT!!
Be YOU, be comfortable, and don't be ashamed, or feel bad, in ANY WAY!!
Times are different, and being 30, and a virgin, is not a big deal, OK?
If anyone judges you, or thinks something about that, it is them, and their FALSE ideas, and the things they screwed up, in their life, and they are only mocking, because they made so many mistakes, and you are what they maybe thought they SHOULD BE!!

USMC-Crossroads · Answer

Tell the truth. That's it. When dates progress into the phase of discussing past relationships, be straight up. I never lie to women. Not only do girls really appreciate it, you will respect yourself, and have a much easier time relaxing around them. Hen you lie to a girl, it's the same as saying that you are so scared of her, that you will dishonor yourself instantly. Don't do that to your soul, and give the woman your with some credit, as she probably won't act like she's in high school. Show her she can trust you, by trusting in her. She will be so thrilled at your being forthright, that your lack of experience will be small news. Plus, it'll indicate to her that you don't have any sick fetishes, that you're not just looking for a pussy to fuck, and (above all) that you are different from all the assholes she has had to put up with. Don't worry - keep the faith.

tatianamay · Answer

Some girls dig it. Personally, I'd go for a guy who's inexperienced than a guy who's been with multiple women. Some girls may even find it cute. Don't worry, you're good.

by the way before i receive all the hate, im not 14, im 16(i put the wrong year i was born in and im not able to change it back)

Alyssa11 · Answer

I think there’s plenty of women who are also close to your age and also virgins. And a lot of women might also prefer to be with a virgin than a player. The best you can do for yourself is seek a high value woman; a woman who is looking for respect and loyalty, and not just sex. These kinds of women won’t care. Some might even prefer it.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

No advice here, just reality and this is how it is : by being a virgin will make a relationship better, it can get better if the other person is inexperience too, that will help you both to discover and it's such a delight experience. On the second hand ! There is those whom have been having sex for 10+ years and still bad it, so experienced or not is not what matters, it is how you do it and of course with who you are doing it. It wouldn't help you by me telling you to relax, go have fun, find your ups and downs, no one can last long in their first times, not even the first 10 times. Enjoy and explore, ask your partner, you both can learn and teach each other. Fail to succeed

yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo · Answer

I've got you brother man, here is what to do...

Just start dating. Once you find somebody you like and she asks personal questions like that, don't be offended by how she responds, but just be honest with her. Some women would be flattered that of all these years, they would be the one you lose your virginity to. They would also be impressed by how pure you would come off like that.

But ask what she likes in bed, be patient, take it slow, and share the experience with her.

If you wanted to wait til you got married, good for you!!

Ignore pornography brother man, they're just actors, your experience with her is going to be way more intimate.

Also, some women, if you tell them you're a virgin, would probably do some dirty whit with you for your first time, so buckle up buddy, you might be in for a ride! Lol.

Great question, and I hope all goes well man!

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I was in similar position. I was a 35yr old virgin, never even had a kiss. It was an albatross around my neck.
Ultimately, you just need to be open and honest with people, let yourself be vulnerable with them. A decent person won't judge you, if someone does they aren't the right person for you so move on, its their issue, not yours.
I was fortunate to have been introduced to someone through friends. We'd gotten close but i wasn't ready to talk to her. Was only after talking to a shrink i found the courage to be honest with her after we had reconnected. She was my first for pretty much everything. Ultimately it didn't last long for various reasons.
Soon after i tried speed dating& online dating, it's a long slog and you'll be ignored & ghosted but you will find people. I met someone online, we dated for couple of months, then i met my OH. We've been together nearly 3 years, have 2 kids.
Things can change very quickly, bit you have to work hard for it

Sarahr123 · Answer

Well I’m 23, virgin and proud. I kept it up by choice but then no boy will marry me if I am tainted so actually I will get a high price and value for having an intact hymen. All my friends actually want virgin men to marry because they’re also virgins. I personally don’t care but would prefer a virgin because will be each others first and that makes it extra special.

rounddablock · Answer

At this point you really need to select your social circle carefully. Do you believe in God? Church would be the best bet if you do. But if not I would recommend getting dating counseling.

There is nothing wrong with you by the way. In a way I respect you. I lost mine young and too the wrong girl. It was rushed and drama filled. It was a mistake. I did it out of insecurity to be considered more “masculine/popular.” vs. being in love and wanting to do it.

Also don’t listen to these women give you all these feel good lies. They mean well but virtually every women I’ve met outside of a faith based organization is hypocritical about this. The exception if she is a virgin too.

Wintergrace · Answer

My boyfriend and I were adult virgins. This wouldn’t be a turn off for me because I’d rather have someone with less experience and learn about ourselves together or even just have less risk of STDs. You’ll find the right person. Just make yourself more available.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

They don’t need to know you are a virgin.

Lack of experience is not really an issue tbh.

ignore all the bollox you hear on here about how stunning guys are.

everyone is different.

to get someone, you need to be out socialising, learning to interact with girls.

you need to get out and mingle

Anonymous · Answer

To quote the movie " The 40 year old virgin". " You know what your problem is you're putting the p***you on a pedestal".
You need to trick your brain pretend to yourself that you've slept with a dozen women. And live that person a until it becomes reality. Don't tell them you're a virgin either! I don't care how understanding she seems. You'll turn women off with that s***. It's not that it matters that you're a virgin. But to a woman that's like saying no OTHER woman ever wanted you. So she'll be thinking why should I. That's not sexy and it will chase women off.
Good luck man!

Anonymous · Answer

As long as you do not go for women who are obviously very into casual sex (if they go for being physical very quickly for example), then I don't think you have to worry so much.
When dating it is definitely ok to get to know each other well before considering having sex. You do not need to tell about your lack of experience at first either. Just say you do not have so much if it comes up.

Rei02 · Answer

I feel in the same situation, I am 35 and even though I have been in love, I am also somehow inexperienced. I am still virgin and I have only dated two guys in my life without reaching homerun with them.

pink_and_inlove · Answer

There’s nothing wrong with that I think it’s a good thing because with my boyfriend I felt bad that he had slept with other women before me it wasn’t the case for me though he was my first. So that’s good because your future girl won’t have to feel bad about you having slept with other women. I wish that I could’ve been my boyfriend’s first as well

Moimaris · Answer

I rather have a virgin boyfriend than a guy who has sleept with multiple women, Be genuine and someone who is genuine too will come along the way. If a woman rejects you she is not worth it.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Just don’t tell her her breasts feel like bags of sand 😊

Vikkrram · Answer

I am now 23... and still now... i haven't had a girlfriend in my life. And here are my friends who have been in many relationships. From my starting days i have been super shy... i can't even dare to look at girl... whom i like...
So ending up doing nothing... and always loosing girl in which i am interested...

So i always had a pain in my heart that i wish i could have tell my feelings or at least i can chat with them. I can understand your feelings man..

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Seriously... wtf? You do know women don't feel like you do right? Sure they'll say they will... but that's all for show. If they get with you they just use you for shit. Like you know how many chicks I boink that are using some dude for money, but they use me so they can actually get dicked down right. I say buy a few hookers and wake up to reality... you sound like you've been watching disney or cable television for too long.

John_Doesnt · Answer

There's more important things in life than getting laid. If a woman doesn't like you because you have no experience, but you've got a good, stable career, then dump the bitch and move on to a more mature woman who understands how the world works.
But of course, if you have no ambitions and are unemployed then that's a whole other issue.

kidvid80 · Answer

i am 33 and a virgin, kinda is what it is i have my reasons as to why. never be ashamed, you are who you are. someone who genuinely likes you will not ever hold that against you and probably be impressed with your look on love.

JuliaStyles · Answer

So whose business is it that you are a virgin? I guess if you are going for a hook up your inexperience might show but just remember, everyone had a first time so don't sweat it.

owkward · Answer

It is important that you give yourself the opportunity to explore the dating scene. There is nothing wrong with being a virhin infact some people appreciate that. Everyone has a first time and eventually it will happen so when/if the time comes you will experience it and then learn from that experience.
The fear of not knowing Only keeps you from exactly that, not knowing.

key_statistics · Answer

Well, learn about sex and females. I am a virgin as well but no girlfriend of mine cared about it. Why? Because I know how to pleasure women in bed. What you need to learn: Gspot, how to use your tongue, how to strengthen your tongue, foreplay and how to get a woman turned on so much with foreplay, how to build women up to orgasm. When you know how to please a women in bed they will not care about you being a virgin.

Anonymous · Answer

Just think about the date bro not about getting pussy that will come later okay there's no rush your email there's no biological clock per se just go on a date and be like chill don't be a soyboy but don't be an alpha either like taking a best friend to the movies or something okay come on bro go for it you can do it and report back to us when you're done.

hahahmm · Answer

You don't have to mention that. If she's really into you (beyond sex) she won't care. Especially if she's looking for long term.  Oh, and if you're looking for traditional, read my MyTakes.

SphynxUK · Answer

Nothing to be ashamed of.  A potential partner may be shocked to hear it initially, but it wouldn’t bother them.

DeltaCharlieEcho · Answer

You know that adage that “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never lived at all”? That’s complete bullshit. The moment you realize you’re in a bad relationship you start begging to go back to an innocent mindset.

Becoming disenfranchised about women is a wildly depressing experience and sex isn’t worth that.

NoLookingAtSoleil · Answer

If it was a girl I'd say 'awesome' - but they seem to get raised to be devoured by age 12 (and then pretend they never did anything wrong while manipulating men for money and demanding weird behaviour so they can hold you hostage/consider you guilty - and if you don't fall for it - then you get her cold shoulder. Because there is no emotion in women, just sex desires they are bent on fulfilling.

MrCommodore · Answer

Its ok, its never too late. Your lack of experience won't be an issue, but if you are inexperienced at dating, learn the signs of flirting and how to flirt (YouTube).  I too never would pay for sex.

Anon621 · Answer

I'm 23 and also a virgin and also actively practiced celibacy. My recommendation would be to start slow, get some experience, then once you get an idea of what you properly want after some introductory dates find someone based on your criteria

Agape93 · Answer

Don’t be nervous. Just tell them you’re waiting for someone special. They’ll find that cute if anything.

Anonymous · Answer

I am 31 and I only had sex once. If virtual sex counts, I think I have more than a 100+ of experience. Did it worth it? To some extent it did, but is not something I recomend investing your time in. If I did what I did was because of an exceptional situation.

Saph765 · Answer

Some people are super into physically innocent people like you. Just go out there and talk to people and be up front and you’ll find someone.

Qdbrown · Answer

As long as the girl is a virgin too. Some of these hood rats have been with a lot of guys, then later on they want the provider type. Don't be that guy.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

No no no I'd take you v card show you a few things rock your world

Anonymous · Answer

You are husband material. For me it is very special when a man will give her first time to me. I personally prefere virgin men. I would be extremely happy if i find out that he is virgin

nolabels · Answer

You'll forget all about being a virgin when the time comes. Nature will take care of everything.

roy_ricky09 · Answer

Don't worry about what people will think. If you do that, you'll keep on letting yourself down.  It's quite simple, if they make fun of it or think, just move on. There's plenty of fish

blindedd · Answer

that's not weird.
you just haven't had sex, it's not odd and what you're describing is a soul mate. So no, it is not weird. But you're never going to find you're soulmate if you don't put yourself out there.

Silas_153 · Answer

Yes, here's my advice - don't tell anyone, ever. Just forget about it, never even think about it. It doesn't matter, it isn't important, but you can be certain that people will make a big deal out of it and think you're weird if you tell them.

Anonymous · Answer

Strange how we approach this situation depending on the sex of the writer.

I think finding a mature and thoughtful person is what will put your fears to rest. There's a lot of different reasons why people may be in your position. I've been with 30 people and im late 40s. But I've not been with someone for the last 6 years and I'm happy with it. Personally Im not crazy about personal contact.

DaveToo · Answer

You don't need to pay for sex, and there's no shame in not having had sex. You just need to find the right gal, if she has had experience, let her lead you and you'll get the hang of it in no time.

Rok4bakAR · Answer

You need to move to Asia!! Get yourself a girl and build up to a marriage!!
Unless you’re not into Asian girls.

As long as you’re not overly nice..
Nice guy personality won’t get you rejected here.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

I'm just like you except I'm 43. I don't date for similar reasons (I don't like what is on offer) and also because we're on lockdown owing to the pandemic.

TheFlak38 · Answer

I've got exciting news for you: ALL men pay for sex. You won't get it for free. Ever.  But it doesn't matter that much at your age. It's over for you.

Fighter_Pilot · Answer

Be your self dude, she'll probably like you because your inexperienced in this type of thing. Plus, she'll probably take advantage of you and kiss you on the first date. That's when you know she good 👍.

kitty71 · Answer

Dont feel bad being at 30 and still a virgin I lost my V in a casual sex date when I was in my late 40`s.

HawkPerception · Answer

Not an issue at all. Just have confidence in yourself.

exitseven · Answer

why even bring it up? It's nobody's business. Just be yourself and see where it goes.

Avicenna · Answer

It's not going to get easier for you if you hide from this. Some women will be understanding.

ManasaM_34 · Answer

It's not weird as long as you do not announce your virginity status to the people. just be calm and try to Impress your girl.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I only think it's weird if he makes it a personality trait or it's because he's a socially inept person.

Anonymous · Answer

Thanks to the sexual revelation, TV and music industries. Marriage has no value anymore, women today seek out sexual pleasure and getting pickier every day on men’s qualities that have nothing to do with true manhood.

Anonymous · Answer

Cool dude! You realize you don't HAVE to tell anyone you're a virgin, right? My advice is date a ton RIGHT NOW and have sex this summer. Then figure it out. But for chrissakes man get in the FUCKING game! LITERALLY!

I'm 30 and still a virgin. I’m really nervous to date because people might think that my lack of experience is weird. Any advice?

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