I'm almost 22, still a virgin, and never been on a date, is that really bad?

[Guy0nGaG]

People often think of me as a loser because of this, which honestly pisses me off at times.

The reason I don't date is that I have too many flaws. I still live with my parents, I'm not in my desired career yet, I'm very reclusive, and my mental health is a disaster. I feel like dating requires me to really open up to someone about everything, and I'm not ready to do that. I also want to have a stable income on my own, my dream is to be able to support a family with my income and maybe have a housewife (I'm old fashioned).

As for sex, I'm abstaining from it out of respect for my future lover to be. I'm not religious, I just think that's best. My brother often picks on me for being a virgin, I don't see how his criticism holds any weight since his marriage ended when he decided to cheat on his wife with hookers on Facebook and his child support looks like a shopping list. He's so driven by sex but look where it got him.

So all in all, I'm just not ready to fall in love yet.

Not Bad

Bad

[AmandaYVR]

It's not bad, you're not abnormal, people should lay off judging you.

All the guys here so far gave you good advice, and from different angles. I think you're all right. There is no one answer here. Life can take many turns, many paths, and you can plan and work towards goals, but one must also remain nimble and pivot when things don't seem to be going as you planned.
Some people meet others by really consciously looking. Others bump into them by happenstance.

Part of me wants to encourage you not to close the door on possibility (maybe you're not.) And I would not encourage you to go out actively looking for someone. I can understand the whole thing puts just more added pressure on you. You seem like you already have your hands full. As long as you fully realize that just sitting around being passive or waiting is generally not the answer. But it all depends on circumstances. Right now the entire world is in major turmoil with covid. And even when it does eventually clear up, it'll be not months but years most likely. So you have reason to not feel like you have to act with urgency. But the flip side might be that pretty much everyone is at home, or spending tons of time at home now, and guess where they are... online. And there are billions of people, each with their own lives, and problems and struggles, and actually no one is all together and without issues. Remember that. Sometimes the line between "I'm alright" and "What the hell am i doing? I feel like I'm losing my mind" is narrower than one imagines. The amount of change that you feel you need to make is significant, and I applaud you for having the drive and motivation to do so. But never underestimate how the seemingly small things in life can, incrementally, add up to something more. You might go for a walk and find a new path you enjoy. You might find a new recipe, master it, and be proud of having this great meal under your belt, that you can share with others. You might meet a person online and develop a friendship that is filled with respect and mutual appreciation. You might read a book that inspires you, moves you, or makes you see life in a different way. There are all sorts of variables, and possibilities, that can matter. No step is too small, no effort pointless. Lower the negative self-talk and judgement about yourself (I'm not saying you do that; it's others you mention, I know), and reward yourself for your efforts, however small.

Good luck. Christmas is coming. Think about sharing some goodwill, somewhere. It's a nice time of year to be emotionally generous.

[RaveWorthy]

What is bad here is your problems with self-esteem, self-image and mental health issues. You will have allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and open up and be frankly honest to a professional that can help you. I am glad you are not ready to fall in love yet... since you have a lot of issues you need to resolve before you even start to contemplate doing so. Hoping for the best for you!

[PrudentGuy]

Reading your Details I would salute you as an honorable person, with proper ambition in life.

But I want to bring out that the lack of sex (meaning no proper relationship) is a value for mental depression. These two are cyclic, one make the other better or worse.

While love cannot be forced, mental health and self confidence can be improved by being accepted by member of the opposite gender. And sex is the best confident builder.

If you had one, you mental state will be like going up one point. And that will help you get the 2nd one, ...

My Opinion is, examine yourself honestly. Is your mental health a direct factor from sex deprivation? Then decide if you want to continue saving, or losing it. So not let your peers dictate. They don't even pay for your meals.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is an entirely selfish mindset. Sex is an activity that you do with another PERSON. You're not thinking of the woman at all. You're suggesting that he use sex to boost his self-esteem. That's wrong.

[PrudentGuy]

@Jamie05rhs oops... that is entirely not my intention.

But yes my words do missed the point in love and feeling and intimacy.

That I admit.

When ivwrote, mynfocus was entirely on his mental health, which view is something very serious. Hence I missed mentioning the important aspects of sex and relationship.

[Jamie05rhs]

@PrudentGuy Okay. I really respect you for saying that. Thanks for recognizing my point.

And yeah, I do understand what you're saying. And I think it's scientifically accurate. I just think it would be much better to be done within a relationship vs. a one night stand. And I honestly think that most psychological research will back me up on that.

[PrudentGuy]

@Jamie05rhs that would be too much to discuss in a forum like this one.

But I do sincerely hope the Asker able to understand his carnal needs and make a decision that will help him cope with his depression.

As the saying goes, married person are generally happier than singles. I wonder if you agree (no debates please as irs 1am here LOL).

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay, but honestly, bro? Think about this. If you try to substitute sex for mental health treatment, that could just lead to sex addiction. That's why it's generally not advised.

[Jamie05rhs]

But YES, I agree that married people ARE happier!

[Jamie05rhs]

As long as it's not a toxic relationship

[PrudentGuy]

@Jamie05rhs I think I would rest my argument so as not to hijack this thread.

PS: I'm a sexually active guy. Hence those who know me should know my sentiment.

Thanks for bringing up the points I missed. 😉

[Jamie05rhs]

Fair enough. I appreciate the conversation!

[poneglyphs]

no, I'm still a virgin too and about to hit 26 just that shit happens. You can't control everything. I had really bad depression, body dysmorphia, and other bad things when I was in my early twenties. I still live with my parents and still have flaws on my own but I'm working now and trying to change my life.

[Jamie05rhs]

Nah, dude. You're fine.
Try to make some female friends, though, for now.

So what's your current progress on your goals? What's your plan?

[Guy0nGaG]

Right now I work as a medical biller, but I'm saving money to invest. I'm also a polymath and take interests in many things like music, art, language learning, writing, etc.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, wow. You're making the big bucks. You're doing great! You're on the right track. Keep it up! I truly believe that if you stay the course you will accomplish your goals and achieve your dreams.

[moviedude714]

A lot more common than you think

[gecebutnotgecendayaa]

no not bad