Why do women date a select few men and then when they get screwed over say, "where are all the good men" ?

[Chthou95]

[Curmudgeon]

the original post:
https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

[Ask105]

Because its psychology and just embedded some things in them or from programming till now one they don’t know want the want second they think want friction excitement thrill unknown etc dangerous men alter their minds most of the women say that aren’t actually a good fit for good men be your self don't be a pushover choose your woman wisely stand for yourself first learn healthy relationships!! The good woman don't ignore the good men lol but those women are hard to find

[Summeroflove]

Depends on the woman. The truth is the bad boys are more fun in the short term but they can’t find a stable men. Most these women think at some point later in life that they will sucker a good stable man in later in life once they been all used up…. To varying degrees of success but generally they end up divorced later on even for the ones that do.

This is narcissistic women not all women. But there are women too who are good women who have been tricked into thinking a man is someone he’s not. Doesn’t mean she should be bitter with all men so all situations are different.

But there are women out there who just pick bad men. Just like there are men who sleep around with whores and want a virgin woman to marry. People want the best of both worlds… they want their cake and eat it too…. And the people who genuinely have self respect and dignity don’t want someone like that.

[wysiwyg2525]

This go for both men and women.

The reson why this question is asked is because they been screwed in the past.

The reason why thos is happening is one word "SOCIETY".

Society tries to tell you who hang out with, how to dress, who to to be sexually with, who to be friends with, social image, what others think, what job you should have, how much money they make, they care about lables, labeling weather you like guys, girls, or both. You don't need to be apart of the LGBTQ or any community to be you and be happy doing it. Communities force to to be someone your not. They are the problem because they care about lables, and so much more. Society doesn't pay our bills, don’t keep you happy, gives you a relationship nor it helps you grow.

Society started the day you were born. Your parents brought you up not to do things you might enjoy. Who said guys can't like pink! See, the issue is we were apart of society thay tells you you have to like a certain thing or person. Its starts at a young age. Girls are taught that they have to be baby makers with dolls, be a certain body style and color like barbies etc. Boys are suppose to like trucks, and the color blue. Then you have the Society image on who to like. It starts with TV, magazines, billboards, advertisements, social media, and yes the adult xxx movies online. It shows you the sexy woman/man. Big boobs, skinny body and certain facial features to include womanscaping like hairy, some hair, or bald. The p0 urn industry take fault in that for both men & women. For men the got to have a 6 pack, dress a certain way and act a certain way, and manscape. They watch too much p0 urn. It teach men what to want and look for. If you look at the sites now they got all race, all shape of body styles, all looks, the bush is back and it shapes what the man wants now. 90% of the time men/women look for what they watch and see online. This goes for TV shows and movies that we watch. Life as you see it is a fairytale unless you accept who you are without the lables and without looking for where are all the good girls/giys are. Its not lowering your standards it living life, and opening up your eyes to the possibilities that the guy in front of you is not buff nor has the bad boy image, and as for men she is not skinny, big boobs, and dress trashy. We are simple, have a good job, our own place, bills are paid, the car/truck we drive is not a fast or fancy. We dont drive, Mercedes, BMW, lambisn Doge challenger or Mustang, lifted Jeep, Bronco, or truck. It's simple a Kia, Mazda, Toyota, Nissan etc. We dont live in our cars nor we have anything to prove or compensate for. We dont dress in designer clothes. Walmart and second hand stores is just fine. We cook, clean and have great hygiene. We don't go to clubs, bars, or parties. You will find us at the beach, hiking, museums, parks, etc. We dont care about SOCIETY.

If you have to ask the questions where are all the good guys/girls are at then you have to look in the mirror and change what you see. Yes, it is that easy. Stop looking for looks and start looking for personality and how they smile and speak to you when you first meet. Put away you phone when you with them. Now your living life.

Good luck, be safe, and always remember you are that person for that someone. There is someone for everyone. The key is stop looking and they will present themselves. Remember to be open minded and its ok to date some who is not a bad boy six pack guy or skinny girl big boobs. All looks and body types are potential for you.

[Agape93]

Same reason dudes do it to us. If you only have a small sample and you have bad experiences with all of them, it's natural to extrapolate it to the rest of that demographic. Kinda like how rape victims start fearing the touch of the gender that hurt them, or if you get handled by some shitty cops you'll start getting more wary of other cops.

[Chthou95]

Most men are off women's radar so how can you say that it's an even distribution?

[nastyb]

I will tell you the truth...

only the undesirable men such as the old, short, ugly, broke men are "good men" who claim to be loyal.

If he is not ugly, tall, has a nice body, he is likely going to be player or have a crappier personality.

I can confirm this as someone who has been dating around for the past 10 years. Completely verified.

[slatyb]

Why do men all hit on the same few women, then complain that dating is so much easier for women because they can't pull the most attractive 1% of women?

[Chthou95]

They don't though. Men hit on all kinds of women.

[Twalli]

They believe that some good men are those they find physically attractive, when the good men are usually good because that's how they get girls, not looks.

[snake3946]

because she thinks life's a party before they figure out oh well i rip off every good man for a gang banger

[LazerBean]

The same reason men do it

[Chthou95]

How can they that be when women are the selectors?

[DCVsMarvel2]

immature women

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s called venting

[Chthou95]

I call it whining

[BarryLiverstone]

I understand, you are whining about them. But they will vent

[Chthou95]

No i call it expressing myself