Why do some women/men ask their partners not to talk to other people?

Question

My friend told me he’s not allowed to talk to me anymore as per his new girlfriend. I don’t understand? I’m married with one child on the way. I also work with him so I need to talk with him in some capacity but she’s made it clear we can’t chat outside of work. I was actually looking forward to doing things as couples together. Like dinners, events etc. Any advice?

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

She's being very insecure about this to an extent but it's also only possible for men and woman to be friends if one of them is gay. Sooner or later sex always get's in the way and being married rarely stops cheaters from cheating. Its different if she didn't want you two hanging out in private unsupervised that's different you shouldn't be doing that once you're dating but there's nothing wrong with woman having male friends while dating as long as she's not alone with them. If you two were meeting just the two of you to do things like going to get coffee together in my opinion that's basically cheating but if you bring a third wheel or your SO than it's perfectly fine. What it really comes down to is if a man isn't single, he shouldn't be hanging out with other woman alone and a woman shouldn't be hanging out with other men alone either once you're seeing someone. If you're in a supervised environment though where you have a chaperon though that's different.
What his girlfriend wants though is unreasonable especially since you two work together. She's crossing the line from concerned to controlling now and saying he's not even allowed to talk to you is too far. The one way I could even kind of see her side is if you two dated in the past. in my opinion staying friends with your ex is a red flag.

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

Yours is an off case since you’re married and pregnant. She shouldn’t feel threatened

But I understand the general concept of boundaries

People in a relationship need to be each other’s number 1.

My ex used to make me share that privilege with her friends and particularly her “male best friend” which was a total douche.

It tore us apart.

So I don’t mind so much when couples create a certain distance from other pseudo-intimate relationships such as a close 1on1 friendship with the opposite sex

Vevv123 · Accepted Answer

Their partner is insecure and controlling which I believe is the case. Other reason may be that he cheated before, but this is rarely the case to someone having an insecure and controlling personality, people like this are already like this. I’ve been cheated on and I’m not a controlling person. You can give them all your passwords and accounts and do everything they say, be the most loyal person and there are people that will always try to control will feel threatened by anyone because they’re insecure. In my experience, I noticed someone who was the most extremely controlling person, he said that it was for my own good, and many times I did understand because he would explain the reasoning and that’s where my perception changed about some men because he would sometimes explain little details that he knew about them (like them being perverts). I think he knew a lot about men and how they really thought and he would try to protect me from that, so I usually went on with it because I knew it was for a good reason many times. So it can be many reasons.

Agape93 · Accepted Answer

Control. If someone tries to tell you who you can or cannot spend time with, and it doesn't have to do with your or their safety, leave them. Don't let people control you.

Summeroflove · Answer

Control. I know if a woman’s going to cheat on me she’s going to cheat no matter what. If I trust her that little then she’s probably not someone who needs to be in my life.

AviatorTom · Answer

insecurity, and a desire (need?) to be in control of the relationship Both are not healthy in a relationship.

DishLady · Answer

Too controlling. Drop them and save yourself!!!

Miristheiss · Answer

Well, what do you mean by talk?

Are you two hanging out alone, going out for coffees, lunches, dinners, texting each other all the time, confiding in each other?

I mean, acquaintances at work is one thing. How much talk are you wanting?

Purpleronnie · Answer

I say more fool any guy for doing as he is told like a good little boy.

For me that relationship would have been over the day she said that. Controlling behavior , un-realistic and unhealthy boundaries , insecurity issues , deep trust issues.

Personally I don’t know a single guy that would put up with that crap.

MecheD · Answer

Simply, she hasn’t made it to the point where she completely trusts him. Some people give you the world upfront and others have you piece it together she just may give him pieces over time. A good portion of the time that is linked towards a traumatic incident which needs to be tended to. With that being said you may have to wait until that relationship is over. Or completely forget it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

You could try asking to run the communication through the girlfriend. That's what I do when I want to build a friendship with women in relationships. I just include the boyfriend in the discussions. I always make sure to invite the boyfriend/husband directly.

It's important to be a friend of the relationship as much as it is the person you want to be friends with.

Anonymous · Answer

Being married or being parents doesn’t stop people from cheating. Coworkers or ”friends” are also among the most common people that people cheat with. Also, like 99 times out of a 100 a man is never friends with a woman he has no interest in or attraction to. Him ending up with the ”don’t worry she’s just a friend”-girl isn’t a classic for no reason.

Anonymous · Answer

Nobody in their right mind would put up with that.

Twalli · Answer

I think it shows a lot of insecurity. For whatever reason they feel that any communication of their partner with someone else who is the opposite gender would lead to cheating or something. It's unhealthy. If you can't trust your SO to talk to someone else of the opposite gender without sexual intention, you probably shouldn't be dating them.

TrimmedTip · Answer

It’s usually about insecurity or control, not you. Respect their boundary, keep it professional at work, and focus your energy on friends who welcome your connection. You didn’t do anything wrong.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Been hurt before or understands the reality of risks or culture or religion... You could talk to her, doubt it helps.  The issue being, you may be too close and too chummy and she needs security.

BadApple69 · Answer

Jealousy, and insecurity….. although I repeat myself.
No one wants a cheating girlfriend/boyfriend but trying to prevent them from speaking to someone from the opposite sex is the absolute wrong way to go about it.

slatyb · Answer

They are deeply insecure. He needs to leave her. If he can't communicate with you enough to perform his job, he could be dismissed.

jazzy34 · Answer

This woman sounds jealous and insecure. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. Your friend is going to have to do something about it.

Rides_Big_Guys · Answer

Because. The partner is giving clues off that they are not trust worthy.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Rampant insecurity and immaturity.

fantasticass · Answer

Toxic, manipulative, insecure behaviour. Their loss, your gain.❤️

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Just wait. There will be a next (and 'better) girlfriend.

Shiprex · Answer

Some people are controlling of their partners.

Rangers · Answer

Isn't it obvious? They're worried about getting cheated on

dudeinohio · Answer

Having opposite sex friends is disrespectful to a relationship.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Insecure uptight RUN don't walk AWAY narcissistic sociopath!!

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, don't talk to him. It ain't about you. And if you were truly his friend you would respect that.

dragoblack · Answer

Insecurity, lack of trust, and didn't spend enough time working on themselves after their last relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

That would be quite an uninteresting life if you had to do that.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Sometimes our partner sees things we can't see.

noohair · Answer

This is a very sick person with serious insecurity issues.

Anonymous · Answer

Some sort of insecurity and control I suppose.

OneViewpoint · Answer

It's insecurity and control issues.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Jealousy. Usually insecurity.

exitseven · Answer

They gave somebody who is insecure

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Jealousy and insecurity.

Pohjolan · Answer

Sounds like he's dating a yandere.

12karen · Answer

Insecurities...

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

jealousy

Why do some women/men ask their partners not to talk to other people?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said