Why girlfriend doesn’t want me to meet her family?

[Anonymous]

Her reason is that I’m “college educated and white collar” and her family is going to give her shit for it. Is this a bullshit excuse and is she actually covering something up?

Side note: She’s met my family and they like her more than they like me.

[WindAtMyBack]

There is no way for us to know. But I can see this being legit. A lot of people are embarrassed about their family or home life. Or it might be an excuse because her home is messy. Or it could be a lot of other things, including she has a boyfriend/husband. There is simply no way to know, but it could be legit.

To be honest, I have never understood why some people make a big deal out of meeting parents. My parents met a few girls I dated, but I have never intentionally or formally introduced them. I don't really see any reason to. If someone is serious, over time they would naturally meet my parents, but I would not intentionally do it, and it could potentially take years to happen.

[Asker]

She said that her family is working class and they give her shit for not just being college educated (she’s working toward her doctorate) but for also dating white collar, college educated men.

She grew up poor (living in the projects and getting free lunch) and she’s pretty much the black sheep of her family. When she went off to college, they gave her a hard time.

I’m at her apartment quite often if she’s not at mine and she’s borderline OCD.

[WindAtMyBack]

This could be completely legit. There are certainly people who think that way.

And good for her for taking it upon herself to better her lot in life.

[RavVid]

I think that is ominous to be honest. I doubt the given excuse. Most parents want their daughter to do well and you having a college degree should be a plus in their eyes.

Does she have a degree? If she does it is obvious bull.

[Asker]

She said that her family is working class and they give her shit for not just being college educated (she’s working toward her doctorate) but for also dating white collar, college educated men.

She grew up poor (living in the projects and getting free lunch) and she’s pretty much the black sheep of her family. When she went off to college, they gave her a hard time.

They constantly accuse her of thinking that she is better than them. She told me a story about how her ex slit her tires, and when she told her dad he said “this is how your white collar boyfriends treat you. Just because they went to college, it doesn’t automatically mean that they are good people”.

[RavVid]

Well it is strange they don't want her to do better and seem to want to keep her down in her place. So I can sort of get that they will treat her worse if you are tagging along.

It is true what her father said but she and they ought to give you a chance. The longer it goes the harder it becomes.

Given the further background, I'd just leave it with her.

[silvermoon84]

Could very well be, but maybe not either. Here’s another thought…. she could be embarrassed about her family, not you. I come from a very blue collar family, but a nice, college educated white collar guy would actually be a turn on for me. I would ask her to define blue collar and describe her family. If she says they’re all drunks, prison inmates, drug addicts, etc she’s more likely embarrassed by them.

I’m not saying anyone in her family fits those examples but if they’re do it’s likely she’s embarrassed by them, not you.

[TrueConfection]

Do you believe she’s embarrassed to be with you? I don’t think so.

She’s hiding them or some other secret from you. She might just be embarrassed about her family. Maybe they are alcoholics or in prison.

[Asker]

At first I wondered if she was ashamed of me, but I’m on her IG, I’ve met and have regularly hang out with her friends, I am her +1 to work events, etc.

She said that her family is working class and they give her shit for not just being college educated (she’s working toward her doctorate) but for also dating white collar, college educated men.

She grew up poor (living in the projects and getting free lunch) and she’s pretty much the black sheep of her family. When she went off to college, they gave her a hard time.

[TrueConfection]

She’s ashamed of her family and probably afraid you’ll lose interest in her once you meet them. She’s not ready, but I think with time she will let you in.

[HollyK21]

Don’t care, that would’ve been the end for me lol. Her family would give her shit because you’re college educated? Makes no sense.

[Asker]

Yeah. Apparently, her family regularly criticizes her for dating “College Joes”.

[HollyK21]

What’s a college Joe?

[Asker]

Basically the stereotypical college guy.

[HollyK21]

I think that’s an excuse. She specifically mentioned “white collar”, so it sounds like if you aren’t doing physical work then that’s an issue which is just fucking stupid lol.

[HollyK21]

@Abbycado is currently in college and can tell you how ridiculous your girlfriend sounds lol

[Abbycado]

That’s retarded lol. She’s way overreacting.

[Abbycado]

I should add that it’s on HER to straighten this out with her folks. Like really? What is the disadvantage they see in her dating someone getting an education?

Mind boggling really.

[Asker]

Her family feels offended and left behind because she grew up poor and made it out (she is currently pursuing her doctorate).

[Abbycado]

Good for her!

So wait, they have a problem her dating college guys and she’s in college? Wtf…

[HollyK21]

@Abbycado thank youuu!! Lol like literally mine boggling, she’s full of shit. @asker this woman is completely disingenuous, her whole take is foolish and nonsensical considering she’s in college as well. She just doesn’t want you to meet her family and it’s made evidently clear when she’s making reached like this. If she doesn’t care about her family being offended that she’s in college then I don't know what difference it makes that you do too.

[Asker]

So, for context I’m not in college. I graduated with my master’s some years back. I met her through a mutual friend a year and a half ago.

Yes, apparently they are upset and feel slighted by the fact that her friends and myself went to college, despite the fact that she went to college herself. This sounds so ridiculous, which is why I wanted input on it to see if this was an excuse (or a cover up).

[Abbycado]

I mean, I could understand her parents wanting her to “date her own kind” if you get what I mean. That’s still dumb af but I could at least understand the logic a little.

You literally ARE “her kind” ffs XD

[Asker]

Yeah, so my theories were:

1) She’s has a boyfriend/husband. However, she hasn’t done anything to make me think that she is living a double life (other than this). However, I am posted on her social media, I regularly hang out with her friends, spend the night at her apartment often when she’s not at my house.

2) She’s ashamed of me. However, I’m posted on her social media and I hang out with her friends.

3) Her family is genuinely dysfunctional and she is the black sheep and she doesn’t want me entangled in their nonsense or judging her or me for my background.

[Abbycado]

Honestly, sounds the last point is likely the culprit, along with jealousy they didn’t do shit to get an education.

[Asker]

Yeah. She told me a story about how an ex of hers slit her tires. She told her dad and his response was “this is how your white collar boyfriends treat you. Just because they went to college doesn’t automatically mean that they are good people”.

[HollyK21]

Very strange situation. If I were you Asker I’d be genuinely reconsidering this relationship. In most cases when you get into relationships with someone it’s with the intent to get married one day, maybe have a kid or two if you’re a couple that wants these things of course. I wouldn’t want to sign up for a lifetime of that sort of drama. I’ll be super honest, I’m not sure how much I’m buying this story of hers but hey, it’s not for me to believe or not. I just think situations like this would cause for a serious reevaluation of that relationship.

[Abbycado]

I wouldn’t deal with this crap. It isn’t going to get better, only more contentious.

[HollyK21]

Exactly Abby, I’d just be done with it👎

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Two possibilities

• You are her (unknowing) affair partner
• Her family is really trash and you need to drop her (apple never falls far from tree)

[Asker]

I’ve thought about this, but I’m on her IG, I’ve met and have regularly hung out with her friends, I am her +1 to work events, etc.

[whereismyjohnny]

Maybe there is something about her family that she is ashamed of or trying to hide. Talk to her about it.

[Asker]

According to her, they are dysfunctional and she is the black sheep which is way she keeps her distance from them.

[whereismyjohnny]

It could be that she is just ashamed and scared of your reaction when you meet them? Talk to her openly, ask her what is the real reason and reassure her if she is scared of you judging her or retreating after you meet them.

[Clear_Skies10]

Anything's possible. She could even be telling people back home that she's single so she can keep hooking up with other people when you're not together.

[Anonymous]

That's a 🚩dude. A person's family (man or woman) will tell you A LOT about that person. If she doesn't want you to meet them it's likely because her family will show you the REAL side of her.

[Asker]

What would her real side be?

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's the thing. Generally speaking, bad people come from bad stock. Odds are you're going to see in her family all the things she's hidden, and she knows that. And that's a best case scenario for her.😆 they might flat out tell you how terrible she is. Because terrible people are terrible to eachother.
Now let's say her entire family is terrible and for some reason she happens to be the ONLY bright spot in the family. That somehow she manged to grow into an adult that wasn't terrible. Well then she's showing NO faith in you to see beyond her family.
Like I say man, either way her actions here are a red flag. She's trying to control the narrative. She's trying to control how you see her. And that is a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with having white collar Job? Why do your parents like her more than u?

[Asker]

Her family feels offended and left behind because she grew up poor and made it out (she is currently pursuing her doctorate).

This was meant as a joke. They just like her a lot and always ask about her when we talk lol

[Opinion Owner]

Why does your family like her

[Opinion Owner]

Why does your family like her that much

[Anonymous]

Either she is ashamed of her family, or she thinks that they won't like you.

[Asker]

I’ve gathered that, but I’ve never heard of someone’s family disliking someone because they went to college and have a good job.

[Opinion Owner]

I get it, it's like they are "out of your league".

[Asker]

So, is her reasoning or excuse plausible?

[Opinion Owner]

It's probably just an excuse.

[Asker]

So, what could she possibly be covering up?

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe something shameful about her family.

[exitseven]

Maybe they are liberals.

[In_Trance]

You two are not going to last

[scott04sa22]

That's a red flag

[Asker]

I know, but what could she be hiding?

[scott04sa22]

Your relationship could be one-way, or she's playing you or could be both ways.