Why do some men assume a woman they barely know would automatically want to marry them?

[victoriaxoxo]

I don’t know if this is unique to me but I have been going on first/second dates with men who would say something along the lines of:

‘You know in the future I might be down to have kids and marry. Probably 2-5 kids even!’

It’s just the way they phrase it is as if they consider it to be some sort of gift or incentive to me. And just to top it off a lot of these said guys are not the kind I would pursue for a second date (and I didn’t), few of them had addictions and found out they were still living with their parents at ~30, they aren’t very attractive either or successful. Again not that I need all those boxes ticked but I can’t help but feel a bit offended at them assuming I should be scrambling to settle down with them. Especially because I have a career and usually look at least ~ 5 years their junior. But I don’t walk around assuming random men would be down to settle with me just off the bat.

[BarryLiverstone]

Guys are used to seeing women vent and say things like “all men are pigs” or “guys just want sex”. The implication is that women complain a guy will have sex once, using them in that sense and then ghost or leave. I’m sure either you have had similar thoughts or heard this before.


So the guys you are describing in your question are basically responding to these accusations. They are telling you that they are “special” and unique because they are the type of guy who will not run away and wants to settle down and marry in the future. Now a clear distinction is the guys are not saying it’s with you necessary; he’s just saying this because he feels like that sets him apart and will make him a prize in your eyes.


Does that make sense?

[victoriaxoxo]

Ohh that’s very interesting. I didn’t consider that. That’s not super bad then. Granted I do think that the ‘men just want sex’ is just in the films, but fair play!

[BarryLiverstone]

Check out my profile. About an hour ago I answered a gag question and said that it related to your question. She’s asking why do guys only chase girls for sex and don’t want love.

So yes, it’s not just movies. As guys we get this pushed at us a lot …

[victoriaxoxo]

True, but I would say it is very person dependent. Me and my girls were comparing notes on exs and found a lot of us have patterns, like one ends up with cheaters, other always picks the pump & dumpers, other get the lazy dependents etc. funny how it can be.

But I still feel a bit offended at a guy assuming I mostly get left behind and saying he won’t do it to me. Like thanks, I guess? 😅

[BarryLiverstone]

Is that the way you interpreted it? You felt those guys are judging you or in some way saying you have a bad pattern?

[BarryLiverstone]

He would only know about your past based on what you shared and told him. It’s not likely by date 1 or 2 you have given him the full history of every ex. What’s more likely is the guy wants to be your “hero”, ride in on his white horse and rescue you from all the scummy guys he thinks you have had to deal with before him. It’s not him who is judging you, he’s trying to elevate himself and the future he could provide.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s like if I’m on a date and the girl asked my body count. When I tell her instead of her judging me based on who I am today going to hear the number and try to offend me after.

[victoriaxoxo]

I guess it’s kind of like a girl being on a date with you and saying something like ‘dw I’m not like the others, I won’t use you for your money!’

[BarryLiverstone]

Right. You are saying what I was saying as the date is judging me based on my past., but would assume she only can say that if I mentioned exes using me for my resources. If I had not shared that info it would seem odd to hear

[BarryLiverstone]

Still it’s 2025.. maybe I had used them for their money :p

[victoriaxoxo]

Right, and I haven’t shared any info. for them to assume other guys used me (coz there isn’t any to share) so it’s weird for them to assume and say what they said. Or 2. (More sinister option), is they think I’m desperate to settle down and have kids so they mention that they would be down to in case that would make me want to see them again. Again kinda cocky and rude. I don't know how else to interpret it

[victoriaxoxo]

Yeah exactly, you would wonder what makes your date think that you were a victim and someone used you for your money.

[BarryLiverstone]

Gotcha. I’ll return to my original answer then. Because you didn’t share about your past, they are saying these goals as generic and trying to represent a good and quality guy. You mentioned the guys in reality were not in a position to actually be successful and start a family within a house and career so it’s less desperation to settle down and more lip service to stand out.

Bottom line you clearly didn’t vibe with the guys and didn’t see value in forming a long term relationship with them. I’m sure you have learned lessons along the way

[DryGermanGuy]

You’re overthinking. The guy is just letting you know where he generally stands with regards to marriage and children, it has nothing to do with you. He might as well have said „I see myself owning a large St. Bernard dog“ or „I see myself driving semiprofessional racecars.“

[victoriaxoxo]

Possible. But it’s just more how they said it, sorta with a long pause thereafter as if they expected a reaction. One of these guys will go on to tell me that ‘I will have to work for it’ (his attention I guess (I didn’t obvs lol)). And the other one told me ‘a pretty girl like you needs grounding’. If they seemed genuine I think I would’ve assumed the less sinister thing but because of other comments can’t help but think it was something else.

[Zack-Bann]

The bigger question is why are you going out with overgrown mommas boys and junkies?


Many women will complain that too few men want to marry them


You have the opposite problem


That’s due to selection bias
You keep going for the same type of man and expecting this one to be different


Widen your horizons.
Take chances on guys you normally would skip
You might be surprised what shakes loose

[slatyb]

They are desperate. The have no experience datiing and have probably never been in a relationship. On doing know what sites you are using, but if there are written profiles you should learn to spot these men. You should be able to tell if you ask the right questions before meeting.

[RHK36]

Maybe take a hard look as to why you come across these men because that ain't normal. If this is a pattern it's the metrics you are looking for that are leading you towards walking red flags. If you can't figure it out the problem then it might be you.

[motownplayer2000]

I don’t think any man thinks that.. especially in this day and age of women… women are harder and harder to be around. Insufferable at times. Men are honestly going there own way.. or if you live in the west or westernized country, they are becoming more passport bros and getting girls that are taught to treat men better and with more respect.

[katiesmuff]

I'd call it desperation!

[MasterKS]

few fools born every year.