Why do some men expect women to settle for them?

Question

I kept telling men I only date educated men who are business oriented none of these men who approach me or either. I am on the process of going back to school to further my education and work on a 3rd degree.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Many young men are actually resentful of work done in the relationship, because they think that public or career success results in interpersonal success. Think cologne ad where sexy perfumes surrounds man with hot woman.

Now public sucess and confidence might attract a woman, but how you treat her will determine If she stays.

Men get pressed because they think if they dump 200% of their energy into maximizing what attracts a woman, that attraction is the same thing that will keep her (its not). The strategy for getting and keeping a woman are very different and sometimes, it just involves a little bit of growing up and realizing that agreement is more important than being right. Of course women are also subject to this defect as well.

In your particular case, there are very few men who actively want to support their partner having a vibrant successful (and uncertain) career. Love and support, espcially in terms of eduation, career, personal growth are often very different. You see how low the support is in comments like, 'of course I'd let her work', or 'as long as her work doesn't interfere with x, y, z'. None of this outlines sacrifice, but clearly reinforces a priority for traditional roles.

Keep it up queen. You only need one king to support you.

YollyM · Accepted Answer

Some men think that they have a one up on women just because they are men. Which is why they can't gage their compatibility to women.
A man will persue a woman of a higher caliber truly believing that he stands a chance.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Because they know your value & you have over inflated your own value. You'll figure it out when you see that all of the guys who meet your requirements already found a woman hotter and/or younger, tighter and less bitchy than yourself.

What you should've done was found a quality dude when you were in your early 20s based on his personality, ambition, work ethic and so on. You non-shallow type stuff women always claim it'd be better if men focused on instead of rating her body? Had you found that guy and been there with him when he had nothing he'd happily keep you as he rose to being successful. You would have been in your prime and then had him on lock down as he entered his prime and everything you have to offer (that he can't get from a woman down the street) fades.

Men and women aren't equal. Nothing you do in school or on the job is going to make you more attractive to 99% of men, You're wasting your time trying to be equal to a man. But you do you. The other thing is men can buy EVERYTHING they need from women. A woman can't buy the stuff she needs from men. They will still have an empty heart if they try it.

Sixgunsound · Accepted Answer

Today we are seeing the results of millennial helicopter parents raising their Gen Z offspring to expect instant gratification with minimal to zero effort. This hurts both genders, because the expectation is that gratification of any desire by any person will be instant, and like screaming toddlers, these alleged adults get angry and loud when their desires are not instantly met. Doing everything for child is actually doing them a rather significant disservice.

Pinay_ako · Answer

You settle with who you want to be with. Don’t settle for less!

RiseofArtemis · Answer

You are the literal defenition of how to stay single as a woman. Which is sad, funny and shocking at the same time as being single as a woman must almost be Impossible. The men you want have millions of options and they will never settle for someone like you. They'd marry an Asian Woman who wants to be a housewife and have children with her. Your education makes your value drop significantly for a rich man who owns a Business and has bank. The only thing a rich man cannot get on his own are children which he wants to have. High achieving women often don't want children because it stops them from being succesful. You don't see the obvious when it's right in front of you. If you would have ambitions to a Family want to be a housewife and have children you'd be a fine pick for a rich man. But a career woman? Enjoy your lonely nights with wine and cold bed and you will have no one to share your time with except a cat. You will end Like thousands of career women before you and so will do others. I know exactly that what I wrote sounds like I'm an asshole but it's the truth what will await you. Career women are for rich man nothing but a pass time hookup before they finaly settle for a young woman who wants a family and lives traditional. You have no cards against a traditional minded woman.

king34 · Answer

your not attracting the men you want because your not good enough for them, just as the men or "betas" that you're ranting about are not good enough for you. the men at the the level that you want see you as not being good enough. if you were they would be flocking to you. you would be married right now.

also your degrees, business and finances mean nothing to men, that doesn't make you a more desirable option toward men, why would a man care how much money you make if he's gonna pay for most if not all the bills anyway. so the things you think make you a more viable dating choice for men really dont, only a beta would be attracted to a females money, so you stating you have a business and degrees is not going to attract an alfa at all. your just not what they are looking for. and also your 33 years old, successful men will typically go find prettier younger women who are submissive and co operative. not the 33 year old modern woman with 3 degrees and her own business whos masculine and more focused on her business than taking care of the household. so to put it simply your a undesirable choice for the men that you want.

your standards are too high and you should aim much lower, find a modern beta. thats your only bet at this point, as the years pass women get worse with age, you dont have another 3, 4, 5,6 years to waste hoping for your disney fairy tail dream guy to drop out of the sky your an average woman. getting an average man isn't settling. this is how women end up in their 40's and 50's all alone. I hope that doesn't happen to you but if it does its all on you.

good luck to you though

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Because they're stupid and entitled.

There's no deep reason or meaning, they're incapable of such things.

Most men hear a boundary and think "I should invade! That'll make her like me!". They're like America, but in a gender. Gotta stick their dick in everything that moves.

They only care about breaking your boundaries and tearing you down, then turning to their buddies and bragging they fucked someone who didn't want to fuck them.

Why do they expect it? Because they're poorly functioning adults who can't respect other people and have little empathy. They're trash and they'll stay trash until they learn how to act like polite human beings instead of sex crazed monkies.

bennies_819 · Answer

Cause some guys are just like that, the immaturity in men are very common in this day in age. Chivalry needs to come back!!! I thank all the men in the world that ACTUALLY want to get to know women for who they are not for their bodies, I want God to bless them all!

Haha456 · Answer

the good thing about going back to school and getting a decent career is that you will get to meet more educated, successful men. Grad schools are typically filled with highly intelligent successful men who aren't idiots. Smart guys tend to make more money and have smarter children.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

But are you good enough for the type of man you want?

The type you want has got leverage in the dating world and can probably do better than a 33 year old who's got children.

A lot of men don't want to datw single mothers, let alone a man with options.

If anything, it looks like you want a man to settle for you, just like some other women who want a man who traditional without being traditional themselves and don't have much else but a none virgin body to offer - the latter isn't a dig at you by the way.

PinkMichae · Answer

I don't think it's your expectations of the men you want to date that's bothersome. I think it's your attitude toward men that don't meet your standards.

It's ok to want a man that's as ambitious as you. But stop acting like men who don't meet your standards are no good trash. Men don't know what we want until they try. And a man with an education doesn't make him a good man. A man's character is what makes him good. And not all of us women have a check list of our perfect man. Perfect men don't exist.

Hopefully someday you don't find yourself alone because you passed on so many good men that don't meet your education standards.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Many feel entitled including both men and women… not every women regardless quality deserves a top man… you can easily find a god man but from what I’m hearing from you you don’t want a good man.

The issue isn’t men expecting you to settle… the issue is the men you want don’t seem to want you with the way you worded it… that’s a you problem. And better men don’t want more business women they tend to want traditional women. Young beautiful because all women want the man you want. Ya know?

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I think most of that expectation comes from the fact that women have let men get away with a lot of stuff that there just isn't any excuse for. We just assume that other women are going to be similarly lenient and it's a really bad assumption. If you've lived your entire life with women being willing to date and have sex with you, despite smelling like a farm animal and having awful skin and crusty lips; it isn't unreasonable to assume that the next woman you talk to will be willing to date you as well.

It's pretty gross what so many women are willing to put up with, and it makes life harder on women like you. It's not unreasonable to want soft lips to kiss, good hygiene and stimulating conversation.

caring__1 · Answer

It appears you are expecting men to read your mind, so they know before they reach out exactly what's on your checklist, as you don't want to be bothered by people who don't measure up. Maybe these guys believe they still have something of value to bring to a relationship, even after you minimize what they have to offer. Why not just wear a pin that states "I'm looking for a provider of a fancy lifestyle," or "I'm only available for billionaires."

I'm sensing you'd accept a rich man without the degrees. I have more degrees than you, but I didn't choose a field that would make me rich. I chose a field that would allow me to help others. Each person has preferences and priorities. Rather than judge people who have different preferences and priorities, be more clear as to what you are seeking, and never assume those who haven't chosen your preferences and priorities are below you.

Bluemax · Answer

I don't believe people should date people they don't want to date regardless of the reason, be it education, income, looks, sense of humor, whatever. And no one should be shamed for refusing to date anyone, regardless of the reason. Yet it's surprising how much shaming goes on from all genders. It should stop.

From your comments to others, I take it you are attempting to find someone online. What typically happens when someone who doesn't have your criteria approaches you? What do they say? What do you say?

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

You’re setting up your own failure. Women are attracted to successful men, not the other way around. Men have always been expected to be ambitious and productive providers. So we don’t need women to be that. Unless you’re interested in a stay at home man to cook and clean and hump you on command, and you’ve made it clear that you’re not, you’re going to find it difficult to find a guy who checks all your boxes AND sees value in what you bring to the table. You can be mad at those of us who answer your question honestly, and call us “betas”. Ell oh ell! But we didn’t make your choices for you. It’s time to reap what you’ve sown.

BullShark · Answer

If this is about you not wanting to settle for anyone who has less than a master's degree or a doctorate, then that's just you. But to answer yoru question as simply as possible without sounding offensive, the reason why some men expect women to settle for them is the same reason why some women see themselves as "the prize" and want men to settle for them.

We always want whatever's best for us and we always want what we can't have. That's basic human desire and need, and you can't really beat someone up because of that. And before anyone says anything, I'm not saying you NEED to take whatever's given to you, God no. Everyone has a right have what they want, but at the same time, everyone has a right to want to want something too. You can't dictate anyone what they should want based on their race, culture, educational background and bank balance, and what they don't deserve.

Bellona · Answer

Do you mean like educated in formal education or any form? Many successful business owners do not have a formal degree relevant to their success. So it is not necessary for you to further your education to attract a high-value man unless you want to for personal reasons. Nevertheless, I support your opinion on the question to some extent as I would not want to be with someone with no personal goals and actions in life. Personally, I think I will have to settle for less due to how men are in western society the majority - immature, uncommitted, and sex hungry. However, when I think about dating apps I find them cringe and just forget even about settling for less. Maybe, I would rather have no man than any man. Anyways I think to prevent women from settling for less is not understanding their value as a woman but knowing their value through their attributes. Sorry to say but personally I know some women that deserve to settle for less as they bring nothing to the table.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because a lot of my fellow men lack discipline and a clear plan for their lifestyle so they tell themselves a relationship would give them extra motivation but it won't.

There have always been guys and there will always be guys that retry to go the easy way to get a relationship.

Why because they don't know what it takes to find a partner so they turn to a dating coach. But dating coaches only want to help you to get sex not what it takes to prepare yourself for the right partner.

RationalMale · Answer

Men and women have different values. It's great you're a small business owner, but that's not necessarily going to have value to men. (plus, small business owner can mean anything from you have a business near town square or you sell $100 worth of homemade jewelry online per month on etsy.)

Simple put, if you're attractive and funny and likable, that's big points with men. If you're a 50 pounds overweight single mom, wanting a guy with a high degree and a high paying job... well, you being single might be the market saying you're shopping out of your price range.

dustybiker · Answer

Those men think less of the woman than she thinks of herself. They have their own ideas about age and desperation. And those men are free to have those inaccurate ideas. Doesn’t make them true to the woman in question.

userxvi · Answer

I promise you any guy that is successful on "your level" if they saw this post wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole, or they would just fuck you until they get bored and move on. You are the one coming off and entitled

Its fine to have standards and want someone who is successful and motivated to improve themselves, but you can do that without having a nasty attitude and being rude.

You don't peoples history or their story, some people get fucked up from abuse, or trauma in their life and it holds them back. You never really know what someone has been through or what they are carrying. That's why its important to be respectful and kind (unless they are being some jerk, at which point just avoid them and do not talk with them.)

I don't care about your degrees, or your businesses or how much money you have. I care if someone had a good heart. That they would do the right thing when it counted.

TonightYouu · Answer

Ma’am you sound like those incel guys who blame all women for their own hang ups

The sooner you realize you are the problem the better off you’ll be

you can’t say they expect you to settle because you don’t want to break a standard you set

just be alone because an educated man never settles because he has more options than you do as you both age you are already over 30 and not married ITS YOUR FAULT! You wasted your best years your options will only decrease as you age

you’re either going to have to settle or be alone because you wasted your best years

cryscrys1 · Answer

We all think differently that’s evacuee of how we are raised environmental factors etc

But as a women you have to pick the best men out there for yourself.. and do not get influenced from society if they say you are getting old fat ugly whatever don’t be a fool

Remember : they transfer to you a hate a hate because they never had to live the life how they wanted to and they want to destroy yours too.
Yeah that’s a true story it’s not a legend

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

People may not like this but for us women in there mid to late 20s there's a lot of pressure to settle down, get married and have babies. By time were in are 30s men see us as invisible and the one who are interested usually come with baggage also are fertility doesn't last forever too. If we're giving a man are best years we usually expect it to pay off.

H8INCHES · Answer

Men and women all try to date up. Everyone thinks they deserve more than they actually can get.
For this reason men fuck women they don't think to be good enough for them while they continue to look for the one they think they deserve.
Women just thumb there nose at any guy who doesn't fit their inflated mold of what they think they should be able to get. They'll throw themselves at a hot guy more often than they'll take a shot at a guy that is at a level they could actually get.
All these creates bitterness amongst the dating pool. And people get so jaded they never have a shot at real happiness.

KelleyNice · Answer

It is not an expectation. They try because they are hoping you will settle for them. Of course, it may be an expectation because, at your age, men know your choices are few and far between. When you were at your prime desirable age of 18 to 23, you had 40 times as many choices; especially with the type of men you are seeking.

The fact is, what educated men and women in the low 30s are seeking are totally different. The women want educated high income men. The men want young sexy 20 year olds. Given a choice between ahighly successful 32 year old lawyer that is a partner in large law firm and her 20 year old filing clerk. 11 men out of 10 will choose the filing clerk.

HighValue · Answer

Do you want the truth?

The successful men have many options and most of them won't be interested in a woman past 30. That is your biggest hurdle from what I have seen IRL, not just from online opinions.

Also, a woman's financial success means very little to most men. So that doesn't make you any more, or any less appealing to them. No points either way.

Your best bet would be to go for either men that don't want kids at all, or go for single fathers.

elizalikesberies · Answer

2 questions: Do you fit into the men that you wants' standards? Also, are you physically attractive?

Successful men usually go for a certain type of girl physically, one who if not physically attractive without trying, tries to be physically attractive. There are a lot of other things that the majority of them go for besides looks but I'm just stating one.

hyperben · Answer

hmm, I've met girls like this in my dating circles, I play down what I do/earn quite a bit to see who is immediately out of there (I dont want this kind of person in my world) but also to see who a) doesn't mind what I do and b) can see through the charade and want to get to know me (these are the real people I want to be around!)

for me, education doesn't happen solely in a school/university

Zeus_66 · Answer

I've read several of your opinions/takes/questions, etc. You think very highly of yourself. Good for you. Now of only you were actually happy...

I got a kick out of your triggered update. Cute. I doubt you could handle a real alpha male. Good luck.

normalice · Answer

Much of what is considered "quality" is faked. And so settling for a guy who appears dumber than another guy isn't actually perceived as settling, since the smarter guy is only pretending to be smarter. But the ability to fake it has, itself, become a skill and men generally assume that because it is fake it is universally understood that there is no reason to participate at all.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

There are plenty of ways a man can improve himself with and without an education.

I'm sorry, but you're getting a 3rd degree? I don't see the point in having multiple degrees as such. What man is truly gonna set time aside for you? You're not a woman someone would truly want to settle down with, because you come off as competitive and challenging.

Based on your updates, I can tell that you're not having the best of luck.

tanvishah123 · Answer

You have a standard if men don't understand this thats their problem

Chaser3232 · Answer

If you are happy not dating and single why the concern for answer to and age old question? This will never be answered to your satisfaction. Why continue a debate that has no resolution, nor true end. I wish you well, in educational endeavors and o hope you find someone!

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I'm not sure if I know the answer but it made me think it's possibly the same reason why some women expect the reverse. It's a people trait that some people expect others to settle for them. I am unsure of this is an unconscious ask vs a conscious ask of another. For example do people, or in your case men, actually say they expect you to settle for them? Just curious no sarcasm.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

The same reason women expect men out of their league to settle for them id imagine. I tell everyone im highly traditional. Marriage is for virgins. I expect a woman to stay in the home to work. Yet women with careers and body counts pester the shit out of me why i should date them... a "real" woman and even have asked me if id marry them... lets see... hell no. Why do these women keep trying? Im very outspoken about my standards.

VanguardTitan · Answer

You're totally in your right to want those in a man, you don't need to go against that. You don't need to change what you're looking for. Everybody has the right to want what they want and go for it.

On a sidenote, if you're calling people betas, might wanna rethink your mentality. The whole alpha beta thing is outdated and inaccurate.

BrickBiggems · Answer

This is not a question. This is fishing for an excuse to vent your personal frustrations. I wish you luck in finding what your looking for. Just know you will not find a perfect spouse, we are all flawed creatures.

MzAsh · Answer

They’re hoping you have low standards like the other kiddies they’ve messed with. Angry folks used to try to tell me I’d never get someone who treated me like I was a god, but I did. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Zolly99999 · Answer

I don't. You are just setting your self up for disaster if a person settles

Hairylegs222 · Answer

Nothing wrong with being picky. I'm also picky. Way better to be in a relationship with someone that you find attractive looks wise and personality wise (everything as a whole) rather then settling for less being unhappy.

StevieNix · Answer

I'm shocked that those educated, career-driven guys don't want you.

AimeeKyle · Answer

Education can be obtained in many ways. I assume you mean college educated though. Men can’t read minds. They ask out who interests them.
Seems to me you might be limiting yourself but to each their own.

cth96190 · Answer

Enjoy your student debt and wilting ovaries, as you head into post-reproductive life alone. With your mindset, no decent man would want you.

Sandeeppingping · Answer

Why does this feel like I'm on tinder - Does the dude's age matter?

AsaKyo · Answer

I don't know, but I just want what I want, not be forced into being with people because I don't wanna hurt their feelings. Which has been my whole life since age 14 :'))

Dinklex3 · Answer

I've noticed that with the men online. But IRL we're always encouraged to never settle 👌🏾

globetrotter22 · Answer

It’s your life and your choice. But honestly you life long search for Mr. Right could be for the rest of your life. Just saying.

art84 · Answer

Nothing wrong with having high standards for men who are business oriented. I just think it might put you in a situation where men might see you as not good enough for you since they don't meet your qualifications.

joshywashy · Answer

Look obviously you can be into whoever you want, but turnabout is fair play. Just don't try to make the successful business oriented man settle for you if that's not what they want. Other than that go get em' tiger.

TheFlak38 · Answer

Typical female entitlement. A woman who didn't even finish school demands educated men. Same thing with huge land whales demanding fit men. Female entitlement knows no boundaries.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

It's because they grew up during a time when everyone received a trophy. However, cth2188, don't overvalue yourself, or else you will end up alone with cats. 10 of them.

anylolone · Answer

If you don't have it at 33 you are unlikely to even get close to getting it. You should expect a very gruesome cold retirement, though.

icetome · Answer

hahahahah lol another one who won't make it lol and why would anyone wanna date you? you are not at the top of the list of females

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Why no dating for 9 years?  do you go out to meet people?

bean2k21 · Answer

Just the other day I was thinking, gee why don't I start a Fortune 500 company so I can attract a snooty cunt with three degrees.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

I stopped school just short of my fifth degree. I don’t want a woman who perceives she’s settling for me.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Why business orientated only? You'd fall for greedy businessmen who only see profit. There are some many other job directions that require a bachelor's or master's degree

dolemite89 · Answer

why would u guy that’s well to do want to date you specifically tho? if a guy makes good money he can get more attractive girls.

boobliker · Answer

you have to give other a try too, some are on the up like me went from 12k pa to 75k in two job swaps so you can't tell

Juxtapose · Answer

No skin off my back, I don't date materialistic women. True wealth is found within and I don't sweat money as long as I can pay my bills 🤷‍♂️

Anonymous · Answer

Probably because the men don’t think you’d be settling for them, dingus. They probably have... oh what’s that thing women always say they want in men? Confidence! Yeah that’s it! 😐

Why do some men expect women to settle for them?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do women want men for the wrong reasons?

Why do some men expect women to settle for them?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do women want men for the wrong reasons?

We're glad to see you liked this post.