How to trust guys after being emotional abused?

[LaurenM1997]

I have been emotional abused by my ex and was wondering how to start dating again this happened 2019 but I am still waiting on someone to show me they won’t do the same shit as my ex did

[TonyMetal___86]

I won't lie to you and tell you that you will find someone good just like that!

Everyone talks miss lauren, any person can make a promise, any person can act and any person can change with time, nothing comes 100% guaranteed, well i do, maybe because i'm a freak of nature 🤣🤣

It's like everyone have me but i have no one, anyone can trust me but i can't trust anyone, i might help anyone but no one helps me, i took care of everyone and never dumped them while i've been dumped by all these people! 😏

At the beginning, how can i not love a woman who does anything for me, who shows full love and full romance and care towards me but with time passing by, things starts to change until the person becomes someone who is totally different than the person that you have met and when you face them about how can you do this and that, you gave me your word and made promises in front of god, their answer is simple: "i just changed" you want a woman who doesn't loves you to stay with you? But how and whyyyy... SHE SIMPLY LEAVES!

What can i do miss lauren? Kill her? Than what? Stay depressed, i'll be just hurting myself while she's living her life to the fullest as if i have never existed!

You just have to take all the pain and dark moments, you're ruined life will make you a whole other person filled with rage and hatred!

Than after years, a woman comes and tell you, trust me i love and i'm not like her, how in the hell shall i trust any woman who just sells me words haha

You might ask me: "but tony, what makes her so sure that you won't be the opposite of what you say?" Well she's right, the only proof i have is TIME, the more years she spends with me, she will notice that time doesn't have any effect on me, i'll always be the same but does it matter if it's only from one side? What about her? Am i willing for another adventure, can my body and mind still can handle stabs, wounds and pain, i doubt it!

I really do want to believe that i have chances but my brakes are tight and aren't allowing me to step forward, especially that i'm a man who is about to hit 40, at this age i can't tolerate sh*t anymore!

I paid the price high enough...

[LaurenM1997]

I know you’ve been cheated on and I’m sorry

[TonyMetal___86]

Not cheated on, worst!
Dumped for shallow and lame reasons, broken promises and lies!

No cheating, glad that there wasn't no cheating because i don't know what i might have done if saw something like that!

[LaurenM1997]

Sorry that happened to you

[TonyMetal___86]

Don't worry miss Lauren, they are simply a piece of garbage, real women are women who are like you and a couple of other real ladies around here...

[LaurenM1997]

I’m always real 100% with you and that’s how I am going to be

[TonyMetal___86]

It makes me happy, because i always want you to be like that 100% honest and real, be proud of yourself and who you are, no need to hide anything, if they like you so be it and if not than it's their problem, we can't satisfy every one in the world, that's why people searches for others who are similar to them and that's why god had created us all different and unique in a way or another...

[LaurenM1997]

So True

[TommyMountainFigure]

The truth is Lauren you can NEVER be certain it won't happen again, but the key thing is to know is when to get out if heaven forbid, it does!

Any whiff of abusive behaviour, and that's it, done, No second chances!. It is important they know that too, because it might make them think twice before doing so!

[LaurenM1997]

This is so true I can’t be certain that I won’t be hurt again unless I find someone who will keep their promise and follow through

[SallyTho87]

The trauma and long term effects on memory, emotional memory, and self, do not just disappear after the abusive relationship ends. Those are things that likely will be carried with you throughout your life, and that's okay <3
Dating again, it'll be uncomfortable but taking the risk is worth the reward :) You CANNOT let one bad guy ruin the entire field of men for you. This was a person who you don't ever need to think of again. Moving forward is hard, but it can be done and it sounds like you've taken time to heal over theyears you have, and are feeling ready to get out there again! Which is amazing!!
First, you have LEARNED the signs of abuse, what to watch for, those red flags, etc. from your abusive relationship - so THIS TIME going forward, soon as you meet a new partner, you have the ability to look through and examine if there are any red flags you pickup on right away. This will help weed out those people you also don't feel safe around, or feel like you will not be able to continue with.

Second, take it SLOW. Don't rush into anything - maybe start casual dating, build a solid friendship first while getting to know the new person on various levels, learning who they truly are and their characteristics when dealing with stress, disagreements, etc. This will give you a great insight to how a relationship with them will be, and seeing how they react to little things, or big things, can really tell you so much about who they are individually, and as a partner.

Lastly, don't allow your insecurities have say over everyone new. It's not fair to these new people that you are having doubts already based on past experience. the PAST does NOT set the precedent! You will meet all types of people, but so long as you use your knowledge, experience and let your heart lead you, you will get to find and create bonds will new people :) I hope you can meet some awesome men, who will spoil you and treat you amazingly.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Do not victimize yourself! That’s the step number one.

I will not participate in pitying you, I will advise you to accept what has happened and forgive yourself for not being able to stand up for yourself.

You are powerful.

You can find inner strength to keep on going, you’ll be hurt again, but… So be it.

Don’t trust anyone, trust YOURSELF that even if they disappoint you, You’ll be able to stand your ground and walk away!

[LaurenM1997]

Thanks for your support

[AviatorTom]

Consider the numbers. Your ex is just one guy in a sea of thousands, millions. Do you really think all those other guys are abusive?

[DishLady]

You have to register two things: (1) That you've been through something and need time to heal. (2) That not all men are evil... treat each individual case by case. (3) Don't start dating the new guy until you've figured out how to trust your own instincts again.

[laly520]

sorry it happened to u

It's a gradual process to heal n it requires self-care, self-love n lot of patience in discerning healthy relationships

would recommend focusing on urself more giving it more love n surrounding urself with supportive postive people

also to set clear boundaries making sure it will be respected no matter what

u r pretty n u deserve a good guy

[LaurenM1997]

Awww thanks for calling me pretty that means a lot to me I will follow your advice thanks ☺️ ❤️

[worldscolide]

Its simple. You realize that men aren't a hive mind, That just because one abuses you, does not mean they all will. Dont make the mistake of believing that all men will treat you like an ex, and dont compare new men to ex's either, its not their job to pay for the crimes of others.

[LaurenM1997]

That’s true too

[82lynx]

For what it’s worth I totally get the trust thing, not only because of my total lack of success in the relationships, but being bullied by authority figures for most of my life. From what little I’ve seen though, it sounds like you’re just proceeding with caution, and lots of it.

[Lynx122]

You have to trust yourself. To judge people and to protect yourself when you do make a mistake and find yourself in a bad situation. If you can't protect your own mental health then you need to learn it before you date more.

[LaurenM1997]

On thanks for the advice

[Staximus]

There's more to it than just finding a guy who's not abusive. First you need to ask yourself why you tolerated that kind of treatment and stayed in that relationship. Figure out why you didn't leave when you realized you were in an abusive situation and make sure that doesn't or can't happen again. Then worry about finding a good guy. There are plenty of good guys out there, you don't have to settle for a piece of shit.

[VV3ZZY123]

there's a lot of skills you can learn on youtube. I would suggest researching "Codependency & Narcissistic Personality Disorder"
Then learn the skills they teach.
That way you can more easily identify their red flags like "Love Bombing"

Here are some good youtube channels:

https://youtu. be/oS5vZxz_bfc? si=SOiJjF4mOvcEhWxm
https://youtu. be/w6KBz4cXI_c? si=XHrpouwX_oV3eDEv
https://youtu. be/kQYPFeD_AEw? si=liPParN0k_1t-lZr

[bowenw]

The best people I have dated I met at work where we got to know each other slowly with there never any pressure or playing of games. Try to met people in situations like that so you can see a person’s true nature first.

[Joshydavid25]

Don't let that one man tarnish your view on guys, and learn to discern the signs of an abusers.. Learn the things that attracted you to him or you ignored that you knew weren't great and avoid that..

[Berethor]

Well at least you didn't lost your virginity to him, yea it not easy to know who to trust.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Best wishes on this matter !

[Nikki1989]

You can't trust them, period, but there are good men out there. They are just very rare.

[AngryCarl]

Find someone who's completely the opposite of your ex. You'll be fine. I know you girls like the bad boys but they're no good to settle down with.

[jahaims]

By using common sense and realizing treating everyone the same is moronic

[Jennz6]

I don’t trust them

[LaurenM1997]

Neither do I 😕

[TonyMetal___86]

@jennz6 and do you think that women can be trusted? 😂