Is it wrong to redownload tinder now?

[Anonymous]

I am breaking up with a man because the only reason I am dating him was due to manipulation. I have had a lot of people bringing me to my senses, we have only been dating a few days but I have literally had breakdowns about how it even happened. He pretty much told me he had no reason to live if he couldn’t have me, he turned to drugs because I stopped talking to him and stuff like that, while I was drunk and vulnerable. He was also drunk so I don’t think he was purposefully manipulating me, but then again there have been times sober he has said similar things like “The only way I would have another heart attack is if my heart was to break again, and well we both know there’s only one way that would happen” which was referring to me. Or just remarks like that. I have been in a manipulative relationship before and I know I can’t do this again, so I am breaking up with him, I just need to figure out how, would it be wrong to redownload tinder before breaking up with him?
Also I am scared once I do break up with him he “won’t allow me to” if that makes sense. I think I trapped myself making this decision but again I felt like I didn’t have a choice…

Absolutely wrong!!! Don’t think about it.

Nahh, go ahead. You’re doing nothing wrong.

[Zack-Bann]

Days?
So within days you got with a guy who threatened to hurt himself, is already on a drug bender, and your first thought is “why not download tinder and bring another guy into this mess?”


Here’s what you do:


you get as many willing buddies as you can and break up with the junky bum with them in the room
He gets violent? They break his knees. Not one, both.
He insists on “self harm” you leave and make sure you’re seen in public BEFORE he does the world a favor


Then take some time.
Cool off
Sleep in a bed by yourself for a few weeks


And THEN you can jump back into the joys of only dating

[ohsheeT]

Take a time out. You need to learn how to read men before you do anything else

[HollyK21]

If you’re trying to justify cheating at any capacity in a relationship— you can’t. The best option will always be to leave. It’s only been a few days according to you so there shouldn’t be this level of emotional attachment. I get the stress around him self-harming but that is pure manipulation because if he wanted to do any of that he would’ve already. On top of that you aren’t responsible for his mental health or his choices. Also, if this situation has driven you to have breakdowns and all that then in my opinion what you should be doing after the breakup is stay single for a minute to heal this new trauma.

[Asker]

Thank you. He’s making me feel as if he dies then it’s going to be my fault. I am really scared that he’ll do something dumb as soon as I leave him but I know I need to. I wanted to from literally the second J agreed to date him but I only said I would because of what he was saying and I was drunk and I didn’t know what else to do in that situation when he was saying that. My mind is made up and I am definitely leaving him, I just don’t know how to hurt him as little as possible so he doesn’t do anything dumb.
I think you are right, maybe dating again isn’t my best option. Especially, because this isn’t the first time I have been manipulated, the main reason I noticed so early on this time is because of how similar his words were to my exes, so far the only difference is that he hasn’t left a bruise on me yet, and he’s 26 whereas my ex was only a year older than me… I keep thinking I’m ready and healed but then somehow I fall for the same things after telling everyone I’ll never fall for it again. I suppose I definitely need to take a step back from relationships for now.

[HollyK21]

There’s no perfect way or right time to say goodbye because someone like him won’t accept it no matter how you set it up. If he’s being honest about his feelings of wanted to self harm then those feelings existed long before you came into the picture and will continue to exist until he gets professional help. You’ve already dealt with domestic abuse, this emotional abuse will soon turn into that if you don’t leave. What you don’t want are his threats of self harm to become “I’ll take us both out if you try leaving”. Like no. It’s only been a handful of days just end it, block him at every turn, consider legal action if you ever fear for your safety and begin the process of moving on. Which I do think involves being single for a bit, not jumping back onto the same app you probably met him on and inviting more danger into your life.

[Anonymous]

If you think he’s gonna kill himself call the police and get a 72 hour hold

[jahaims]

You need to mature and go to therapy before you date

[Asker]

Sorry, I disagree with this. Mature? Even full grown adults can’t always get out of manipulative situations, I wouldn’t say they need to “mature” some people just aren’t strong enough to get themself out of difficult situations and I am one of them. I will fully admit I am naive, I have allowed through all of my life a lot of mistreatment, but at least I am trying to get out of a situation that could progressively get worse before it gets to that point. I am 19, I am allowed to make mistakes, but J don’t appreciate the way you worded that. I do agree maybe I need therapy, but to “mature” isn’t the right term. I am responsible, I live away from home, I work hard, and I am only 19, but still thank you for your opinion.

[jahaims]

Lmfao, you don't know what mature mans

[In_Trance]

That's the last thing you need to do right now

[Asker]

I suppose :/ I should probably take a break from dating/trying to date in general 😅

[StephanieChick111]

He's a loser. Break up with him now and ran away.