Have you ever been ghosted on a date? Have you ever ghosted anyone on a date?

[thegreenyogi]

When I say ghosted I basically am referring to a person who organises a date and then doesn't show up or you go on a date but the other person leaves you there waiting without an appearance, or even a text message to warn you he or she isn't coming. And said person has very much lead you on making you feel like a fool. So if you have ghosted somebody on a date why did you do it? If you've been the one to be ghosted how did it make you feel?

[OneViewpoint]

Nope. Never been stood up in person or ghosted online. Nor have I ever done that to anyone. But, I'm extremely slow and deliberate about my interactions with women. I tend to have a pretty good sense of a woman before I ever get to the dating stage. We've probably hung out informally several times with groups of other people some of whom may be mutual friends. I weed out and discard the airheads and assholes fairly ruthlessly.

Case in point.

About an hour after I got to use my "NO" word Friday night, a guy shows up with 4 women. I sort of know him. He shows up at a couple of other places my friends and I frequent on Friday nights. We've met but, sporadically and I can never remember his name. I think he's heard rumors about who I am from other people. And oddly he always comments on noticing my watch collection. Only I don't have a watch collection, ROFL. Just a handful of modest watches I consider fashion accessories. People tend to make assumptions about me. Anyway I'm seated and they're standing. They eventually form a sort of half circle around me like they're assuming I'm just gonna dive in and be part of their group. Oh God, here we go again.

So this guy introduces the 4 women... and I'm not lying.

Him: This is my wife, and this is my girlfriend, this is #3, and this is #4, they're single. Are you single?

Me: Yeah, I'm single. Nice to meet you all.

Him: My wife is off limits. Stay away from my wife please?

Me: Uh yeah, agreed. (Thinking to myself, what the hell group of swingers are these people from? Why does this guy think he needs to tell me not to hit on his wife? Out loud in public. Not a problem, his wife would never get on my radar.)

So we talk for a few minutes, and I get the information I need for a quick assessment of who I'm dealing with and spin around with my back to them. Not rude, just taking advantage of a lull to end the conversation. He leans in and tells me the 2 single women and his girlfriend wanted to come meet me. Apparently he had bragged about knowing me. I told him I wasn't really in a social mood that night. They hung around for another 30 minutes before wandering off.

So why did I shut that down? The 2 single women and his girlfriend were fuck girls. One was probably early 40's and hot, wearing a denim miniskirt that was above mid thigh. Nice legs and ass. The other was late 40's and wearing a blue something that I honestly couldn't tell if it was a dress or lingerie and blue heels. Great body and face. The girlfriend was in jeans and sandals and a very low cut t-shirt. Probably a D cup. The conversation was monosyllabic. They were really nervous around me. I just wasn't in the mood to carry the conversation and entertain them. And there was no way I was hopping into bed with any of them given the info they revealed without me even asking. Plus the guy seems a little off. Altogether, not worth the effort that night.

I'll see if I run into them again. Small interactions over time. Maybe I misjudged them. Maybe they're just ummm... really open minded fun people. :)

[thegreenyogi]

Lol!! This was another really great story of yours. Your way of being really choosy is to be very much appreciated. But yes it's poss8ble they're just very open minded people. That said do you like that kind of thing? And specifically are fuck girls your thing? 🙃

[OneViewpoint]

Oh hell no. I'd probably find them interesting to talk to. Get their perspective on whatever the hell it is they do in life. That sort of thing. Those deeper conversations don't happen until you know someone well though. But likely not even friend material. Maybe casual friends. Fun for maybe 15-30 minutes at a time but it's doubtful we'd have much in common.

As for fuck girls specifically, no, as I've said many times here on GAG, for me it's mind, body, spirit. I need all of it to engage with a woman. Fuck girls tend to make poor life choices, are not generally very bright, and don't do well in deep conversations. I'm not interested in getting caught up in their world, dumbing down my conversation, or stopping to explain things every 2 minutes. I just don't see much chance of any real connection there. And sex just isn't enough to outweigh the downside of being with a fuck girl.

None of that means they are bad people. We may simply live in two different universes so to speak. Occasional brief social interaction may be the sweet spot for both of us.

[thegreenyogi]

" mind, body and spirit"... I would not have expected that. You're not so cold and heartless then... Lol!

[OneViewpoint]

No. That misconception is pretty common though. I feel. More intensely than most. But I can deal with it. Compartmentalize the different worlds I have to walk between.

[thegreenyogi]

Yes I can understand that. I try to do that too.

[Zack-Bann]

What you describe is more “stood up” than “ghosted”
The latter referring to when a person you’re seeing stops calling or texting and doesn’t pick up


I make the distinction because it affects my answer:
I’ve never been “stood up”. As in left standing in the cold waiting for a person that never shows up


But I have been ghosted a few times
And have ghosted people in the past (not proud of it but it was the best option at the time)


I’ve never ghosted someone I made promises to
But I have ghosted girls after one date that didn’t go too well


As for me getting ghosted.
There’s an instance where the date went perfectly.
We had insane chemistry.
Partied all night…


And the next day she left with a smile on her face and never returned any of my messages


I learned that people are complicated that way. It’s not always as straightforward as we would like it to be.
Doesn’t mean we should doubt ourselves or even swear off dating like so many weak minded individuals do

[thegreenyogi]

You're right about making the distinction between being ghosted and being stood up. I apologise for the misuse in words since I'm not used to asking these kinds of questions concerning dating. I've been stood up twice and in both cases there was intense chemistry but of course not only was I stood up but I never heard from those individuals again. I'll admit that it stings a little but I also know that I have to remind myself to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that if that's how it goes it's because it was meant to go that way.

Thank you for sharing!!

[InknKink]

Oh yes. I've been ghosted plenty of times on first and second dates. Almost always in the context of online dating. I also find it happens to me more often if the date is planned a week or more in advance, rather then say, only 1 or 2 days out.

The first couple times it made me feel awkward and confused. One time i got fairly angry because of how I was ghosted. But I've come to realize that some people simply get really nervous about dates and chicken out.

It is what it is.

I've never ghosted anyone.

[Friendlybro79]

I've never ghosted anyone but have been once. I was fine with it. Made friends with a bunch of people at the restaurant as a result. Lol.

I was by myself at the table like in the movies. I ordered a wine... waiting... Then it was funny to me because I'd seen this in the movies so many times and my sense of humor is healthy.

So the other table full of friends is staring at me. I make eye contact with a few of them looking sad and log into YouTube and play sad violin music and pretend like I'm playing the violin with my hands and they all start laughing. Which made me laugh.

I told them I think I was ghosted so they invited me to eat with them. I said yes because I knew they didn't expect me to and it ended up being a really funny experience. I ended up paying for their dinner. Lol. It was a little expensive but I created a great memory for me and for 6 others lol.

[mysteriousNicholas]

Yes @thegreenyogi you may remember the story I said - one time on a dating app, an average to below average yet slim woman agreed to a date for coffee ☕ and she didn't show - lol I laughed it off to this day and thought oh well, because when I called her later she's like "I changed my mind" and she was 20 or 25 and I was about 24 or 25 it was before Covid I think lol 😆

[mysteriousNicholas]

@thegreenyogi it becomes just another story of one's life experiences lol 😆😅 like here in GAG lol sharing.

[Shiprex]

No, never been one for doing much chasing of women or bothered about the risk of being ghosted. Almost all of my relationships have evolved gradually with nothing being about dating formally and all about spending time with each other to see if things clicked.

[AgentG111]

I've never ghosted anyone. I've always explained and apologized for my absence and made arrangements to make it up to them.

On the opposite side I've had a few not shown up with out notice and two that reportedly followed up later by saying they forgot or hadn't realized what day it was. One in caught in the lie by seeing her out with her friends as I changed locations after her failing to arrive and the look on her face said it all.

[Tarifa]

That never happened to me, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone.

If you can't make it for whatever reason, I'd expect that person to tell me well in advance by either canceling or postponing.

[molonski2]

No , I'd never do that..
Nor has it happened to me.

[Nikki1989]

No and No.

But there have been times I wish it would have happened.

[Miristheiss]

No.

Ghosting wasn't really a thing yet or not as common as now.

[Spencer10]

No to both. Guess I am lucky... or I choose and behave wisely

[Anonymous]

No, I actually never had a date :(

Ghosting is not a problem, just call GhostBusters :P

[Jeff51]

Nope