How would you feel if a guy said he plans on taking you on 3 dates before the first kiss?

[BarryLiverstone]

Past few girls I’ve dated have been really flaky. I’m taking someone out Friday and think I’m going to take the pressure off and say I don’t plan on kissing until we have had at least 3 dates. Does that work in 2025?

Updates

8 mo

Thank you everyone for the advice. Based on the feedback I’ve decided to not set any expectations of kissing or how many dates we will have. Sounds like it’s best to just go out once and take it from there. I wanted to try and take a leadership role this time and set honest expectations but guess that’s not advisable.

Updates

8 mo

Horrible date :(. As we are driving to the compound she asks if I was kidding about going mudding. I said no I thought it would be fun. She shuts down and pulls out weed because unknown to me she’s got anxiety. I asked her to please not do that in my car and she said I should just drive her back to her car at the mall. Not a fun time

[Aubrey97]

I advise not scripting that arbitrarily and also not declaring that you've scripted it unless it comes up in conversation somehow. I think it is always better to just let things happen naturally in the flow of the relationship. If she brings it up at the end of the date or asks why you didn't after, then go ahead and answer but I'd find it bizarre if someone just came out with that randomly. I for one am not spending the whole date focused on whether we're kissing at the end of it. When it gets to the end, then we see how we feel and it would give me pause if you were thinking about kissing this much instead of just the actual date itself. I also haven't needed to go on a first date in 6 1/2 years though, but I think that's still how I'd feel.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thank you, that makes sense. I don’t wanna give the impression I’m focused on the kiss. Was trying to do the opposite anyway.

[Aubrey97]

Yeah, you're well-intentioned. It's not the same seriousness as bringing up sex on the first date but I'd similarly just be wondering why even bring that up so fast. But maybe the date goes really well and you change your mind anyway and it feels appropriate, so it'd be silly to have arbitrarily told her no beforehand.

[Xoxocutekitty]

If a guy knows his boundaries and the pace he wants to set, I'm always appreciative of him communicating that - even as early as the first date.

Usually if there's no physical attraction after the second date, I cut a guy lose anyhow. One doesn't need to kiss to get a sense if you'd want to or not. Of course, there's always the risk in the third or after date the kiss might be terrible and there's no hope of getting better, but that's pretty rare. The first kiss isn't always a magical moment and that's okay.

[Purpleronnie]

Maybe I’m out of touch not having had a date in 14 years but for what it’s worth that sounds like an awful idea


You have committed to a kiss without even knowing it’s wanted and you’ve planned it which in my book is a mood killer.. what happened to spontaneity and intensity after getting the “green light” … is that really not a thing anymore?


Assuming the kiss is wanted just for a sec , you have built this bad boy up ? , it’s gonna have to be pretty special. So much pressure to put on that kiss? Why?


Finally , you’ve offered 3 dates for 1 kiss , what’s the next stage and how many dates for that? … a BJ after 15 ? ……… missionary after 35 ? 😂

[BarryLiverstone]

Seems like lots of girls complain that a guy will say he wants a long term relationship and then he tries to be sexual with them on the first date and they think he will ghost them. I wanted to honestly set expectations that I’m not just here for one date but want a longer relationship. So thought if she knew at least 3 dates and not a focus on sex she might be able to relax and not worry that I’m going to ghost her if she doesn’t put out. I’m wanting to be honest up front where I guess other guys lie.

Anyway based on the feedback I guess I will say nothing and just go on the date Friday and go from there.

[BarryLiverstone]

And no. I get your math. But I’m to the point where I’m not interested in foreplay and bjs.., until I’m in a commited relationship. The casual sex doesn’t seem like it works for both people.

[Purpleronnie]

Ok ok ok , you caught me , I was poking a little fun at the situation , perhaps lost on you. I get it , your pure intentions may actually be refreshing , but it’s a gamble at best. Better I think to attempt gauging the temperature and lean in if it feels right. Good luck to you young padawan … may the force be with you

[slatyb]

Why would you say that until she has indicated that she wants to be kissed? That's awkward AF, and besides, it's just weird. It will be a deal-breaker for most women.


Why should there be any pressure? If you are pressing women for a kiss, then you need some coaching. I dated online for a while and never had to pressure any woman for anything. When they were ready to be kissed, I kissed them. It's not hard to tell. They will get close and make it easy. All you have to do is tilt your head.

[BarryLiverstone]

I wanted to set the expectations before the date so that she could relax and not worry about it. And yes I’ve kissed others on a first date before as you said.

[slatyb]

Sorry, that's a bit strange and will be a turn-off to most women. It indicates an inability to understand common social cues. Don't say that. Women going on dates don't worry that the man will be begging them for a kiss.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks. It was less about a kiss and more about letting her know I don’t just want one date. But sounds like it’s better to be a bit flaky than the alternative

[slatyb]

Consider finding a licensed counselor who offers dating coaching.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok I will look into it

[HollyK21]

I don’t think that’s the best approach, mainly because even waiting for the kiss doesn’t necessarily guarantee success going forward.

[BarryLiverstone]

I thought it could take the pressure off. Because girls complain that guys just want sex. And sets the expectation I’ve got at least 3 dates planned.

[BarryLiverstone]

But Ty for the answer. I may just not say anything then.

[HollyK21]

No problem Barry! Hopefully this new woman doesn’t disappoint ☺️

[BarryLiverstone]

Holly I hope so as well. Feel like I’m in a good place to have a serious relationship as I’ve checked off many life boxes : college graduate, home owner, solid career, supportive family, learned from past mistakes

[HollyK21]

What happens with these women usually? Do they just go awol or are they wishy washy?

[BarryLiverstone]

Both have happened

[HollyK21]

Wow! Per your update I’m sorry your date went bad. I don't know why she didn’t believe you were going mudding, she could’ve suggested something else if that wasn’t her thing. Lame.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thank you. I don’t know either

[lightbulb27]

nope. stop planning and being logical and be in your feelings, reading her but leading as the man. why?

Women want to know your feelings because that is how you will be looped in and controlled. they want security... and their security is control over you via the emotion of love. they will constantly test and seek it.

once she has your love, security... better watch out... she will want your sperm. then she turns them into babies and you're in another world.

so that is a certain failure for all but the most skittish. you might as well go on a date with a Doberman.

[Tereza07]

Its a great thing to have boundaries like that. But I think its a bit weird to say it to your date.
I know you mean it good but she might think that you just dont like her and take it as an excuse.

[BarryLiverstone]

Good point. If she’s not feeling confident it could cause her to overthink. And what girl would ever overthink?

[Med_guy1978]

Yeah, I think you should just go with the flow. If you tell her this, it will kill the mood... Women like spontinuity.

[CherryLove007]

I don't know but do not watch the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days" on your first date.🤣

[BarryLiverstone]

Not going to. I’m taking her mudding

[CherryLove007]

that's is a good date and dirty♥🤣

[BarryLiverstone]

Ideally dirty :)

[fantasticass]

If you are with the right girl, then I suggest you wait at least 60 day's before kissing a girl. Kissing a girl on the third date is creepy

[BarryLiverstone]

Creepy as it’s too soon?

[Kelley1]

That would be fine. However, I wouldn't let my defenses down on the first two dates.

[BarryLiverstone]

I also wouldn’t let my defenses down

[Kelley1]

You have to have your defenses up to prevent me from attacking you.

[linka_pat307]

i think its fine because it helps to know each deeper before sealing the relationship completely,... i believe a kiss implies you both found each other compatible

[Shehnaz]

3 dates - 1 kiss = calculative love.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ha ha , more like not getting physical too soon

[Anonymous]

I never had a relationship, and I never had a kiss, but I like dominant girls, so if I were in a relationship, she would decide about the first kiss.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll decide when we kiss. It’s not that hard to figure out when the vibe is there.

[Opinion Owner]

I prefer her to make that decision, because I'm too shy.

[mrshooiser]

Woman are more slutty these days so no.

[BarryLiverstone]

How would you feel if the guy you are dating said that before your first date?

[mrshooiser]

I guess I wouldn't mind. But Im a woman who wants a relationship not a hookup.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya, I’d prefer a relationship to just one date. But sounds like others say it’s best not to communicate

[stayorgo]

Too much work please . Women are not worth it anymore . USE YOUR HAND OR RENT A HOOKER eliminate the bullshit talk the bullshit lies

[BarryLiverstone]

Excuse me? Of course someone is worth it if she’s the one. I’ve never even met a hooker

[stayorgo]

Try at first less expensive

[BarryLiverstone]

But I’m not going on a date to get sex. Why would you?

[stayorgo]

Well at some point it does lead to that . I just don't date at all so 🤷 Berry in the end dating is just not my thing

[AlwaysFaith]

I don't know a bit weird he is planning it out

[BarryLiverstone]

Planning a date?

[WhitneySnow]

Sounds great!

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

How about you say,

Beauty levels are 4

[BarryLiverstone]

Ok. Could you expand on that?

[Opinion Owner]

Whaaat.. error 😡😡 I wrote a whole answer there. I don't know let me see if I can replicate.. though I don't think so.