How should you deal with a boyfriend who is pushy about intimacy?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants me to visit his home regularly and even sleepover but I don’t feel comfortable with that since mother is always home so I have to see her even though we have only been dating for a few months now. It feels overwhelming.

I already told him that I want to limit my visits and go on more dates but he’s a bit pushy and insists I come over even if his parents are there. He also gets defensive saying that he can’t kick his parents out if I come over.

if he continues to push this topic should I consider breaking things off?

[ohsheeT]

When you are talking together about this stuff really. look in yo his eyes as he is speaking . Because what it sound like to me is he is trying to control you he's nor respecting you or his parents

And what I mean about this is his parents are not stupid and they are going to start looking at you you just come over for sex.

Becsuse he's not going to tell them the truth..

But if you really want to see a jackal and hide. Just keep tell him no your not doing it there

And I would bet you he's goingto get mean you down deep already know what's going to happen

[heruncommonsense]

Males do not respect women. Make of that what you will, but me personally, it's why I refuse to lose my virginity.

Berethor admits that males don't ask for consent before having sex or injuring women. They will choke you, and the loss of blood flow to the brain causes brain injury.

"Mental health risks of sexual choking. Being frequently choked by your sexual partner may cause mental health issues such as depression, mood disorders, and problems with mental skills, research shows. The highest risk was found in women choked more than five times in the past month. They were more likely to feel sad, lonely, anxious, and depressed, compared to women without a history of being choked as part of sex."

Other things males themselves say:

"All men will commit rape if they think they will get away with it"

"We need government-issued girlfriends"

"Men are simple creatures who only want food and sex"

"Men are biologically wired to cheat" (Implying that males have no self-control)

"Men fib to get women to sleep with them, it's in our genes"

[BriamG22]

Establishing boundaries early is important. If you don't want to then tell him no and follow through. If he keeps pushing then tell him that him not respecting your decisions, virtues, values and your thought process is pushing you towards ending the relationship.

If he can't even respect your choice on this then what about matters of even greater importance in the future?

You should definitely give him a chance after clarifying the importance of this issue and how its impacting your view on the future of the relationship. If he still pushes then you should break it off because; to me, this could be indicative of controlling behaviour, selfishness and lack of empathy as well as lack of consideration.

These are traits exhibited by a narcissist, but I'm merely basing it off the limited information provided, I'm most likely totally wrong about this and talking out of my butt though 😅😅

[Asker]

I don’t really like how he continues to invite me to his house even though he knows it makes me uncomfortable. Also, he doesn’t shut the door unless I tell him and just expects me to be ok with his house situation.

I have been visiting him every now and then but I don’t think I want to continue.

He doesn’t want to move out because his family cooks and cleans for him.

[BriamG22]

Ok I'm gonna assume his age here as being similar to yours, so mid to late 20s?

I think the ultimate red flag here is your last paragraph. He doesn't want move out because his family cooks and cleans for him. So he's basically an overgrown man child.

He's been spoilt so much that he expects you to just go with what he says since he's used to getting his way. He asks you to go to his house because it's easier for him. Maybe he doesn't have to pick you up? Or dress up? Or whatever.

What're you doing girllll... Exit this situation ASAP. Trust me even if you guys move out together you're gonna end up being a babysitter doing all the chores at home lol.

[Asker]

Actually he did try to make me chores for him while I was in his place but I refused and called him out on it. Also once I was sick and he told me I should not come over since I would get his family sick. Like ok you have been begging me to come and you assume I want to come badly when I’m sick?

[BriamG22]

Wow... This guy... Please Run in the opposite direction. Like text him now and end it...

[Asker]

Well I don’t like to be abrupt. So, why do you think this guy is giving out red flags? Just want to get an outsider’s perspective

[BriamG22]

1. He's in his mid to late 20s and he doesn't want to move out because mummy cleans for him and cooks for him. Or maybe an in house maid does it who knows. He's a manchild...
2. He doesn't seem to respect your decisions and your choices. If he's pushing you on simple matters like going to his house, what's gonna happen when it comes down to more serious matters? Like having children when you're not ready? Or living together with his parents?
3. The reason why he's so adamant about having you go over might; and I stress might, stem from selfishness and/or laziness, maybe he doesn't want to go out, or to go pick you up, or to dress up, or to plan a date. Who knows.
4. You're sick and he tells you not to go over? Isn't he your boyfriend? Why would he even think you'd travel to his house whilst sick? If I had a girlfriend that was sick I'd be going over to HER to take care of HER... Did the guy do anything at all other than text you "How are you feeling?" every hour? If he did nothing, it just further exemplifies his selfishness and lack of empathy and ultimately the lack of care he has for you.

[Asker]

Also he made me feel like I was hating on his mom. Like oh where’s she supposed to go if she’s not working? He can’t kick his family out. Just because I asked when they are not IN the house.

[BriamG22]

Hahahaha, let's add gaslighting on the list of problems

[BarryLiverstone]

By establishing boundaries. Let him know you are happy to go and visit him at his parents house but out of respect to them you will at the most hold his hand. That’s no kissing, no touching.. it’s meant to be respectful of his parents and the fact that you are his girlfriend. Wouldn’t even sleep in his bed if you can avoid that.


Sure he wants intimacy as that’s a part of a romantic relationship. So let him know you want that as well; and that’s part of dating him outside the house and that he can step up and plan dates where you will be excited to be his girlfriend and not have same boundaries when it’s just you and him, no parents around.


Does that make sense?

[Asker]

Well that is logical thank you!

I asked him to call me when the house is free and he’s like “you will just have to be ok with her being there”. So it’s like he wants intimacy but then forces me to chill at his family house which is not cool.

Also, he told me he doesn’t want to move out because his mother cooks and cleans for him. That was a turn off as well

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome.

Nope, don’t give in and sneak around his parents’ house as if he’s a teenager. I assume you want an adult relationship and if he wants to be cooked for by her then it’s his choice.

Just remind him that you are wanting him to be successful in life and want to encourage him to move out based on his plan. But he can’t expect you to be there in his house just for sex when his mom goes out.

[BarryLiverstone]

But yes, I see his side that he doesn’t always want to see you on a date and would like you to spend down time with him. And that’s ok but you have to be clear that time isn’t about intimacy at his house regardless who is home.

If it’s a turn off if he doesn’t have a plan to move out, then why are you still dating him?

[Asker]

Sorry, I don’t think I understand the last part of your text. Could you please clarify?

Also, he doesn’t even wait for people to leave. I don’t like to sneak in either and that’s why I don’t like to visit anymore because it’s awkward. It’s not like it’s a friends gathering and I think he has boundary issues with people in general. Every time we go out he gets calls from other women who asks him for relationship advice. He declines them now but it seems he didn’t have any boundaries before so he’s struggling

[Asker]

I mean it’s not that simple… I also don’t like to cut things off abruptly. So I’m still thinking

[BarryLiverstone]

In the last part I was trying to understand why he’s pushing you to come and visit more. That’s because he doesn’t want to spend money and time always going out to see you every time. He wants some times for you to come to where he lives.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope, relationships are never simple. However you have to reset the boundaries and make sure he can live up to them. Can he come to your house?

[Asker]

So i live with my family and I don’t have the option to bring him home since they are strict. I can’t afford to move out just yet

[BarryLiverstone]

Then right now you both live with family. So will have to be patient regarding sexual activity and find ways to share intimacy away from the home. If he’s being pushy about it, remind him that your parents and his parents also were young once and they moved out on their own.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree. he just thinks it is convenient for him but I don’t think I want to put up with it anymore. He invited me last weekend too and I said I want to on dates rather than his home. Because from his perspective going to his home is a “date”. I think it worked out for him before because his exes were sleeping once all the time so I’m overreacting in his opinion

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s a date for you. Let him know if he wants a date at his house you are happy to come and see his parents.. and you assume he will be a your house for the date.

In other words no.. a date is him planning activities away from the house

[MasterKS]

whats the issue with mom?

[Asker]

Oh nothing. I think we should just all cuddle together

[jahaims]

He just wants sex