How would you handle a boyfriend who is very unromantic and nonchalant?

[benefiel]

He doesn't seem interested in doing romantic things or expressing his feelings, and he always comes off as emotionally distant. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care about our relationship, and it's starting to bother me.

[jennifer_bloom]

I told my friend I once rejected a perfectly good guy for never telling jokes and she told me, if his other qualities are good and it's just his sense of humour, you could train him to tell jokes instead of turning him down and looking for other guys to date.

Most relationships mimic the parent child relationship to a lesser degree but in the sense that people modify their behaviour based on how you react to their behaviour.

Like I don't discuss my personal life with people who mock my emotions. That is a very obvious example, but I'm trying to show you, that you get better treatment when you reward better treatment and you get worse treatment when you reward worse treatment.

I'm not condoning any type of abusive behaviour or victim of abuse and I'm not suggesting that everyone responds to coercion or boundaries the way that you are supposed to.

I am just saying you can negotiate treatment by the way you respond to it. And if a guy does not care what you want, it's time to break up.

[Puppystarfish23]

This is my husband, I love him very much and he loves me too but he struggles to express his feelings through affection and what he says. We've had this conversation many a times and he says he tries to show me he loves me through his actions and he's right. He takes good care of me and works hard to provide.

Unfortunately generations of men have been told its wrong and a sign of weakness to show emotions and it's for us to help them and show them it's okay and that the relationship is a safe space for them to be themselves.

Sometimes the sweetest men are the ones who show a hard exterior but once you work on these things and talk it out they'll show you how much they love you in other ways

[benefiel]

I know he is a good man but I feel distant. Your words comforted me thank you so much.

[Puppystarfish23]

No problem so many people rush to judge on this site and insist you must brake up at any sign of inconvenience instead of working on things like good couples should do

[VanillaSalt]

was he like this from the beginning? If so you knew what you were getting so why didn’t you consider that? If not then something happened right around the time he started acting this way. Maybe something between you and him maybe something completely unrelated.


If it were me ide want you to tell me what I’m doing wrong and why it bothers you… gracefully. Emotional complaining is just nagging. Be as calm as he is. That is what I recommend.


He might have gotten bored. It happens. Maybe it’s better to say complacent. This might be his actual personality but it doesn’t change the fact he still likes you. Again talk to him about it.

[benefiel]

I think it's just part of his personality.

[Anonymous]

You could try talking to him. But honestly men aren’t raised that way. A lot of times our feelings are shit down, whether brother men or even our mothers sometimes. He may change some, but it may go back to the same thing. It’s hard to change something like that when you’ve been raised like that all your life. One way you know a man cares about your relationship is by his actions as far as taking care of things. The bills, purchases you things, picks on you. Men show their love by doing th in gs, not so much through verbal communication.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of a relationship where one partner seems to be floating on a raft of nonchalance while the other is swimming in a sea of romantic desires can be quite the challenge! The key here is communication, sweet talk your way into a heart-to-heart conversation. Approach him in the most non-confrontational way possible, share how his behavior makes you feel without launching the missiles of blame. It's like a dance; lead with emotions, not accusations. Use "I feel" statements to avoid putting him on defense.

Remember, darling, people express love in different ways; he might be showing his affection through actions you haven't noticed yet. Discuss love languages, maybe? It could be a game-changer! And if you're feeling like you're in a solo tango, consider if this relationship meets your needs. Love is a two-player game, after all. Keep it light, keep it bright, but make sure your needs are taking flight! 🌹

[Summeroflove]

Communicate how you feel is the first thing that you need to do, the second thing is figure out if you’re even happy anymore and is he?

It can be hard but you may have to have that conversation that you’re not fulfilled and don’t want to spend the rest of your life like this. Ending things on good terms hoping he finds someone that will maybe better motivate him and you can find someone who makes you happy.

You can’t force a person to change you can just nag them until they don’t want to do it even more. I think you should just express how you feel and if you’re non longer happy. There is other people out there not to mention you’re better alone in pace then in a dead end relationship where you know that you’re not even happy.

[DishLady]

How long have you been seeing the is guy — and also, what’s his past like?


Some guys are emotionally unavailable due to past trauma so chipping away at their hard shell to get to the sweetheart locked up somewhere behind a ton of pain, anguish and sarcasm… takes “Time And A Half”. It can affect both emotional and physical intimacy rather badly.

[DishLady]

If the guy is really worth it, just be patient. Even back up and offer friendship and an attentive ear till he comes around, ok?

[ohsheeT]

When you go to bed and one of you wants to have sex. Who starts it him or you..
.

It takes one to get things started but to to do it same with going out..

Really in everything you do

[VIVANT]

The is a really good point.

[VIVANT]

Romantic activities are one thing but if you need affection and that’s simply not how he “expresses himself” that’s a big deal. Affection is extremely important for humans psychological well being, all humans, whether we think it is or not. Whether you’re raised that way or not. And for most people it is a reflex, when you are where you want to be and feel safe.

Many people were not raised to show affection, women, men, they still come around. There’s no such thing as “ not being raised to do a thing so you can never do it” kids are not raised to have sex either.

Most things we do as adults as we discover ourselves are not things we were raised to do. Patience is fine, discussion is fine. You can’t make someone want to hug you. You can give them time to get comfortable with something they feel a desire for. If there’s nothing in them that wants that and if it’s important to you, I’d consider the relationship.

Romantic outings etc are performative so this is simply if someone is willing to do it or not. I don’t think they are a good sign of life for that reason. But affection is not simply showing you care, it’s having your own needs her. If he has a heed for sex but not basic affection, that’s… hard to accommodate in my opinion.

He has sex with you so touching IS something he is capable of. He’s not allergic to it. It’s simply not something he is comfortable with but wants, or he is not comfortable bc he does not want it. If he doesn’t want it, what can you do 🤷🏻‍♀️ is the relationship so good you’ll tolerate feeling unloved. It’s a decision…

[VIVANT]

Typos :

Romantic outings etc are performative so this is simply- if someone is willing to do it or not. I don’t think they are a good sign of love, for that reason. But affection is not simply ‘showing you care,’ it is also having your own needs met as much as caring for someone else. Affection is importantly.

If he has no actual problem with touching i e no tactile aversion, and If he can recognize a need for sex but not basic affection, that’s… hard to accommodate in my opinion

[hahahmm]

Who told you that men are supposed to act like women? They were wrong. If you want an emotional guy go pick any random soy boy who is crying over random songs and loves romantic comedies more than action flicks. These guys are all over the place.

Or I guess you could start pumping soy milk and estrogen rich chemicals into his food. He could grow moobs but he will be acting just like you eventually. Or just go full lezbo and stop pretending to be straight, maybe?

If you're not compatible just move on. It's not like you're married.

[Anonymous]

This. I was dealing with this in my relationship and part of the reason things ended. You can't change a guy no matter how hard you try. If that's his personality then you can't change it unfortunately.

You can try to talk to him about it and see if he will be willing to change but in my experience if that's how he is then that's just how he is.

[benefiel]

I try to talk to him and he seems very interested about my feelings but it is still the same.

[Anonymous]

Handling a boyfriend who is unromantic and nonchalant involves open communication and setting clear expectations. Start by gently expressing your feelings and explaining what romance means to you. Use "I" statements, like "I feel valued when you show affection," to avoid sounding accusatory. Suggest activities that encourage bonding, such as planning a special date or writing each other letters. Understand that everyone expresses love differently; he may not realize his behavior affects you. Patience is key, as habits don’t change overnight. If efforts to communicate and compromise don't lead to improvement, consider whether the relationship aligns with your needs and desires. It's important to feel valued and connected, so ensure you're both willing to put in the effort to make the relationship fulfilling for both of you.

[BetaBucks]

If that's not your thing, find someone that has the qualities you want. There are infinite girls that prefer guys like him and would leave or cheat if their guy was romantic and intensely focused on the relationship. And there are infinite guys that are exactly what you want. Don't waste time trying to change the fundamental nature of a person.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

It sounds like a relationship of convenience rather than one of love. If you have to work at or compete with the world around you for affection then it’s probably not worth it to be in that relationship.
By the way, do You like eternal sunshine of a spotless mind?

[Damaged00]

Sit him down and talk to him. But don't condemn him for not being someone he is not. There are people out there who are like this and it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it's just how he is. He probably shows you in his own way that he cares but you're only used to a certain way so you're missing it.

[OfMiceandMen]

You may have to plan some romantic outings and see if it helps. If he doesn't come around explain to him that is something you need and he should make an effort.

It's a bit of a warning, but at least you gave him some examples... he should be able to come up with his own romantic gestures afterwards.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sorry, what I was getting at is... some guys only lead by example and he may need a little help once in awhile to know whether what he is doing hits home of the romantic-side.

[Dongie]

Mine is August 10th.

[Peridot25]

Are you 100% sure about that? He probably has his own ways to show he cares but you have to look deeper.
I’ll be honest, I’m nowhere near as romantic. I have my own ways to show how much I care and love someone. But, if there’s something specific if you want me to do that YOU find romantic, I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen.
He may come off as distant but I don’t think he truly means to come off that way.

[Anonguyfella]

Two things he could just be lazy, in that case tell he needs to put more work in, and see how he reacts, respond accordingly.
Or two he could have a mental illness like AvPD which makes it hard for people to show intimacy. Look up the symptoms and see if they apply to him, even the non romantical ones. If you think he does I don't know maybe talk to therapist? I have that illness and I don’t know how to fix it lol I just know it’s the problem….

[Nifrayu]

Have you asked him how he feels about the relationship? Everyone's body language response to emotional stimuli is different. For some people it just doesn't show very well. It's possible that he cares very deeply about you. I would initiate a conversation about this with him if I were you.

[osmanthus]

Maybe tell him you want more romantic evenings together and give him some examples of how to do that? If he's not into that well maybe it's time to consider leaving him.

[ashikaa2]

@osmanthus please follow and dm me now.. I want your help

[DannyUk2017]

Is funny how 2 "opposites" met, isn't it? You complaining that he is Not Romantic, Some of Us are Too Much, and Women are calling us "simp"... so which way is it/want it? 🤔, Romantic or Not?

[VanillaSalt]

All women are not the same and think all men should be or are or that there’s only one right way.

[DannyUk2017]

@VanillaSalt, i've learned that is... either "their way" or No way...🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[VanillaSalt]

You’ve learned wrong then. We men give our way or the highway speeches all the god damn time. It’s human nature to want their way. Men are just more likely to be able to see that and women are less likely. We are the logical ones they are the emotional ones.

[jahaims]

That is because you are expecting him to show his feelings in the same ways you do. He probably shows it ways you don't see because you are looking for your specific things.

[SweetJoyGirl]

I would dump him. LOL

A man has got to be crazy to think being nonchalant, uncaring, and unromantic will keep me. 😂

Know your worth, hun. 💜

[WhitneySnow]

I would probably talk to him about it. If he doesn’t change, I would break up with him.

[IslaTheWitch]

does he know what you feel and what you need? did you talk to him? did you make any agreements?

[katiesmuff]

It should bother you so maybe you need a really good sit me down chat with him and maybe you will find that maybe you two should just part friends.

[rienna888]

babe if he’s not putting any effort or showing love towards you, it means he has problems or he stopped being interested. You have to distance yourself and make him prove he cares

[EmyyWolf]

Cheat. Lmao 🤣

For me at least. Maybe then you’ll get the memo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[SugarSugarplum]

That's men in general. If you want overpowering emotions, date women.

[Berethor]

Men give love for sex, women give sex for love, nothing surprising if he is aromantic.

[Jamie05rhs]

He isn't in a relationship with you. You're his friends with benefits.

[xShortiePantsx]

Not very well, we would have a conversation, nothing changes then it’s time to go. Life doesn’t wait for no one x

[Twalli]

He may just not be as romantic as you want, tell him you want him to be more romantic, even if he has to force himself to be that way.

[sunflower97x]

Have you tried talking about it? Maybe he thinks if he's too much it'll push you away. It wouldn't hurt to talk and see what's going on. I'd do that first before you go finding someone else.

[LiamJHayden]

Different people express love in different ways. Look for ways he does express care for you.

[the29thhuman]

Why he with him then if it’s a one way street relationship

[OhLongJohnsoning]

Tell him. We're not mind readers. Tell him what you'd like for him to do.

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

Does he have any good qualities at all?

What attracted you to him in the first place?

[Nikki1989]

I wouldn't be with him.

[luvstoned4him]

Get out, he does not love you

[quickquesocheese]

By being single.

[Dongie]

Get a new more compatible boyfriend.

[Sugar100]

Dump him

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[MasterKS]

dump and move on!