Sweet boyfriend, who's overfriendly/intimate with other women. How to make him understand?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend very much and he's a great guy, but lately we've been arguing about the way he acts with other women, he doesn't understand what he perceives as 'friendly' makes me and other girls think 'flirty' that was just with conversation. He really upset one of my friends by being so touchy feely, I know he means nothing by it, but it a. upsets me and b, either leads other girls on or makes them feel uncomfortable to upset. I thought we'd finally got it sorted, after a lot of 'but you're trying to change who I am/ you're being oversensitive/ insecure comments from him' he said he didn't neccsersarily agree, but he'd try and tone it down. However, I saw him yesterday and he was exhausted, his reason why... he stayed up to 3am talking to a girl who was going to be at his university (college for those Americans of you) .He hasn't started yet, I personally wouldn't talk to people on Facebook I hadn't met in person even if they were going to be at the same uni, but there is nothing wrong with that, however staying up so late to talk to one is wrong in my opinion (and it made him late for work), it's another display of over intimacy. I feel like I'm getting to breaking point on this, but he's getting to breaking point because of all the arguments so I really don't know what to do because on the one hand, he's never been anywhere near cheating so maybe I should suck it up, but on the other this really upsets me, and it makes it hard to trust him when he can't even manage not to cross the line with the little things and it feels like he's doing things too intimate with other people, which should be reserved for me, his girlfriend and I feel ignored and like he doesn't care about how I feel, that he keeps being overintimate albeit in different ways.

[Anonymous]

A good example of girls craziness. I'm sure you have not a single guy friend even on FB right? And guys never approach you and flirt with you, right? Oh wait...you're right it's different because you're a girl and he's a guy. So when he does something innocuous it's wrong because it's well known men are pigs, and the same thing is fine when it's girls because they are angels.

Why are girls so convinced they are righteous amd guys sinners. Even when we do nothing wrong we're already guilty in your mind, facts don't even matter, we're always guilty.

[Asker]

Umm actually... I do have guy friends - I just don't flirt with them and stay up till 3am talking to them... resulting in me missing work. This isn't me being crazy, he upset my friend the other night and her guy felt like punching him for the way he was acting. You're a good example of just because you haven't slept with another person, means you can't have possibly have done anything wrong and that all girls are hormonal and oversensitive if they say otherwise, am I getting close?

[lauren02]

I'm in the exact same situation.

THIS is the one major downfall of dating a really really sweet guy. Bless them, they see no harm in it, and want to try and make everyone happy. My guy always writes *cuddles* on girls statuses when they''re upset etc. and it makes me twinge just a little bit with jealousy. the staying up till 3am thing has happened to him too before. I just wish he'd be a tiny little bit less over friendly with other girls.

(oh and he offended my friend too! not cool)

[Asker]

Wow, thanks it's good to know someone out there is in the same boat! And I truly agree, that's it's a good quality that he's so nice and trusting and sees the good in everyone, but at the same time he can't please everyone, and should put his girlfriend first! Have you had arguments about it before? What do you do about?

[lauren02]

Yeah, that's so true. They need to learn that they can't please everyone haha!

We bicker a lot about stuff, and this is one of the issues I've picked up on before in arguments. He's so stubborn though sometimes, because he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. He just reassures me that I'm the one he loves, and that he just likes making people happy. Which is a good enough reason for me, until he does something for someone else that he hasn't done for me. Which hasn't happened yet!

[lauren02]

So I'm just trying to learn to live with it, because I really love him. and guess I'll have to get used to it, but he has compromised a bit, and isn't quite as bad as he used to be.

[Asker]

Well that's what I tried to explain to mine about, 'wanting to make everyone happy' that by doing this he's making no-one but himself happy. He won't make the other girls happy as if they don't fancy him they'll just feel uncomfortable by the way he's acting, and if they do, they'll get false hope which sets them up for a bigger more painful fall. Then there is the fact that it certainly doesn't make me happy and I'm the one he's supposed to love! I think he kind of gets it now, but...