Would you break up with someone who no longer kept up with their looks? How important is maintaining physical attraction to you?

Question

I'm not talking about some unrealistic standards where someone has to stay looking young forever or at a certain weight, but if you were dating them/married to them and on their own without any conversation from you, they regularly went to the salon/barber, and were going to the gym, and were fashionable and then they just stopped doing any of it and just "let themselves go," would the thought of breaking up cross your mind?

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

This is a question I've spoken about in detail in many of my posts on GaG over the years.

Yes, as you said, everyone gets old and their looks naturally fade over time. You get wrinkles and your figure becomes harder to maintain. But we're not talking about age.

It's not shallow to be attracted to someone physically. Physical attraction is a biological factor that influences our choice of partners. It's not the sole factor in why we stay with them. But everyone appreciates when their partner puts effort into their physical appearance, fitness, and health. You could say that the effort one puts into that is a big part of their personality and who they are as a person, and also a big reason for anyone to be attracted to them. So when they stop putting in that effort, it CAN be a huge turn off.

If they refuse to change and decide to remain lazy, it shows they don't care what their partner thinks about their appearance. They just want them to love them for them. But the thing that they don't understand is that WHO THEY WERE was the person who cared about it.

And I'm not saying that you should leave someone if they get old or if they get disfigured in an accident or something. That's another story altogether, and I'd hope that anyone still loves their partner after those experiences. But while you're capable of it, you should put in the effort for your physical appearance, fitness, and health, not just for yourself, but for your partner.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It’s hard to say other then it would depend on the situation. Number one to truly love someone you would have to wonder what happened and what changed. If they dont seem happy anymore I would hope I would be there for someone going through that. I would want someone to help me as well.

But context does matter.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

yea... go divorce them and go for someone else.

you remarry someone else who looks great, 10 years later, they start getting old and looking like shit.

then you divorce them again, then now you're getting old so now nobody wants to marry you.

everyone will lose their looks at some point in life. you cannot keep divorcing whenever you lose physical attraction to someone. You will get old and ugly one day too.

The only exception is if you are in your young 20s, have high sex drive, still have plenty of life to live and are basically too young to be married to someone who is old and ugly.

But if you are 30 and over, your old ugly years aren't too far away.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Not to sound shallow, but if the guy expects me to keep up a nice fit trim look then he should also take care of himself and look good (for himself and for me).

Anonymous · Answer

It really depends. They might be dealing with external forces. There's being overwhelmed by life and then there's giving up on life. I would say something if I felt they'd given up. If they're overwhelmed I'd try to help them, be supportive of them not dismissive.

This is not a simple question to answer or one that has an exact answer because there's being in a relationship for a short while and then there's being in a relationship for decades. You don't give up on someone that you've been with for so long they're sort of entwined with you. Caring about someone is not a switch you can just turn off (or at least I've never been able to). So you don't quit on them unless they're completely not the person you met oh so long ago and have no intention of ever trying to be, or at the very least want try to be a person you can support.

EzraIsShy76028 · Answer

I understand that no one can stay "hot and young" forever but to not even try at all as you get older is a bit too extreme.

Mainly though I would be more concerned about their mental state. Doing this can be a sign of severe depression and/or giving up on life.

I myself am guilty of this sometimes though when in a bad place mentally so I can't judge them too hard.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I feel it important to say firstly that I’d put so much more in front of “looks”.
For me I’d frame it as “ making the most of your appearance and generally looking after yourself “ as long as those are both generally true then I’m happy.
I adore my partner , my feelings for her are far deeper than her shape and form and I play an important role in her happiness and desire to look as good as she can for herself primarily

lightbulb27 · Answer

too extreme probably... it's a sign they don't care about themselves. I've seen that brought to fruition.

There's other reasons as well... like they smoke. blech... that's the stupidest human addiction there is... purpously inhaling smoke.

slatyb · Answer

First I would talk to them about it -- what happened? If they say "I thought you loved me for who I was, not how I look" I would say "I thought you loved me enough to take care of yourself, but it seems you were just putting on an act to get me to invest in the relationship." When one partner stops trying, it's reasonable for the other partner to end the relationship.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

I wouldn’t stay with a woman that neglects her health. Not even cause she looks bad, but because she will obtain health issues. And I do not want to have to take care of my significant other at a young age especially when they brought themselves to that point by their negligence

Crankor · Answer

If it lead to decline in their hygene and motovation then most likely yes. Its a good part of taking care of yourself and shows responsibility. To me someone who let's themselves go shows a lot about the type of person they are and doesn't fall in line with what I find attractive

Zack-Bann · Answer

Yes I would
But I would have a conversation way before that

Talk her into getting back in control before it becomes a big issue

If she insists on just bloating out and looking like a homeless person then we’d be done

beenherebefore · Answer

I would tell them first that I'm losing attraction from them because they're letting themselves go and then give them the benefit of the doubt and act accordingly.

mysteriousNicholas · Answer

If she's the female equivalent of that slob above 🖼️ which did make me chuckle "hey at least the couch is clean" I remarked in my inner voice - then yes I'd dump her

Unycorn · Answer

Shower and tooth brush usage And not for hours in a beauty salon every day Balance - clean and not dirty. That is a must

melanieeeB · Answer

Well sometimes you have low moments and all but overall, I couldn't be with someone who is really lazy, that wouldn't fit to my personality.

genericname85 · Answer

if they were not interested in staying attractive for me, i'm not interested in staying with them. it's not selfish. i'll do that for them and i'll offer help but i won't accept being neglected.

Noredcarpet · Answer

No. I would try to understand what is causing it and then see if we could together get on the right track.

Shiprex · Answer

Probably as I prefer someone who has an active or sporting lifestyle to enjoy physical activities together as well as support each other in them.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No as long as it isn't extreme.. If they became super fat or let their hygiene go all together I might think differently.

RxR0954 · Answer

i wouldn’t, because looks is not everything and love doesn’t go away just because someone doesn't look “physically appealing” to us anymore.

RingOfFire · Answer

It's unattractive to me when a woman doesn't take care of herself. It's not so much about her looks changing as it is about neglecting her health and not caring about keeping fit.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, as long as they are not lazy slobs, it is all good.

OneViewpoint · Answer

It’s a 10 on a scale of 1-10. It is an indicator of self respect and effort.

YourExLover69 · Answer

Nope I would not. As long as she is loyal, friendly, romantic, clingy, loves me then I'm fine with her.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Yes I probably would. I keep myself in excellent shape and eat well. I would want my partner to do near the same

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, why? Because men expect a woman to look 10/10 at every given moment. So I’ll hold them to the same standards

Californiagirl5 · Answer

Yes cause I work to keep myself. I like it if my partner does it.

Anonymous · Answer

gotta love it when people lie about looks not playing a huge part

Anonymous · Answer

If a girl is naturally beautiful, there is nothing for her to actually maintain... as long as she doesn't get fat.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not so much the appearance of not being fit or healthy it’s the lack of effort. Not wanting to be the best version of yourself is different from the lack of genetic potential.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Sedentary lifestyle without a medical cause? I'm out.

Anonymous · Answer

Yea it would.  I'm conventionally attractive, I work out and put a lot of effort in maintaining my style so I expect the same from my partner

Anonymous · Answer

Unfortunately it happens. But it's no reason to break up with somebody that you love. It's called encouragement and helping them realize that

ZinniaRose3430 · Answer

I understand phases of depression but just not caring at all permanently just because... no

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the reasons why that person stopped

sage2021 · Answer

I kinda did do that once many years ago.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Abso-fucking-lutely

exitseven · Answer

I would probably think about it.

Sal_Monella · Answer

That would be every "Geezer" I know.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope

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