Guys, A guy consistently joins you for 1-on-1 time after an event. Are those dates?

[DishLady]

Before my G@G friends start howling, no, this isn't about one specific person. I've had this happen to me rather often over the past few years and I'm just curious bc I then often get comments from friends who saw me with a guy 1-on-1 in the evening presuming that we're dating.

Let's say you're with a group of people but then consistently end up 1-on-1 for a few hours with a guy, walking around or chatting or whatever. Is it considered a date or are you just hanging out?

[OlderAndWiser]

If i had that opportunity and i had no romantic interest, i wouldn’t spend hours with the lady. If I am interested, I seize the moment. Doesn’t really matter if it’s called a date but,, a date is prearranged and both sides have indicated at least some interest.

[HawkPerception]

Really hard to say without seeing the scenario first hand. You can usually tell if there are romantic intentions from whether there's any tension between you.

But as far as I can tell from this post, it could be that he just enjoys your company and wants to socialize with you more when socializing with others is done, or he genuinely likes you and wants to get to know you more.

The only way to find out for sure is being direct.

[DishLady]

Ok HP... I'll put it another way... I'm not too sore on the eyes, so there is most likely some tension on the guy's behalf that he's stalling and smiling and being goofy till he has an excuse to take my bag or walk me to my train/bus/plane/etc. It's a little like watching a schoolboy stalling so he can carry my books and take me for a coffee. I've seen this before... my whole life... but after a while you tune it out bc it seems STUCK UP to think that every guy has intentions.

At best, the guy DOES have intentions, so he'll probably try the same thing consistently, whereas SOME guys are "one hit wonders" and stall just a little to be flirtatious before heading home to a girlfriend or wife or whatever... they're just trying to see if they still have what it takes to get a gal, though they have no intentions.

For example, literally earlier this week I was walking to my train and saw two married guys hovering in the cold to figure out what direction they were going. I was freezing, but I felt bad for them and asked where they were going. They told me and I said, "Oh, I know the place" and pointed out the lovely string of holiday lights just down the block. They asked me if it was good and I said a few nice things about it. Then they asked me to join them and I chuckled, answering, "I'm heading home. I can't go galavanting with two married guys at this hour. It's a school night." Oddly enough that prompted them to accompany me to my train to make sure I got home ok. Were they hitting on me? in my opinion, no. Marital status was established and as far as I was concerned they were just being gentlemen.

However about a month ago I was at an event and shivering. A guy took off his jacket and insisted I put it on... and apparently that was his flare gun signal that he wanted to jump my bones. I had no idea. He actually had to spell it out for me. Smh.

[HawkPerception]

Oh I have no doubt you're not sore on the eyes. Especially considering you modeled a little in life, no?

But just because a girl is attractive doesn't necessarily mean a guy has intentions.

But I feel you already know the answer to your question, so not sure what value my input can give 😂

[DishLady]

(I don't know the answer tbh.)

[ohsheeT]

How come he didn't take you to the event. .. that might have been a date. But know that just a guy hanging out

[Spencer10]

Hmmmm... I would have to say no. A date requires an official request to spend time together I think.

[DishLady]

That's what I've always thought, but guys out by me are a little strange about it. Like "hey, wyd" or "hey come on, I'll walk you" and they're thinking one thing but I'm just thinking "He's sweet to walk me" or "How nice he asked 'wyd'..."

[Spencer10]

Guys seem to jump to a lot of conclusions lately... its weird.

[DishLady]

Look up to the story i shared with @HawkPerception just above.

[Spencer10]

On it

[Spencer10]

Just read it. I agree with what you said... you cannot judge every male behavior as a come on. There are still gentlemen out there... thats why if genuine interest is out there its important to express it. Just tell her... or ask her out. Its so much simpler for both people.

[DishLady]

I wish guys here were like that. Most guys are just "takers" or "tellers" or "doers" but forget the simple task of ASKING that someone like me needs to register intention.

[Spencer10]

Oh I agree... same with women. I am NOT a mind reader. Sometimes i can be very dense and miss all kinds of signals. Just tell me please. Good communication solves so many issues.

[DishLady]

Agreed.

[Spencer10]

Now in the interest of direct communication I enjoy your posts and replies... thoughtful. Feel free to DM me anytime if you are bored or have a burning question to ask. Cheers.

[DishLady]

Thanks, @Spencer10. Will do. :)

[worldscolide]

It depends entirely on intent. Communication is key here, does it feel like a date? Did you both say it's a date? If no then you guys need to communicate your intentions.

[DishLady]

No one called it a date. Intention was clearly alone time with me, slow meandering walk rather than a clipped purposeful walk; sharing drinks, a little flirty… but I tend to be slow on the uptake bc I have a lot of guy friends. It didn’t FEEL like a just friends vibe.

[worldscolide]

I understand, you may need to ask him, like "so, is this a date?"

If he has any interest he may say "yes" or "if you want it to be"

[DishLady]

Hmm. Perhaps next time, then. Thank you. :)

[worldscolide]

Welcome

[egan3141]

Depends on your definition of a date. Is a date a pre-arranged meeting of 2 people seeking to get to know each other better for the purpose of pursuing a relationship? Then no. Is a date just getting to know someone better to see if you want to pursue something more? Then yes.

[SamIam96]

Look at it this way...

Would pursue 1-on-1 time with someone whose company you didn't enjoy?

[slatyb]

That's not a date. No doubt he enjoys your company, but he's made no effort. Since he hasn't arranged to see you outside these events, I wonder if he's available. I'm not sensing any sexual chemistry here.

[exitseven]

Just hanging out unless you want it to be something more.

[Cidknee]

They are if you both want them to be. You have to be on the same page. The activity doesn't make a date. It's the communal mindset of the two. 🤫

[YourExLover69]

It's just hanging out. Won't say it's date. Did you feel anything special about that?

[DishLady]

Sort of. There's always heavy tension.

[YourExLover69]

Ask him next time clearly 😊
If the spark Is mutual

[MicahRaine]

personally I’d say those aren’t dates. There may be romantic interest, but it’s not a date.

[dudeinohio]

Id say hanging out.

[DishLady]

I don’t get why anyone would bother spending that much time just hanging out 1-1. To me it’s a bit odd.