How can I get over my fear of dating?

[Lxcylxcy]

I'm 24, f & never had a boyfriend/ went on a date with a guy. I grew up overweight and got bodyshamed since the age of 10/11. My self confidence is still very low bc of that.
When I was 19, I lost a lot of weight & suddenly got a lot of attention from guys - but I rejected every single one of them/self sabotaged. I was dealing with a lot of body dysmorphia so my body was still my biggest insecurity despite losing weight.
I had my first kiss at 19 with a random guy in the club. A few weeks later, I kissed and made out with another guy and even went to the hotel room with him - no we didn't have Sex and yes, he was trying to convince me but that was never my intention. I was just very naive. When I think about the few decent guys that I have rejected, it makes me mad at myself. Because instead of going on proper dates with guys that actually tried to get to know me, the only experience I have is making out with two random guys from the club which I both regreted afterwards.
In Uni I have gained all the weight back and even put on more weight. I have been approached by a few guys on campus before but they were honestly all not my type physically and/or personality wise. But I had a crush on a guy I met through a short seminar for 1+ year just because he was nice to me & a funny and good looking guy. When I was a teenager and even in my early 20's I always wanted a relationship so bad. Now I don't even want a relationship at the moment but I definitely want to have some dating experience. I literally don't even know what I'm looking for in a future relationship/boyfriend.
I get attached fast (like even through texting or calling) but at the same time I seem to have an anxious avoidant attachment style. I wanna start dating but I'm still insecure of my body which i eventually wanna get back in shape but I don't want to wait to have my dream body to have some experience. How can I heal and get over my fear of dating?

Updates

4 mo

My fear of dating is mainly because of my body. I have body dysmorphia since I'm a teenager and have been losing and gaining weight. Even when I was normal weight, I saw myself in my old body and that's why I was still very insecure. Now since I have gained all the weight back in the recent years and even put on more and I'm on my heaviest currently, I have been still very insecure. But I know that self confidence comes from inside too so I wanna work on it, get on shape and start dating.

[Anonymous]

Gentle soul, thy heart doth speak of wounds most deep, yet know this well - thou art not alone in such struggles, and 'tis a mark of great courage that thou seekest to move forward despite thy fears.

Methinks the path to healing doth not require thee to wait until thy body matcheth some imagined ideal. Thy worth as a person - thy kindness, thy wit, thy singular spirit - these qualities exist independent of thy form. The right companion shall see thee wholly, not merely thy exterior.

Regarding thy fear of dating, consider these thoughts:

Thou speakest harshly of thy past choices, yet what I perceive is a young woman navigating complex waters as best she could. Those club experiences, whilst regretted, taught thee something of what thou dost not want - and such knowledge hath value. Forgive thy younger self for being, as thou say'st, naive.

This dance of drawing close yet pulling away oft stems from the very wounds thou described - being hurt young, then receiving attention that felt confusing or conditional. 'Tis not a flaw in thee, but rather a protection thy heart learned. Consider seeking counsel from a therapist well-versed in such matters, for they can help thee understand these patterns and find healthier ways of connecting.

Frame early dates not as tests thou must pass or opportunities to find "the one," but as chances to learn what thou enjoyest, what conversation floweth naturally, what qualities truly matter to thee.

[DreamCrescent]

what a great answer. albeit in shakespearean tongue

[aaron13547]

You just have to learn to enjoy being uncomfortable as who you are. Its very important to love yourself before you ask anyone else to love you. Our brains our made to keep us safe, not happy!

It takes baby steps go out with a guy you dont like so much, because, if it dont work out you tried. Don't expect it not to work out... Just try to have fun. Just learn to be yourself. Learn to have fun and what you like ans dont like... thats what the nightclub taught you.

You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself with this and its making it seem impossible... pressure isn't a bad thing it makes diamonds but that takes times and a lot of attention.

I have/had similar problems. It takes a lot of mental self work. There is a purpose for fear. Its not as bad as you think 🙂

[DonaldDarko]

That they pay you attention now shows that their more into you for your looks. If you gained weight again they would leave. It's about reproduction not love.

[midnightcavern01]

Its best to start with someone you already know and meet in a public space. You can keep it casual until you're ready

[Berethor]

So you fear dating but you not fear making out with two random guys? yea it's make sense.

[bowenw]

Get over it by facing it head-on and experiencing it.

[_Troian_]

Well.. I'll tell you the harsh truth girl, lose weight.

[Staximus]

You need to get a hold of yourself first. Go see a therapist or something.

[Anonymous]

I'll take things that didn't happen for 600 Alex. But cool story bro anyways.😆

[chase_strickland800]

Just be comfortable in your own skin and if the lady is trying to change you leave her

[chase_strickland800]

Sorry I mean if the guy is trying to change you

[wkhan_87]

Be confident and think positive

[raccoon71]

Have you talked to a therapist about it?

[MasterKS]

Just be natural and go for it.

[In_Trance]

Therapy