Guys, Did he ever really like me, what changed?

[Anonymous]

This guy at my job and me started talking. He asked some of our mutual friends before we started to talk what i like etc, he seemed very genuine eventually we started talking on the phone and went on a date, this kept going on for about a week before we decided to hang out at my place. I told him i didn’t want to do anything with him because we only knew each other for a short time everything was fine he slept over 2 more nights without talking about or trying to do anything.

The next week we still talk everyday, hang out togheter at our job and he slept over that next weekend also. This time he started to ask a little bit more, and asked why i didn’t want to. I got a little emotional but mostly because i was tired of talking about it. I said i was attracted to him but i just want to give it some time. (we’re only two weeks in at that point) He let it go the next night he asked again and said can’t we do anything at all? I joked and said he needed to wait months (yes i know now that was stupid)

The next days come we still talk on the phone he even said you’re going to be my girlfriend soon. 2 days after he said that he said i can’t be in a relationship. The thing here is that it genuinely didn’t seem like to sleep with me was his only intention, we spent so much time together, had fun went on dates. Opened up to eachother i just didn’t want to do it after only 2 weeks with someone i work with. It’s now been a couple of months since that and i almost regret not doing it with him and i’m just stuck in the what if here.

I haven’t heard anything from him since he broke things off. also completely avoided be at work after he used to always talk and hug me there. Would he ever come back? I do now he was a little sad for a while after things ended and that makes me confused cause if he really liked me wouldn’t he have stayed and given me more time?

[HollyK21]

You genuinely dodged a bullet. Personally I don’t know how much it matters “when” you do the deed because if he doesn’t intend on sticking around he’s just not going to. However when the guy is doing and saying all that this dude was, it becomes evident that he was really only interested in a hookup. Just because he asked with a smile and wasn’t a total asshole about the approach does not mean his priorities weren’t clear. He was pretty disrespectful by ignoring your boundaries and I’m so glad he couldn’t keep up the nice guy front for long because you got to see exactly who he really is behind the handsome face and smooth talking. Please don’t live with regrets over this, you did the right thing.

[miana]

You're complaining that he is avoiding you, and that you almost regret sleeping with him, honestly just hold your head high, because you had the self respect not to give into pressure of someone clearly showing his intentions was just to sleep with you when you clearly set the boundaries of not wanting to, and him still insisting on it. It's his loss here, and instead of seeing it as you losing him, see it as you're the one women he will never have. Avoid him instead cause you dodged a bullet, and eventually even he will realize what he missed out, not you. There's plenty of men that would more than willingly wait for when you are ready, and someone that will not make you feel like you did something wrong for not wanting to do something, nor play mind games and avoid you like the plague, neither would they make empty gestures of making you their partner and later on playing games by saying they don't do relationships, you deserve better than that.

[realbiggrin]

Guys just aren't built like women, most of us need physical touch to feel close to a woman. If after a couple weeks of dating and you werent turning on at least a little with kisses maybe rubbing his leg at the dinner table, holding his hand on walks or cuddling on the couch with a movie and at least some flirting sprinkled in there. Then I could see he would feel like he was waisting his time. Dont get me wrong, two weeks is not a long time to wait. And if he was smart and was looking for a future wife then a few months would have been just fine.
But... he sounds like a guy who doesn't have a lot of problems getting laid and is still very much on the quest. Don't second guess yourself. You sound like a great girl and one with her head on straight.

[SamIam96]

It seems like there's a big difference between your of sex drive and his. I think he recognized that and moved on before there was too much of an emotional connection.

As disappointing as it is now, it's for the better. The sex problem would only cause tension and resentment.

[SamIam96]

Thank you for the MHO.

[DishLady]

No, it's never stupid to set a boundary for respectful relationship. A guy will keep asking for it... that's what they do. And the fact that he suddenly didn't want a relationship tells you that you did the right thing by not giving in to him too soon. He was fun just long enough to try to get into your pants... YOU SEE THAT, RIGHT?

Don't worry about whether he comes back. He's a jerk.

[MrChinaski]

Are the fences at zoos meant to keep the tourists out? Or the animals in?

[Purpleronnie]

I noticed your reply to another’s opinion and thought I’d give my opinion based on that


What I find hard to understand from your brief is what you were thinking when you asked a guy over to your home that you barely knew and then additionally why you would let him spend the night?


From a sexually active guys perspective aka “me” this is at the “very least” mixed signals and I can understand his confusion / frustrations not that I think you should have done anything with him and it’s not about the length of time or anything but else , it’s simply a choice / desire


So what likely changed was how he interpreted your actions , when you were offering home visits and sleepovers he understood it as most guys would … some “fun” and when this wasn’t what he got he decided that he didn’t want to be toyed with or teased

[Asker]

I can see how that looks and i agree. I would also like to add i never really invited him. The first time, it happened after the date because it got too late. And i did let him know that i’m not comfortable doing anything yet he said it was fine and didn’t really bring it up. The second time he slept over wasn’t me inviting him we just talked and didn’t have plans so he said he said we could meet. I still told him i’m not ready. I also think me saying that maybe gives guy the idea of a challenge, but i do prefer letting them know straight up. But i do wonder if he really liked me wouldn’t he have waited either way?

[Purpleronnie]

Logically you are right. But for the fact that a lot of guys think with their dicks. In my opinion the best way to approach it until your ready , and whenever that is is ok !!!, is just no going back to each others houses whether you are clear with your communication or not actions can speak louder than words and take it from me guys don’t understand subtlety in this area 😂. Your are also correct by saying if he likes me he will stick around , that’s generally true but it wast for this guy was it … so what did he show you? That when he wasn’t getting HIS way , he decided he wasn’t interested … he didn’t communicate , he wasn’t patient so maybe I’m wrong …and maybe he is also , but learn from this.. don’t give guys room to mis-understand.

[Staximus]

Are you stupid or something? You never take a guy back to your place unless you want to have sex with him, because that's what he's going to expect. Don't ever take a guy back to your place or go to his place unless you are ready to have sex with him, don't be a fucking idiot. He was just trying to get in your pants and and thankfully you had enough sense to not take them off, and now the fuck boy has moved on. He was just trying to use for you for sex, the guy is a shit bag.

[Asker]

Lol i just didn’t understand how that was his only goal when he could have gotten it from other girls there and nothing about me gave that.

[queenofcardio]

It sounds like he just wanted to sleep with you. You're better off. It's your decision to sleep with someone or not, it's not fun if there's pressure.

[WhitneySnow]

He just wanted to sleep with you and didn’t want to wait months

[Cute_User513]

That’s definitely what it sounds like yea

[jahaims]

How would anyone know with the given vague context? You're an idiot

[In_Trance]

Some context would help but before that why don't you just ask him directly

[Nikki1989]

Only he knows that. Ask him.

[Asker]

I dont know if people can see the whole draft so i’ll put the whole story here
This guy at my job and me started talking. He asked some of our mutual friends before we started to talk what i like etc, he seemed very genuine eventually we started talking on the phone and went on a date, this kept going on for about a week before we decided to hang out at my place. I told him i didn’t want to do anything with him because we only knew each other for a short time everything was fine he slept over 2 more nights without talking about or trying to do anything. The next week we still talk everyday, hang out togheter at our job and he slept over that next weekend also. This time he started to ask a little bit more, and asked why i didn’t want to. I got a little emotional but mostly because i was tired of talking about it. I said i was attracted to him but i just want to give it some time. (we’re only two weeks in at that point) He let it go the next night he asked again and said can’t we do anything at all? I joked and said he needed to wait months (yes i know now that was stupid) The next days come we still talk on the phone he even said you’re going to be my girlfriend soon. 2 days after he said that he said i can’t be in a relationship. The thing here is that it genuinely didn’t seem like to sleep with me was his only intention, we spent so much time together, had fun went on dates. Opened up to eachother i just didn’t want to do it after only 2 weeks with someone i work with. It’s now been a couple of months since that and i almost regret not doing it with him and i’m just stuck in the what if here. I haven’t heard anything from him since he broke things off. also completely avoided be at work after he used to always talk and hug me there. Would he ever come back? I do now he was a little sad for a while after things ended and that makes me confused cause if he really liked me wouldn’t he have stayed and given me more time?

[queenofcardio]

Probably. Ask him

[Asker]

I dont know if people can see the whole draft so i’ll put the whole story here
This guy at my job and me started talking. He asked some of our mutual friends before we started to talk what i like etc, he seemed very genuine eventually we started talking on the phone and went on a date, this kept going on for about a week before we decided to hang out at my place. I told him i didn’t want to do anything with him because we only knew each other for a short time everything was fine he slept over 2 more nights without talking about or trying to do anything. The next week we still talk everyday, hang out togheter at our job and he slept over that next weekend also. This time he started to ask a little bit more, and asked why i didn’t want to. I got a little emotional but mostly because i was tired of talking about it. I said i was attracted to him but i just want to give it some time. (we’re only two weeks in at that point) He let it go the next night he asked again and said can’t we do anything at all? I joked and said he needed to wait months (yes i know now that was stupid) The next days come we still talk on the phone he even said you’re going to be my girlfriend soon. 2 days after he said that he said i can’t be in a relationship. The thing here is that it genuinely didn’t seem like to sleep with me was his only intention, we spent so much time together, had fun went on dates. Opened up to eachother i just didn’t want to do it after only 2 weeks with someone i work with. It’s now been a couple of months since that and i almost regret not doing it with him and i’m just stuck in the what if here. I haven’t heard anything from him since he broke things off. also completely avoided be at work after he used to always talk and hug me there. Would he ever come back? I do now he was a little sad for a while after things ended and that makes me confused cause if he really liked me wouldn’t he have stayed and given me more time?

[Zionne]

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