Dating without sex?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating a guy for 9 months and he is not interested in sex. We had sex one time around 3 months. And then had to spend a few months apart due to a family medical issue with him needing to go home and take care of things. He is just not interested in sex, and he is the most perfect man in every way possible, so incredibly kind and caring and just all around wonderful.…except he doesn’t want to have sex with me…. and I’m hurt by it because I just want to be loved in that way too…. he Says he was in a long term relationship and the ex didn't want sex and he is not used to a girl wanting sex.…it just doesn’t add up and sadly I’m afraid I need to move on from one of the most wonderful humans I have ever met. F30 M34 Do I need to move on?

[Anonymous]

The responses on this question from both blue and pink are pretty amusing. But not because it isn't a legitimate question. It is! But because all these responders are adding their own personal biases into it as though it's somehow relevant to the question, ranging from prolonged trauma to, "oh girl, he's gay". Because a guy can like you and must automatically want to have sex with you or he must be gay".😆 Why are women's ego's so fragile like this? It's like if a guy doesn't want to sleep with you think you lost some perceived superpower you think you have.😆

The way I see it hun it's real simple. You are either projecting all these feelings onto this guy about him being so wonderful (most women do this). And he is NEVER going to be more than what you want him to be in your head. Or he genuinely is a wonderful guy, very flawed as we all are. And you just don't see it. It's possibly he is gay (but I wouldn't assume that). It's also possible he has been traumatized (but I wouldn't assume that either). It's probably that he is just not on your timeline. He's a wonderful guy you, then take it as that. Accept that and MOVE ON with your life. You got this guy as a wonderful guy friend. That should be enough for now. Look at OTHER guys to date. It's possible he changes his mind later. It's also possible he never changes his mind. But either way this should not hold you hostage.

[Anonymous]

Before ending things with a man you describe as "perfect" and "wonderful," consider that his current lack of intimacy is likely a temporary byproduct of prolonged emotional trauma and extreme situational stress rather than a lack of attraction to you. Having spent years in a relationship where sex was rejected, he has likely "conditioned" himself to suppress his libido as a defense mechanism, and the recent strain of a family medical crisis further depletes the emotional energy required for physical intimacy.

if he is as caring as you say, he will likely be willing to work on this once he feels safe and the external pressures of his family situation subside.

Good luck.

[bobalife]

Sorry girl, he’s probably not it… people are prejudging he’s gay without any other details to verify. But it could be anything… what if he’s asexual? cheating? Or anything else? It could be anything why he won’t have sex tbh. But I don’t think he’s being honest why he’s not intimate with you. He’s not compatible with you though. Intimacy is what you want and need, which he’s not providing.

[NessaEssa]

Move on. Sex is very important in a relationship. By the way he probably is gay. I dated a guy like that and it turned out he way gay.

[Berethor]

A man not wanting sex is lacking in masculinity and might be a gay, you better move on.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/A_Man_Is_Always_Eager

https://www.webmd.com/men/how-low-testosterone-can-affect-your-sex-drive

[MrChinaski]

He's been pretty honest. You aren't going to be sexual together and that is likely the case forever. Stay or go. His other qualities seem to make him a good friend potentially. I would walk because sex matters to me enough, even if it is only a small portion of what makes being a couple worthwhile.

[Nikki1989]

At this point, you might as well be roommates.

[exitseven]

I was with somebody for 4 years. She was saving it for marriage. I do not think I would do it again.

[jahaims]

He is asexual or isn't emotionally healthy

[Staximus]

Try giving him a blow job

[dougeats]

time to make like a banana and split

[Anonymous]

No. lol. Seduce him.

[zombiewoof]

Is this what you want