Would you tell your friend if her boyfriend was talking trash about her behind her back?

[MissPiggy2025]

I’m dealing with a really uncomfortable situation at work involving a friend of mine, Alex. I helped her get this job when she was struggling. She’s very shy, has low self-esteem, and lost her long-term boyfriend years ago in a tragic house fire, which she’s never fully recovered from. Yesterday was the anniversary of his death.
She’s now dating a man called Dave, who left a 14-year relationship around the same time they got together. The timeline is messy and, honestly, most of us don’t believe there wasn’t overlap. Dave is inappropriate at work — he brags about their sex life, makes crude jokes, and talks badly about Alex behind her back while acting like a “nice guy” to others.
Recently, some colleagues told me he was mocking her deceased boyfriend and saying he feels like he’s competing with a dead man. It’s clear he doesn’t respect her and seems too cowardly to end the relationship, instead trash-talking her while looking for a way out.
The problem is Alex clearly loves him, and no one knows how to tell her without completely breaking her heart.

Im not that close to Alex as i was but I feel upset on her behalf. She definitely knows something is up as she's acting out and taking it out on others including a another friend of mine and his girlfriend and it clear to see its out of jealousy by the way they treat each other vs how her boyfriend treats her

Updates

5 mo

Were all terrified to tell her but feel like cowards for not

Updates

5 mo

Atm the moment I just can't bring myself to say anything im to scared as this is also my workplace and I've heard it second hand. Im just avoiding her partner and giving him the cold shoulder

[teamvic]

Hmmm

How good of a friend is she to you?

If right now she's taking her anger out on everyone, do we realllly think she'd believe what youd say? Sounds like she'd think you're just jealous and making shit up. I do believe she should know, but if you dont see her that often maybe a text might be a better idea,

If you guys are close and she trust you. Id tell her. Cause he ain't shit

The only question is are you willing to put yourself in between thst drama. Because lets say she does believe you. That guy will know exactly who told her that stuff he's been saying. Assuming he knows you're friends with her

[MissPiggy2025]

I wouldn't say we were close. She says hello and we have small talk but I helped her get the job and she trusts me a lot

[MissPiggy2025]

Plus its work i dont want the drama

[ohsheeT]

That is a uncomfortable position because you're darned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Because he doesn't care , and he's going to light her and tell her that you're full of crap can\nYou try to cause problems

So, depending on how their love life has been at home, she will either know it's true or not, but you're stepping into some slippery i would say that their relationship won't last much longer anyway, but at the same time, he will blame you for breaking them up when it's his fault. And it depends on who she is , if she's honest with herself , she will believe you

[MontBlanc]

Yes , but carefully.

I’d make sure I have the facts first. Then I’d approach her gently, not to attack him, but to protect her. The goal isn’t drama, it’s clarity so she can make her own decision.

A true friend gives the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable, but does it with respect and care.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, but I would choose my words very carefully.

[Anonymous]

Depends whether I thought she'd believe me or not.

I mean, I'm a firm believer that if you claim to be a friend you gotta be straight up honest with them. Regardless of what the outcome may be. But that means being OK with the fact that she might not be receptive to what you got to say, and may even BLAME you for it. You have to be ok with doing the right thing COULD cost you your friendship. Think of it as you're not trying to live their life for them. Cause they MAY accuse you of that. But rather you provide them with all the necessary info. to make an INFORMED judgement. Because that's what friends do. It's not your job as a friend to decide for her. It's your job to help and support her. So be CERTAIN about what you're saying. If you can't be certain then maybe you shouldn't get involved.

[queenofcardio]

Ohh I'm definitely telling

[Unycorn]

If it is a very good friend, yes.

[slatyb]

Yes, I would. This is a huge red flag.

[Zionne]

def yes!!

[Alex-Snow]

Definitely

[Bloodparadise]

Yes.