If you knew your best friend was cheating, would you tell their partner?

Question

This happened back in November.

My wife came back home very upset. I notice and initially try to prod her, she brushes me off and goes off doing some house stuff. I notice something is wrong, so I keep an eye on her.

After some twenty minutes, she tells me one of her best friend just confided to her that she was cheating on her fiancée and since he was catching wind of it, she was asking my wife to cover for her. My wife obviously wasn't on board with it and said friend was less than thrilled, perstering her with texts that she's not a good friend and most insultingly, if the roles were reversed her friend would have covered for her.

I consoled her for a while and we debated telling the poor guy what had happened, my wife was a bit uncertain but she strongly leaned into informing him. Well, she didn't get the chance because she got a call from said friend and started sobbing and getting angry during it - she put it on speaker and said friend was hurling abuse at her because her fiancée was leaving her - apparently my wife wasn't the only one whom this friend asked to cover from, and someone else had already reached out the guy. I got upset at hearing her vile abuse, so I took the phone and started shouting back at her, getting a good barrage of insults to myself as well.

Long story short, wedding cancelled and said friend dumped and disowned by almost everyone, more for her unhinged behavior than the cheating itself.

She has since reached out to my wife and I to apologize, and seems regretful of her actions, although my wife decided to keep her at arm's lenght because of her verbal abuse at her, insulting me and implying she would and "should" cheat on me.

Updates

3 mo

To answer the question myself, the two times it happened I didn't go and tell their partner, but I encouraged my friend to confess because it wasn't a matter of "if" they'd been found out, but "when".
Plus if they really wanted a slim chance of saving their marriages, coming forward with it could help, or at least rip the bandaid off.

One of them eventually came out with it, grovelled and begged her spouse and apparently he forgave her. Apparently because they didn't divorce, but I don't know

Updates

3 mo

how it's going behind closed doors.

In the other case, they were already separated, and that just sped up the divorce.

Dinklex3 · Accepted Answer

No I wouldn’t tell on my best friend. But my best friends know not to involve me in their lies so I wouldn’t need to “cover for them”. & I also make it a point not to be friends with partners of my friends. If I was friends with their partner it’d be a different story.

A friend claimed she couldn’t stand cheating so she actually told her other “best friend’s ” girlfriend he was cheating even after me advising to stay out of it. She told, lost the friendship, 5 years later.. she’s cheating. Someone who supposedly couldn’t stand cheating so much she jeopardized her relationship with someone she called a “best friend”.

In the case with your wife I would’ve dumped her as a friend as soon as she tried to cross my boundaries, get me involved, and try to guilt/manipulate me. Glad she apologized, but I definitely wouldn’t be friends with her again.

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

If my best friend cheated on their partner I probably wouldn’t say anything to their partner, but they would never ask me to cover for them either nor are they the type of people to cheat regardless. I think the best thing to do in that situation is encourage the guilty party to come clean to their significant other, not you doing that for them, so that they’re able to either work through it together or go their separate ways. In your particular case both you and your wife are better off not associating with the ex-best friend. Not only is that person a cheater, but she is verbally abusive as well. Not a good person to keep company with

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

well... I am friends with their partners too, so... but still, I would tell my best friends to come clean about it and also to stop being something I've always known them to be not... lol

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

I would not reveal the cheating but I would go to visit my friend and spend hours convincing him to do the right thing to save his marriage.

AviatorTom · Answer

I would not tell their partner, but I would tell my best friend that I know about the cheating, that he is stupid, and ask him what the hell he's doing.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Nope. I have covered her. Because she’s my friend.

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

I don’t like to be friends with cheaters. I think that’s one of the worst things you can do to someone. I’ll tell them to come clean but we’re not friends anymore. If you can disrespect your partner like that I don’t even want to stick around and find out what you could possibly do to me. I literally almost cut someone off for kissing another person at the club, 12yrs was about to get thrown away. I told him I don’t care if your girlfriend is doing you wrong or cheating on you. Break up, that doesn’t give you green light to do that. I don’t care if I’m not her friend I’m yours and if you’re next step is sexual encounters with other people and you haven’t broken up with the girlfriend… my guy, I will not talk to you again so figure it out!

EmyyWolf · Answer

Yea I would, because I like chaos. I like to see people pay for their actions. I like for other people to get Justice.

However, I wouldn’t tell the victim right off the bat. I would probably wait a little, get some proof. And then contact the victim anonymously. My real self would stay on the side of the best friend. …

”Oh he found out you cheated? OHHH NOOO!! 🫢🫢🫢🫢🫣🫣🫣”
”Foreal? Are you sure? Oh No!!! 🫣🫣 How did he find out you cheated? REALLY?”
Oh No!! 🫣🫣🫣 “

Account · Answer

No I wouldn't. Even though I have my own morals, my morality can bend and it can be questionable when it comes to family and friends depending on what it is about. In this specific case, it ain't my problem. I would tell her my opinions about it but that is my limit. I wouldn't trespass that.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I would tell their partner. I respect other people and their decisions, even if I don't agree with them.

I wouldn't also cover for this person. I don't agree to be a co-responsible person for their lives. I won't interfere in their lives out of respect.

Anonymous · Answer

I was pretty angry with my friend because he was cheating on his wife and tried to make me swear not to tell anyone. I told a bunch of people because his wife was completely innocent and he got all upset saying I had broken his trust (ironic since he has no problem breaking his wife’s trust). He had a hissy fit and sued me for defamation. I was cleared and found not liable. The judge even told him to “keep it in his pants” if he was so worried about his reputation.

Baublebar234 · Answer

Absolutely not! It’s not my business so why would I get involved in someone else’s marriage? That also includes them potentially asking me to “cover” for them or be an accomplice to their foolery, absolutely not.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

If roles were reversed she would have covered. That is because she doesn't have the same morals.
I would tell her partner that she's cheating with proof provided. I can't have someone go through that. And that best friend would not be a best friend anymore. Demoted to Some friend to an acquaintance.

Agape93 · Answer

Not right away. Him and I would be having a little chat first.

LaterZ · Answer

If you're friends with both oarties, you give your friend a chance at telling their partner themselves. Or you will tell them, but If you barely know your friends partner, you can tell them you dont condone it, but try to find out why they are cheating and support them, but advise them to do the right thing. Either stop and confide in them, or just end it.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes, I would. Absolutely. I am not friends with cheaters, so he would lose my friendship immediately.  And please don't take that woman back as your friend. She burned that bridge already.

exitseven · Answer

no but I would tell him not to be an asshole.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

This chick will be a toxic to your marriage if your wife keeps contact with her.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I probably wouldn't.. especially if I was friends with the guy too. I hate things changing and losing friends.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

I'd probably get some proof first because I feel like they wouldn't believe me without some kind of proof

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nope, but I'd lecture her (my best friend) for doing so.

Mado108 · Answer

I will never betrayed my friend. I will not cover for her but will not say anything. Not my business.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course. As a best friend it is your DUTY to be honest with your best friend. Even if it means running the risk of losing that best friend.

Anonymous · Answer

No but I would tell him he's an asshole, encourage him to tell her, and refuse to be around him when he's with her.

If you knew your best friend was cheating, would you tell their partner?

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