My male best friend is being so harsh to me?

[drowningcreek]

We have been EXTREMELY close for the last year. We tell each other everything. We were very attracted to one another and we work together so we were too scared to make moves on one another. He gets back with his cheating ex, they mend their relationship. I tell him I fully support him because I want him to be happy. They end up quickly getting engaged, I'm fully supportive because he's my best friend, even if I do think she might cheat again. A few weeks before the wedding up into a week before, we become closer as friends than ever before. We bought small gifts for one another and had face to face conversations that would last 4-5 hours easily. It felt nice to really cling on to those last moments as good friends because I knew as soon as the wedding went through, life changes for couples, as it should.

after his wedding, we didn't see each other or speak for a few months. I met a wonderful guy, and we have been together a month, he really completes me. I see my good friend and he comes up and talks to me a few times the other day at a get together, as soon as my bf shows up, he doesn't come back over. The next day I go to borrow office supplies from him and i was sick. He asked me how I had been and I mentioned I had a new boyfriend and that he was helping me move some things. My friend snaps and says "I didn't hear anything you just said, but enjoy borrowing these things because in a few months you'll have to get your own." its not like I ever ask my friend to use any of his things, he was being condescending.

My question is, why would he act this way toward me? I told him my feelings before the engagment and after, he knew, mutual friends said he wanted to be with me. I wasn't putting my boyfriend in his face, I knew he had already seen him and I figured id mention we were together bc he's my best friend. He also saw a bruise on me and asked if I was in a violent relationship in front of others (I'm not). It's like he's punishing me.

[Paris13]

If you have ever heard the old saying: What's good for the goose, is good for the gander, in your case, it was alright for this almighty bird to make a nest with Another, being birds of a feather, but Now that you have moved on with your new life, found Another as well, it's like----------He is flapping his wings and squawking at the same time, getting his feathers all ruffled. In other words, it Wasn't alright WithThis Gander.
He didn't like it. He was jealous, and at the same time, "I didn't hear anything you just said..."which he didn't, for Now, you may as well Talk to his Heartless hand..."But enjoy borrowing these things because in a few months you'll have to get your own," he May as well have said: "He is stepping on my territory, and down the road, it might be best to not look to me for Anything anymore, not even 'These things."
He is being stubborn, a sore sport, and also a Jealous tom cat. It is like Now some other tom is on his 'bestie's' territory, and he extended his claws in retort. I see all the signs, none of them mixed. And with everything that has happened, since his new wife's father 'Gave her away,' he also has had a Slap of hard reality that even with seeing the 'Bruise on me,' it Stung like hell for him to Realize--------You were in a Relationship with another.
I don't know if it's so much 'punishing me,' but just his sneer remarks and reminders that you were once birds of a different feather yourselves, and that That may have changed now, and now, like the 'things,' perhaps Never Ask to Be--------Anything again.
If he Continues with his 'Bad ass attitude,' Ignore him... You can expect More of the same to come.
Good luck. xx

[washize]

He sounds like an immature douche. He can get married, but you can't have a boyfriend? You confessed Your feelings to him and he married someone else. It's not your problem if he's unhappy with his life decisions. He doesn't have the right to be upset or hurt if he chose someone else. Don't let him treat you like a hit. He had his chance and he didn't take it. You don't deserve to be subject to tantrums.

[RuthAnnGaG]

back of not good to be friends with married people setting yourself up for heartache. BEEN THERE DONE THAT. I was 21 at the time. said going to divorce his wife, yer right. WE NEVER DID ANYTHING glad for that. She was my friend too. We stayed friends until I moved on with a other job. BE CAREFUL, THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEE. SAY AWAY FROM HIM HE IS GOING TO HURT YOU BAD.

[RuthAnnGaG]

Sorry it should have said BACK OFF, I have a program that I speak to the computer by have to watch for spelling errors. But good luck my friend again you can find someone a heck of a lot better than him.

[Niceguyscumlast]

This is all on him I may be of the few men on here but I am taking your side on this one you were up front with him about your feeling's for him that it could have been more than just friends. Yous showed him concern and love when his then gf cheated on him. But you also showed maturity and impulse control instead of taking advantage of his vulnerable time with the cheating gf you respected him and yourself enough not to confuse him with coming onto him.

He knows what your offering and he still chooses the cheating gf and you once again do the mature thing you move on in your life and now I think he is jealous that you have moved on that your not some weepy immature girl saying "oh if only" so he is now acting immature and being a real jerk.

This is his loss not yours I'm very proud of you.

[Bob5555]

Big question here: Did you friendzone him? Did he try to hook up with you and you turned him down? If so, it's because he really wanted you and you didn't want him and now you're with another guy. If not, it's because he likes having his cake and eating it too. You seen True Detective? *MINOR SPOILER* Woody Harrelson's character was married and he had an affair going on on the side. Well that girl finally put her foot down and realized there's no future with a married man and started looking elsewhere. He saw her with another guy, got jealous and went apeshit on him and her. It's irrational but it's how some guys are. Same thing when a girl friendzones a guy that's crazy about her and he finally moves on. They start missing that attention.

[drowningcreek]

I didn't friendzone him. Well... we had feelings for one another and when I was about to make my move they got back together. I guess he thought I didn't want him the way he wanted me. I waited for them to be together 2 months before I said anything, but he denied all feelings, I knew he was lying because our mutual friends confirmed he had intense feelings as I already knew.

[Bob5555]

If he didn't make a move then he had reservations from the get go. Shrug it off. He's not worth the effort.

[Realistic07]

He is just having a hard time copping with the fact that now you two are starting to live your own lives and heel maybe has some regrets in not dating you and seeing where things went. You are going threw the same regret but are handling it better the question will always be there. this is what happens when you let things stew and don't deal with them when you should. In either case don't feel bad for trying to live a life beyond your friend and yours relationship as friends. He needs to either commit to his wife or divorce her and try with you if you will let him. He also needs to stop putting his regrets on you for not doing what he should have in the first place. Because the reality is that he can't expect you to wait for him and a diction to be with you that may never come. You have your own needs and a life all to yourself and he needs to understand that.

[wonder444]

This!

[Realistic07]

this what?

[Phil4Real]

He's a bitch. That's what it comes down to. He likes you (but didn't want to take it to the next step for whatever reason), and he doesn't like the fact that you're intimate with someone else. So, now he's butthurt and is taking it out on you because he's jealous. He's obviously emotionally unstable, and is not that good of a friend after all. Friends support each other, not tear each other down. But from what you described, he REALLY likes you and can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. If I were you, I'd stay away from him. He's shown the tendency to snap and you never know how he might react to any given situation. Drop this dude.

[Folklore]

He and his wife may be having problems and he simply took it out on you because of some unfulfilled feelings he may have used to have. If you guys are as close as you say you were, or are, or whatever then I suggest you simply ask him if everything is okay or if you did something to offend him.

[drowningcreek]

I'm honestly afraid to ask him at this point because it would hurt a lot for him to say he doesn't have feelings for me again, when all his actions are saying he does. He's good at making me feel wrong.

[Folklore]

I'm sorry to hear that :(
I know a lot of people are afraid of a lot of things so I understand. I wish you the best of luck in getting everything back to normal then.

[Aly007]

He might still has feelings for you. He was probably afraid to try anything with you before, and loved knowing even though he had a wife, you we're still available. Now tour not and he probably feels jealous / regret. I had that happen with one of my friends... it's best to let him go if he won't change his attitude as hard as it might be.

[daniiel112]

I can tell you right now he is not angry with you. He is angry at himself. He got married to a woman he prob doesn't love and now you have moved on. Your friendship will never be the same because he is going to either be mean or guilt trip you over his bad mistakes to make himself feel better. He obviously screwed up marrying a cheater when he liked you. Most people regret things in their lives they never fought hard enough for. You should have fought harder for him instead of being scared and he should have fought harder for you. He prob figured getting engaged would have coaxed you into action. It did not. Now he is jealous and regretful. No matter what your best friends relationship is over.

[bdeakol]

Very immature behavior of him. I mean he's married for god's sake, what does he want exactly? He sounds jealous of you and your boyfriend, he has no right to be.
He chose his cheating girlfriend and should take full responsibility of this action. I say ignore him till he gets back to his senses.

[DaCrownlessKing]

Male best friends don't exist, sorry to say. Guys will simply try to use the friend thing to get closer to you. He likes you and he is upset that you found someone else. He probably thought you two were beginning a romantic connection but got sent back to reality with the news. He is only acting that way out of anger and envy. I've been here before and I will say that your friendship will probably not be the same again, his romantic feelings will always get in the way.

[Eugene]

Basically:

You friendzoned him, he was actually pissed about it, but decided not to show it openly. Then he found another girl, but upon learning that someone one took you, he got pissed that someone else took a trophy (you) that he wanted for so long. Jealousy, to put it simply.

I'm sorry to break your heart, but you never were friends to begin with. At best it was one-sided friendship from your side.

[Burgundy]

Wow you really didn't read the question, did you? 'We were very attracted to one another and we work together so we were too scared to make moves on one another' and 'I told him my feelings before the engagment and after, he knew, mutual friends said he wanted to be with me.'

*slow clap*

The thing is, she was a supportive friend throughout, and he's the one being an arse.

[MothMonsterMan]

Eugene is right. Guys and girls CAN NOT be friends without the guy having some sort of attraction to the girl, whether it be sexual, emotional or whatever. It's just not possible.
He's jealous because he wants his wife, AND you. He doesn't want you to move on. It's definitely a one sided friendship.
"Mutual friends said he wanted to be with me." Maybe but did you hear it directly from him

[Eugene]

It's okay, MonsterMan, I got used to the fact that women cannot accept that there's no friendship between sexes long, long time ago.

[Popnlock]

basically... he liked you more when you were available, and now that u have someone you've turned back into a regular person who gets no favoritism... he sounds like a chump, especially if he has a girlfriend and he's bothered by u being taken...

[drowningcreek]

They're married. It upsets me that he made that jump with another woman who treated him badly and now he's treating me bad when all I wanted was to help him.

[himitsuxx]

looks like he has feelings for you but doesn't know how to express them as he is married after all maybe he's just confused as he didn't expect you to move on as silly as it sounds - as he IS married - or maybe the fact that jest seeing you with another man is making him feel this way/ bringing out his old feelings

[bananaman57]

He may be an asshole, but I disagree a lot with what the guys are sasaying here. He can't be jealous because he chose his ex before he chose you.

However there is no such thing as "close guy friend". You either are just friends or you're working your way into a relationship.

[Ihav2fart]

He still has lingering feelings for you and is jelly. He doesn't know how to express true feelings so he reacted the way he did.

[Anonymous]

I have a male friend who has fancied me for years, which he's admitted numerous times. He said he was in love with me for two years. Throughout our relationship, he always started small arguments and sometimes gave me the cold shoulder for no reason. Our friendship has always been up and down, usually because of his strange behaviour. Now I know it was because he had feelings for me and he was frustrated that he couldn't show them.

[Qwazihomo]

Where you two friends for a long time? Otherwise id say forget about him because he just wanted to get with you the whole time, and now he's married to some bitch and you are in a relationship with some dude and he's mad I guess. Fuck that douchebag and his douchebaggery, real friend wouldn't do shit like that

[drowningcreek]

We've been friends for 2 years, best friends for about a year.

[lauren2609]

Maybe he's jealous. Not in a 'want you sexually 'jealous but maybe he just wants you all to himself?

[Anonymous]

i think he still has feelings for you.. keep us posted if you ever find out

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn't want to be friends anymore. It's never good to be friends with someone you're attracted to esp if married. Maybe his wife told him not to have any female friends

[gblue25]

He's upset because he has feelings for you. But it also sounds like he is upset that you have someone and it's not him

[krazykaykay711]

Try to ask why and then try to go ask his friends why is he being harsh. or maybe even he likes you and you don't except it and he is trying to make you see. he wants to be more than friends , you maybe have a furture boyfriend since your close friends

[Karesse]

I think he still want you and he has just realized that he made a terrible mistake by being with this other woman. He know that his heart is with you. He jus basically jumped to fast and made a stupid mistake.